The Frenchness in a Dog

Not ANY dog ... we're talking about mine. My own 100% born and raised Mexican dog. Guess what? I think she knows where her mom (ie ME) is coming from and what cruel creepy stuff our ancestors did ... She just took sadicism a tiny bit further ... it's SLICING TIME ...


Demonstration:

First, you take off the hat ... gotta show some respect in front of Death.

Then you nicely, neatly CHOP THE HEAD OFF (ohohohoh)




And since we all agree that half a head is a lot messier than no head at all, we finish the job properly ...

A guillotine would not have done a better job ...

C'est à boire à boire à boireeeeuh ...

C'est à boire qu'il nous faut oh oh !

It's my day off ... I am tired, it's cool outside, it's the PERFECT day for a sleep in. I guess it WAS the perfect day. Damn dog cried all night because she has to pee under the rain (dont know why, she doesnt seem to like it) and then, then ... that's when it starts.
Here in Mexico, you don't have to step outside your house, the outside world is coming to your doorstep. And even though i must admit it can be very convenient, it is also pretty damn loud. Every single truck selling you shit is honking and shouting in a megaphone and putting loud music on speakers, and since they all pass in every single street, you hear them for about 20 minutes, not just when they pass in front of your house. And that's what a day off sounds like here:
8:15am - water
8:30am - gaz
8:55am - water
9:45am - vegetables
10:10am - water
11:20am - shrimps
12:10am - water
12:25 - water
12:28 - water (no seriously, there's a truck that JUST passed)
1:15pm - water
2:00pm - pineapples
2:10pm - aluminium (they buy all your aluminium and and any metal you have for sale)
3:20pm - water (coming back from lunch)
4:15pm - water
5:05pm - gaz again (in case the tank you bought in the morning is already empty, you know, nowadays, with leaks and shit you never know)
6pm - water
7:20pm - water (moment i left for my dog's walk)
8:40pm - water (the second i stepped back in my street)
8:45pm - tamales
9pm - bread (hold on, brb, gotta get this cuernito one for tomorrow's breakfast)
9:15pm - water (god you GOT to admire their faith)

Then i left home for a while so not to sure that was the last truck to pass. And THAT agenda is obviously without taking into consideration, the telenovelas and stupid day time games on TV that all 3 houses around mine are following full volume, neighbor's washing machine, blenders, screaming kids (bloody neighbor's kid, screamed his lungs out for 40 minutes - FORTY MINUTES :o how can you still breathe after that?), lady Gaga just discovered by the 2 kids next door, the fan on all day and the cars passing in the street all day.

But let's put things straight ... how THIRSTY do they think we are? I mean, i know it's hot and everything and that we are all supposed to be drinking loads but come on, they sell 19 liters bottles. NINETEEN LITERS. I personally drink it in a week or so. Even if there are 4 people living in the house, i mean you're not gonna buy more than one garafon a day. They pass in average 13 times in a DAY. THIRTEEN times :o
They must think thirSteen's a charm!

Wet Tee-Shirt Contest

I walk my dog every day - and for that, i used one of the hundred tank-top i have. Today was no exception. What i tend to forget though, is that rainy season just started and that i would most probably come back soaking wet. Well i thought about it half-heartedly and got a towel ready for the way back just in case ... So i can vigorously dry my dog upon arrival, do a little wrestling with her since she thinks the towel is a WWF champion and not make a mess in my already messy house... So yeah, i thought about that detail ;-)

My dog gets a lot of attention generally. She's a pitbull and a lot of people here seem to think it's an awesome breed and they all want to pet her. Well tonight i got more attention than she did and i really didnt understand why until one block away from my house, when i looked down ... Damn it damn it DAMN IT ... Yes i use a tank top to walk my dog, but why, WHY did i have to use a white one TODAY when it's meant to pour any second. And we DID get poured on!

I always said i would never lower myself to participate in a wet tee-shirt contest well oops, i think i just did! My only comfort? It was a nice bra i ended up showing off, not my boobs - and since i was the only one competing in this one, hope i've won the bottle of tequila! Salud!

