5 de Mayo

It's been 11 years. ELEVEN YEARS. Eleven years that I've been living here in Mexico. I never thought i'd stay this long, i never thought i would ever come to realize that damn, i'm actually going to miss this place.

Me in Mazatlan, early May 2002

11 years ago, i entered Mexico by bus, from Los Angeles, through one of the busiest border city: Tijuana. I was heading South, and i spent my first 22 hours on Mexican territory in a bus, got stopped and the entire bus searched out a few times by armed-up-to-their-eyeballs military men in balaclavas, little did i know back then that this supposed 3rd world country was the place i was going to call home for the next 11 years.

I believe the real date stamped on my passport was May 3rd. But then the IMM (Mexican Immigration Institute) got it wrong and stated that i entered the country on May 5th. And i kinda liked it better.

Me: why is everything closed today?

Taxi driver: because it's May 5th, we celebrate the Battle of Puebla.

Me: what happened during that Battle?

Taxi driver: Mexican army kicked the French army's ass!

*** sigh ***

It was in 1862.

And 140 years later, here i was. Doing my own personal revengeful invasion of Mexico. At the ripe age of 24.

Mexico is nothing like what the medias are showing or saying. It's an amazing country, with amazing people. It's been the place I've called Home for the past 4000+ days. And it would most likely have remained this way wouldn't have life gotten in the way.

My neighbors asked me to make a list of all the things i'll miss when i'm gone. So they can see, through my eyes, what i value most from their country. It's a great idea for a post. I'll work on it soon. We tend to forget what we have and even worse, forget to enjoy what we have while we have it for focusing so much on what we want. Life is short. Every minute counts. 

What i'll miss the most are the people I've met throughout these years and who have been, somehow and somewhat, part of my life and part of the person i have grown into. Realizing that i will probably never see some of them ever again drills a painful hole in my heart.

These 11 years were never planned. But I've came to realize that even the best laid plans go awry. Life is good. It's only just a new beginning :)

The Grand Mother's Experiment

No, i am not cooking any of my grandmothers (may they both RIP) nor anybody else's as it is, but i am an asthmatic and i've been told that there is a plant that you need to cook like if it was a tea that is great for every pulmonary infections including asthma. 

In fact its not really a plant, it's the roots of a plant, called (translated from Spanish) skunk's tail. And you have to boil it with a red onion. And then drink it. 

With that said, hmm,where to start??

Skunk tail...

Can you imagine the smell of this shit? And i'm cooking it on top of it all! When i got it delivered, you should have seen the face of the guy handling the bag to me. First it was wrapped into 3 platic bags (those jumbo super thick trash bags) and then he gave it to me with an expression on his face that was saying, for crying out loud put that away or i'll puke. 

I have a terrible sense of smell so i couldnt smell anything. But now that i'm cooking it, oh dear. It surely doesnt smell good - i dont even want to imagine the taste!

And to top it all, i had to add an onion in there!

I have no idea how long i should cook it or how much i should drink or if i can put sugar in it. I dont know anything.

I have a feeling it's not gonna taste good.

I have a feeling it's gonna taste like feet.

The moment of truth is about to happen....

OMG it's worse than the worse medicine ever, it's worse than feet.

I certainly hope it's effective cuz it's the nastiest taste EVER!!!!

I hate granny's remedies.

But they tend to work (i'll keep you posted)

Happy Mother's Day

So i called my mom this morning since it's Mother's Day. Well, no, it's Mother's Day in the States, in Mexico and who knows where else but not in France it's not. In France, Mother's Day is the last Sunday of May. 

I called her anyway, and i told her: happy mother's day!!!!! you know with that joyful voice you use when you wish someone a happy birthday, anniversary, new job, or a happy whatever.

And she answered this:

What? Emm, OK then.

O_o

FAIL

EPIC FAIL

I have a mom.

She's kinda dead inside.

So now i feel like an idiot for wishing her a happy mother's day cuz it's not mother's day where i'm from and i will most likely completely forget about it when it's actually it in a couple of more weeks.

