In exactly ONE more week, I'll be seeing the end of my back to work day after 6 MONTHS and 2 WEEKS off of work. I'm probably as nervous as i was a few days prior to starting this job 2,5 years ago. But most of it all, i also wish i didn't have to go back. Don't take me wrong, it's not because i don't like my job, on the contrary, i love it, but after this massive amount of time out of it and more to the point, after 3 months spent with my little miss, i can't seem to grasp the fact that in a week's time, i won't be spending my entire days with her.
She'll be in good hands for sure. With her dad in the mornings since he works from home and with a nanny 4 afternoons a week. So yeah. We can't say we won't see her grow up because she spends 50 hours a week with a nanny. My cousin is a nanny and she told me she has a little girl about 50 hours a week. I mean seriously. I can understand you having a very busy schedule with work and so but i couldn't get myself to leave my child with someone else for more time during the week than what I'd actually spend with her. What's the point of having a child in the first place? My point of view obviously but seriously. Would that be a wake up call if the child ends up calling the nanny "mom"?
So yeah, back to work in a week. I know everybody is telling me that it's gonna be good for me, that I'll see other people, I'll get out of the house and the baby-caring routine 24/7. I know they're right. I know it's important to just go out there and not worry about the baby and do stuff for myself and shit. And I've done it. Left her with her grand-mother, or her dad and get going with my stuff.
But what if i don't want that? What if i wanted to stay at home to take care of my daughter and be a housewife? Given I'd be a terrible one since i hate doing chores but a house-mom. I'd like that!
I honestly never thought I'd ever say something like this. Me having kids was not a given thing to begin with but the fact that I'm happy being at home with her, wow, that's surely an entire new dimension. I was always convinced that, if i had kids one day, I'd be eagerly waiting to go back to work and be the super-wonder-working-mom.
I am this complete different person now and let's be honest, becoming a parent changes you. My sole priority now is my daughter. And my family. Would i be filthy rich, or just rich enough not to have to go back, i honestly wouldn't. I know we always joked about winning the lottery and what we'd do with all that money. I've always said: I'd keep on working not to lose control over my life and keep it real but right this second, give me a check of several millions euros, i would at least take a sabbatical.
Bottom line is: i have 2 more chances this week to become a millionaire with the national lottery. I'll play. Who knows? My wish might be granted!
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