You're Under Arrest

You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.
You have the right to the presence of an attorney to assist you prior to questioning and to be with you during questioning if you so desire.
If you cannot afford an attorney, you have the right to have an attorney appointed for you prior to questioning.
Do you understand these rights?
Will you voluntarily answer my questions?

BLA BLA BLA ...

This morning, there was only ONE question and it was the following one: "miss, do you know why i stopped you?"

To which i answered, yes, i think i do ...

Apparently, speeding is a felony nowadays and going 96 km/h on a 60-limit road wasnt to the taste of Officer Whatshisname.

Yes i have my papers Officer. No i'm not in a hurry i just drive fast all the time. I mean, it's Sunday morning, 7:30am, there is nobody on the road. Apart from you obviously (damn him). What do you mean i was going 96? Of course not! Officer, come on, i was barely hitting 70. Really, your machine doesnt lie? Me neither Officer, and my car was showing up 70, i promise. Yes, i know 70 is still over the 60 limit but it's not as bad as 96, right? You're not gonna change it? Are you sure? Come on, really? If you do a nice scribbling, a 76 can easily cover up a 96. No? You don't think so? Mmm. Yes i know Officer, if i pay within 5 days, i get a discount on the fine (you gotta love Mexico for that). This is not my first time. Oops, did i said that out loud? Just kidding Officer. Yes i know, it wasn't funny, but you know, i'm French Officer, French people are not funny but they thing they are. Yes i shut up now. I will go pay my fine tomorrow Officer. Yes i know where the police station is. Ok then, i'll drive slow, i promise (to try).

Just glad the pick-up truck i was racing with this morning got stopped as well! And for the record, i kicked HIS ass!

Near Death Experience

I'm in complete utter shock ... Been sitting still for about 30 minutes in a state of complete shock, not too sure what to do next. A few minutes ago, my dog almost died ... and the worst part of it all is that i almost killed her myself. I was walking her, like i do every day and i didnt notice that she got strangled in her leash/chain. Since she wasnt moving forward, i pulled and i almost hung her. She started convulsing, then lost consciousness for a few seconds and crashed on the floor. I have no idea where or how did i find the clarity of mind to do the right thing at the exact right second but i did and she came back to her lively happy self and kept on walking next to me, like if it was the most natural thing in the world to almost die every now and then. How is she now? Playing with her toys at my feet, looking at me in sheer adoration and making me feeling a million time worse.

Just checked the news and i found nothing, NOTHING about it ... Yeah for me it's the most important and the most distressing news there is, the only one worth hearing of ... Guess the life and death of people and living beings that really truly matter to you don't weight enough to make headline news.

Impossible

This song is dedicated to this very dear friend of mine (who'll probably never read this) who, when it comes to friendships and relationships in general, has the emotional potential of a tea spoon - you're so blinded by your own dejection that you don't even notice that there are people around you who care. Try to get out of your bubble of self inflicted pain some day and you'll find out that there are so many good people out there for you :)

It's impossible
It's impossible to love you
If you don't let me know what you're feeling
It's impossible for me to give you what you need
If you're always hidin' from me
I don't know what hurt you
I just, I wanna make it right
Cos boy I'm sick and tired of trying to read your mind
It's impossible (impossible)
Oh baby it's impossible for me to love you
It's the way it is
It's impossible (impossible)
Oh baby it's impossible
If you makin' it this way
Impossible to make it easy
If you always tryin' to make it so damn hard
How can I, how can I give you all my love, baby
If you're always, always puttin' up your guard
This is not a circus
Don't you play me for a clown
How long can emotions keep on goin' up and down
It's impossible (impossible)
Oh baby it's impossible for me to love you
It's the way it is
It's impossible (impossible)
Oh baby it's impossible
If you keep treating me this way
Over, over (over and over)
Impossible baby (impossible, impossible)
If you makin' it this way, this way
Oh baby, it's impossible
If you makin' it this way



Maybe one day you'll understand what friendship really is about.