I'm in a no-win situation.

We Went To A Charreada!

"We" as in my dad and i. It was totally unexpected, i didnt even know my dad would be remotedly interested in such a thing but we did go to a charreada. 

A Charreada is a competive event similiar to a rodeo which consists of 9 events for men and 1 for women,  all of which involve horses, cattle or both. And it's also the official national sport of Mexico. I know, who would have thought that i'd go there ever. I'm not fond of horses and i'm not comfortable at all with cows.  

As i said, it was unexpected. Dear beloved was late to leave for work, had to take a cab, hence passed in front of the Lienzo Charro where he saw the big poster for the national Charro final. He called us right away and as soon as i asked my dad, he said, yes, let's do this today. The things you get to do when you dont have a plan!!

If we dont like it or get borred, it's 10 minutes away by bus from my house, we could always go back. Except that we didnt!

It all began at noon. The #4, 5 and 6 teams competing to see who would win the "other" final. And it was honestly a lot fun. See, you dont see a hundred riders doing the same trick over and over again. You see these 3 teams competing over a serie of 9 tasks.

So we got to see the horse galloping full speed and having to stop over a limited amount of lenght, the rider catching a calf with a lasso, then catching a foal, a rider riding a wild horse, than riding a wild bull, the rider catching the calf from his horse, then on the ground, the rider changing horse while already riding one, etc etc.

The entire ordeal took 4 hours. We were most likely the only white people there but did we enjoy it. My dad is awesome when it comes to being in places like that. He drank beers like everybody else, ate tacos al pastor and birria, like everybody else, we even rent a cushion to seat comfortably and took many pictures that i yet have to download on my computer.

We saw people wistling, applauding, sending their hats and boots in the arena, children dressed like mini Charros and mini Escaramuzas (lady riders) and we had a total blast.

We didnt stay for the big finale. We already had 4 hours of it, we were both sunburnt and even though we did had a great time, we were just tired of the noise and the dust. But we did celebrate in style: my dad bought himself a pair of boots! Leather boots with leather sole, 100% mexican made. How much i'd pay to see him showing off his boots back in France!

PS: check the link of the Charreada if you're not familiar with it to see what tasks are all about!

163 Litres

163 litres is the AVERAGE amount of Coke that an average Mexican drinks during a year. Which is, when you make the maths, about half a litre a day.

And i think that's scary.

It's scary in the sense that it's not only the Coke that's damaging of your health but everything you actually ingest with it: crisps, cookies, freid stuff, greasy stuff and a lot of wakala stuff.

But i'm not here to talk about this. Mexican people are generally fat and about (if they havent already) to surpass the American people for the sad record of obese people within the population. I've been living here 10 years and i'm not fat. Why? Because i exercise and dont drink soda over meals. There is no big secret. I also dont like greasy fried food (which helps too!!)

What i wanted to say, is that even though i havent been biking during 4 weeks, the second i started again, i bumped into the same people doing exercise in the morning (i bike through a pedestrian avenue where people go to run, bike, walk their dogs or just hang out). 

There is this young mother pushing her baby cart energically with weights on her ankle, this old lady walking super slowly but with that intense pain in her facial expression, this young dude who runs with a coat on and sweats like a pig, the housewives in their zumba classes, the girl with the pug wearing a cruz azul sweater (cruz azul that's a mexican soccer team), an old lady walking two gigantic dogs she can barely control, a show off dude doing push ups right in the middle of the path and a whole bunch of other people exercising that i see every single morning.

It just feels good to be back :)

Hurricane? What Hurricane?

It's been going on since Saturday ... We're supposed to have a hurricane coming our way. It's called Jova. Irwin is right behind. It's kind of a big deal on the West Coast of Mexico since we generally dont get any hurricane this side of the country. Or when we do, they're more tropical storms and coming from the South.

Jova is coming from the West. Which if it stays a category 4 type of hurricane, will swoosh inside the bay and erase it from the map. Cuz let's be honest, a hurricane getting inside a pretty narrow bay surrounded by mountains, will get stuck in there and wont go away until the job is done.

A few hours ago, Jova got back down to a type 2 hurricane. And this is the sunset we got tonight:
  

And right before we all got out of work this afternoon, our boss told us to set up an "out of the office" note saying something like "sorry folks, hurricane Jova is on its way to sweep us all off our feet and we might not be coming to the office tomorrow Wednesday nor Thursday and well, we'll be back eventually, probably on Friday, if the office is still there!"

Even though i'd love NOT to work for the next two days, i can't start to imagine how much work i'd drown into if i have to stay home for 2 days ...

It's 10pm. Jova is supposed to get to us around 1am.

There is not the slightest wind. It's not even raining ...

Hurricane? What hurricane? You only said it to get us excited and nothing. I want my money back.

Drenched

I know it was meant to happen, it hadnt happened yet but did last night on my way back home. One of these days you're looking at the window at work and dont even see the building across the street. What i was seeing though was my bike on the balcony looking at me like it knows what's gonna happen next.

Every time i feel lazy or completely unwilling to bike back home,  i focus on the following morning at 8am, picturing 4 buses passing in front of me without stopping cuz they're jammed packed. And i think, let's bike then, i'll be arriving home and i'll take a shower and put on some dry clothes.

Yesterday, at 6pm, i raced into my biking clothes, grabbed my bike as fast as i could, rushed downstairs with bike on my shoulder and made it to the front door of my office's building right on time for the begining of the downpour.

Half a block down the street and i was soaked to the bone. The main difference is that it's still 30°C outside so risks of getting a pneumonia are actually pretty remote :)

What was worrying me a bit was that Exiquio Corona Avenue, which is the very last portion of my way back home. It's always the worse part when it rains cuz the draining system is inexistant and the streets get completely flooded.

Well that time was no exception. Except that something quite new happened to me. Every time my foot was at the lowest point of the pedal, my entire foot and shoe was UNDERWATER. I mean seriously 100% underwater. And obviously, it's not that nice clean pool water we're talking about. It's that nasty, stinky, oily street dirty brown water... GROSS.

I made it home after killing my crotch not seeing this big hole in the road around the corner from my house, thanked god i'm not a man, and made it home literally swimming in my shoes. 

Plotch plotch plotch.

Dear beloved was home, handled me a dry towel to make my way to the bathroom and emptied my bag to dry everything (especially my phone which was already taking a foot-bath).

The rain stopped about an hour after i made it home. I believe this was the last rain of the rainy season. 

It got me good.

Seriously?

6:58am


It's 31.7°C outside.

Seriously?


Is it real?


Is it even possible?

Steamy

I have finally found Mexican's secret fountain of youth and perfect skin!

As usual, and most likely for quite some time to come, i took the bus back home yesterday. It was steaming hot outside since we havent had any rain in the past 4 days and the idea of being in a bus for the next 20 minutes was nothing remotedly appealing. But since walking home would take me a good hour and a half (if not more), what other options do i have?

That was undoubtedly the longest bus ride EVER.

It was so hot inside that everybody was DRIPPING sweat. Me included. But i really mean dripping sweat. 

On top of being the grossest thing ever, how uncomfortable is that anyway? 

There was this ventilation panel on the roof that was staring at me like it was saying "dont you dare opening me" that nobody even tried to open, i mean what is wrong with you people?

I caught myself thinking, wow, if i were stuck in a reduced space with the people of this particular bus, we'd die in no time. And then i thought, well, if i WERE stuck in there with all of them, i wouldnt ask for permission and would actually open the damn ventilation panel.

I work in an air-conditionned office and my desk is right under the AC. Needless to say i'm freezing my ass all day so i tend to use pants. Well yesterday i had capri denim pants on. 

Bad idea.

It took me like 10 minutes to detach them from my legs.