Really ?? No, seriously, REALLY ?

A slice of what i get to hear at work ... I'm not even going to COMMENT on these ...

- can i get the online discount if i book over the phone?
- can i take my baby in the baby back-pack on the zip line tour?
- for the swim with the dolphin, is it salt water or clear water?
- can i take a wheel chair to your beach?
- do the tree grow white like this?
- is the cruise ship producing its own electricity?
- i have a ticket that says "tour departs at 1pm", at what time are we going to leave?
- excuse me what's the name of this town?
- can i dive on my period?
- can i drink the water? and the ice?
- is your tour safe?
- i'm coming in a month, is it going to rain?
- "good morning this is Mathilde, can i help you?" ... mmm, habla ingles?
- do i need to bring a swim suit if i'm doing the swim with the dolphins?
- if i buy an observer ticket, will i be able to see them?
- what do you mean you can't assure me we're going to see dolphins or turtles in the ocean?
- if i go on a snorkeling trip, will i see fishes?
- when you say it will take me a few minutes to walk the path, does it mean it'll take me 2 minutes or 3 minutes?
- the tide is high because there's a cruise ship in port today
- how come that there are so many american cars here, i thought this was Mexico
- do you have lockers? do they lock?
- does your sail boat have sails?
- what do you mean i can't rappel with flip flops?
- are the Marietas islands accessible by road, i get sea-sick
- 8am: i don't understand i sent you an email yesterday (FYI: at 11pm) and i havent received any answer yet.
- what do you mean a blind person cannot do your zip line tour, this is discrimination.
- maximum age is 8 years old but can my 10 years old join this program?
- do i need to be able to swim to go scuba diving?
- my ship arrives at 10am but it says the tour departs at 9am, can i still join?
- tour is not available on your requested date of June 10th. I have the 11th and the 12th available only - ok then book me on the 9th.
- here is your picture sir - oh thanks but hold on, how do i know it's me?
- how much is that? it's 20 pesos sir - oh they don't use US dollars here?

Masterpieces ... Priceless masterpieces ...





PS: keep posted, i will more likely add some more ...

Guilty

I have felt guilty for the past few weeks ... I guess when you have so much time on your hands, that means a lot of time to think about yourself. And i realized i've been doing a lot of things that actually make me feel guilty, especially when i think about them. So i have decided to write them down and ease my guilt a little ... Maybe it'll work! So there you go ...

I've felt guilty about not being able to walk my dog more than 1h30 every day, guilty that i havent ride my bike for the past 3 days, guilty to listen to Britney Spears full volume in my car (and even more guilty to know all the damn lyrics by heart), guilty to have drank wine when i've been trying to give up drinking completely, guilty to be on the point of standing up a guy cuz i realized i didnt want to have sex with him, guilty to eat Nutella with a spoon directly from the pot, guilty to have too much fun with my new toy, guilty to arrive 10 minutes late at work everyday, guilty to be going on holidays when the season is gonna start again here, guilty to be happy to cover for people who are sick, guilty of not writing blog and diary more often, guilty of not really worrying about not working, guilty about the week's worth of dishes in the sink (and the fortnight's worth of dirty clothes in the laundry basket), guilty to actually enjoy eating at McDonalds, guilty of only thinking about stuff in a sexual way, guilty of not attending a party i've been invited to about 10 times, guilty of re-reading for the 100th time a soapy book (or re-watching for the 100th time a soapy movie), guilty for eating in front of the computer or in my bed, guilty for loving my dog inconditionally and a little more everyday, guilty of thinking about this guy not stop, guilty of bragging about my vacations, guilty about feeling like a groupie when a guy who's blog i'm following answers my email, guilty about crying watching Monster Inc., guilty about spending most of my time on messenger, guilty about checking the gossips before the real news (thus knowing all of Angelina Jolie's kid's names and not the name of the French Prime Minister) and guilty to admit all that ...

Yep, that's a lot a guilt right there! And i guess i was wrong thinking writing about it would make the guilt burn a little less. It doesnt change the way i feel at all ... But i must admit though, it kinda helped when i think about it ... It just made me realized something ... It made me realized that no matter how guilty i am ... i don't care the slightest in the world!

100 things about me

Read this on one of the blogs i'm following and couldn´t resist doing it too ... So there you go! There is no order, i just threw things on the screen the way they came out ...

1. I’m French but haven’t been living in France since the year 2000.
2. I have a degree in English and in Sales & Marketing
3. I have worked in a bank for 2 years (I know)
4. I have been stopped driving drunk back in 99, lead to the police station, had to wait for my mom to come pick me up, went through a trial and lost 6 of 12 points of my driving license.
5. My drink of choice is vodka, accompanied by juice (cranberry or pineapple would be best) but I don’t say no to a glass of white wine ;)
6. I have stopped drinking 8 months ago when I realized I could shovel down 8 glasses of vodka and still be standing.
7. My first car was a Citroen AX offered by my parents for my 21st birthday.
8. I have been in a serious car accident (in the AX) in which I broke 2 ribs – since then, I don’t like to be driven.
9. I have seen my life passes in front of my closed eyes in a split second.
10. I sing my lungs out every time I’m in my car alone – reason why I don’t like to share rides.
11. I think out loud and “rehearse” scenarios out loud too, generally in my car.
12. Nikita is my 4th pit-bull … 2 of the 4 I have had died in my arms. I buried them both myself.
13. When I really like a song, I listen to it over and over again until I know the lyrics by heart.
14. When I like more than 2 things of an artist, i enter into discovery phase and listen to every single song and albums made by the same artist – I do the same with books, movies and blogs!
15. I have been in love a few times but considered spending the rest of my life with only 2 men – one of them not even dating him (yet).
16. There are very few things that can make me blush.
17. I have no taboo.
18. I am a very poor liar.
19. I don’t like children thus not planning on having any – maternity is not for everybody.
20. It has always been clear to me that if I do become a mom one day it’d be through adoption.
21. I don’t believe in marriage – nor in “happily ever after”.
22. I don’t believe in god either.
23. I have never voted – don’t see the point of it since I’d be voting for people in a country I don’t live in.
24. I once missed my flight back to France and cried like a baby in JFK airport.
25. I have been hit by an ex boyfriend of mine and forgave him – we are now on very good speaking terms.
26. I like guns.
27. I have threatened someone with a huge kitchen knife.
28. I go through an average of 10 pairs of sunglasses a year.
29. I have tried coke and liked it.
30. I am shit scared of iguanas and parrots (OK big birds in general, including roosters).
31. I faint every time I see a needle entering a vein – no matter who the vein belongs to.
32. I love bursting open blisters or scratching scabs – even if they’re not mine.
33. I have seen a friend covered in blood and not been disgusted or scared about it.
34. I have done 8 tattoos, 7 of which are visible (covered #1 with #4)
35. The longest tattooing session I’ve been through was 5 hours.
36. I can see further and read smaller prints than a lot of people.
37. I have been diagnosed with severe acarid allergy at age 12 and been sick so often that I now have a very poor sense of smell. I have also been diagnosed with asthma at age 31!
38. I once have agreed on meeting a guy i met online knowing that he was just getting out of a 6 years jail sentence for aggravated robbery - at this date, we are still very good friends.
39. I have spent 3 days and 2 nights in a hospital for a serious infection in my digestive system and thus cannot eat or smell fried food or spicy food without being very sick nor drink milk anymore (even though I still do from time to time).
40. I have always had a problem with authority.
41. I would have like to be a journalist.
42. I’ve had the chance to be intelligent enough not too work too hard (ever) to pass every exams I presented (so far).
43. I speak 3 languages fluently even though I wanted this to be 5 by the time I reached 30.
44. I am not superstitious at all.
45. I have had doubts about my sexual orientation for as long as I can remember and realized I like both men and women.
46. I am very ticklish in the neck.
47. I can fall asleep anywhere.
48. I don’t have a TV.
49. I love playing Sudoku and minesweeper on the computer.
50. I tend to drown myself in a story, whether it’s in a book or in a movie and could kick people asking me if I’m crying while I’m crying my eyes out.
51. I am a big fan of cartoons and can pretty much recite all the ones I own.
52. I am also a big fan of “Friends” – my favorite episode being the one with all the wedding dresses.
53. I once considered getting breast augmentation, investigated through and realized I don’t want to be that kind of woman.
54. I have a weakness for dark men ... big time :p
55. I’m the biggest pasta fan this side of the world.
56. I love my meat bloody – I’d eat it raw if it was legal and healthy.
57. One of my secret fantasy is to drive the Charger of the Federals, with all lights on and scream on the megaphone: get out of my way.
58. I wish I had a pet duck but they’re messy and dirty.
59. I am writing a diary since I’m 10.
60. I wet my bed every single night until age 5 – told my mom it didn’t really matter since I was sleeping alone hence not wetting anybody else but me (no comment on this one).
61. I was head of my class every year until I got to secondary school – then I just went with the flow.
62. I had my first kiss at age 13.
63. And lost my virginity 2 years later.
64. I’ve always been a crack in maths.
65. I played the clarinet for 12 years.
66. I have seen 3 dead bodies in my life, 2 of them belonging to my grand-mothers.
67. I could kill or hurt very bad someone who attempts on injuring or hurting my dog.
68. I love plants but don’t like to receive bouquets or flowers.
69. I’m a very decent chef.
70. I’d do all the dishes but please, don’t make me sweep the floor – let alone mop it!
71. I never agree with anybody about colors which lead me to think I may be color blind.
72. I’d like to be (if not a journalist as mentioned before) an operation manager on a big construction company.
73. I’m a behind the scenes kinda person, no so much of a front-lady.
74. I took a nap with my dog on the floor once and that was the best nap ever.
75. I get weak at the knee listening to the puertorican accent.
76. I got kicked of class for laughing and started laughing again the second I stepped back in.
77. I haven’t been using a watch since 2001.
78. I can´t stand people baby-talking but I do the same with my dog when I’m alone with her.
79. I once been told that I was someone’s role model :o
80. I always agreed that money doesn’t bring happiness but hell it surely makes life easier.
81. I think chocolate should always been accompanied by Coca Cola.
82. I am terrified of being dismembered.
83. I can’t sleep with my feet or my hands on top of the cover, I still think a monster could crawl from under my bed and eat them.
84. If I got to do martial arts, I would do something with sabers.
85. I once ate dog food.
86. I wonder if I’d had the guts to unplug relatives of mine if I were asked to.
87. I talk in my sleep.
88. I have no problem getting naked in front of strangers.
89. I’m allergic to thinner and benzene.
90. I once slammed the door on someone’s face, felt good the second I did it and then like a complete prat on the other side of the door!
91. I don’t deal with people’s tears and despair very well, it makes me very uncomfortable.
92. I have woken up next to someone I had no idea who he was and ran away before he woke up.
93. At 17, a guy broke my heart into a thousand pieces. Since then, I’ve always been the one breaking up thus getting a reputation of heart-breaker.
94. A lot of the people I have had sex with cheated on their partner with me.
95. I once slept 19 hours straight.
96. I have always been convinced my life will be short and my death violent.
97. I’m a tomboy – I like guy’s things better than girl’s.
98. My hair has never reached my shoulders.
99. I have weird tastes – or so they say.
100. I thought it’d be hard to find 100 points when I realized I could have written another 100!

 

30+

So it IS true ... you don´t quite recover as well as 30+ than at 29. It is a FACT. Went out yesterday, normal for a saturday ... except that i work on sunday and today was a pretty intense day at work ... Woke up at 6am (when i went to bed at 4.30am) and just realized that yeah, one hour and a half worth of sleep was just fine 10 years ago, not so much nowadays.
So i'll take my old self to bed right now and fall into delicious oblivion until morning. So it's 7pm. And your point is ?