Sweating is not fun. Especially when you sweat doing nothing at all. When you're soaked in sweat because you spent 2 hours in the gym or walking your dog, it's ok. But doing nothing it's just not cool.

And when on top of that, half the sweat is not even yours, it's just plain gross.

But at least my skin looks HOT with a 6.5 pesos treatment. What does beat this?

Change of Plans

Or is it change of planes? It's kinda both.

As you all know, i got my plane ticket to go visit my friend in Playa del Carmen. Well, at least, i THOUGHT i had my plane ticket. Return flight PVR-CUN-PVR. One week away from it all. Problem is: i booked it through Mexicana. And guess what? Mexicana just declared itself in bankruptcy and cancelled all their flights.

O_o

From today noon, Mexicana de Aviacion just stopped operating and flying their planes.
Awesome (** heavily loaded sigh **)

Since i had read online that they will be honoring the people who had booked with them (like me) and used other airlines to transfer their clients to their destination, i decided to call them today and ask what was their plan for me, since my vacations and my flight are like, next week. I mean we're talking DAYS.

Out of the hundreds employees Mexicana surely has, oh god, i had a world champion.
I asked him what is that i had to do to get to Cancun with my now cancelled flight. And he said, well, at this point we don't have any partnership with any airlines. What do you mean "at this point"? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? So what am i supposed to do then? I mean i need to get to Cancun. Correction, i MUST get to Cancun. Otherwise i'll probably lose it completely. And guess what he answered?
He said: well you can wait until tomorrow to check if your flight will be re-established.
WHAT?
Are you fucking serious?
What are the freaking ODDS of my flight getting back on the departure board at the airport when the second largest airline company of the country just announced they're bankrupt and that ALL their flights were cancelled UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. I mean do you think i'm stupid? Like we'd say here in Mexico "me ves la cara de pendeja?"

Trying not to lose my calm, and dealing with people like him gives my patience a serious kick in the nuts, i quietly asked him: ok then, what do i have to do to get my refund? (he passed me the website's link) Thanks. How long is it gonna take? He said well, you know, we dont process refunds here, it's another area, it's only online blablabla, bullshit. That's when i lost it. I mean dude, i know the company is done and broke, but people ARE going to ask that question, it's probably going to be THE only question people really want an answer to and you dont have a clue.

It is NOT my fault that your employer is officially bankrupted. It is NOT my fault that my flight has been cancelled. It is NOT my fault that you can't take me from point A to point B with another company. But i have to BUY another plane ticket to go to the place i initially planed to go to and i NEED THE MONEY.

Like NOW.

Dont know how long it'll take. Don't even know if i'll ever see my money back. But one thing is certain. I am going to harass Mexicana EVERY SINGLE DAY between now and the moment they get me my money back. I'm gonna be their salker. And trust me, they'll be sorry if i dont get it back.

Is It Real Life?

We are in the midst of the rainy season here but it's been some serious shit lately. Our first real bad ass storm was on saturday night. Wind so strong a few branches fell of my trees, rain so thick i couldnt see my fence from my bedroom window (20 meters away), it was so bad even my dog got to sleep inside the house!!
Well today it was worse. The second i hopped in my car, it started raining pouring. And i mean i had a 20 minutes drive to do to get back home from work. When you realize you're driving 40 km/h on a highway and that your wipers at their fastest dont do the job anymore, you know things are bad. But i mean BAAAD. And it got even worse when i realized public light was down which means no traffic lights no more. And at a point on my trip back home, i have a 6 lines street to cross. With no lights to stop the crazy cars from coming. Not that they arrive fast anyway but still.

That was what it was looking like (sorry pictures are crap but try to drive AND take a picture, i mean how do i know where i'm going??). As you can tell, well, you dont really see who's in front of you, who's behind, who's arriving ahead. How the hell do you want me to cut the traffic to go to the other side?? Well, i did it the Mexican way (damn, i was just born to do that shit), "a la brava", engaged first gear and hoped for the best. I understand that turning your lights on are not gonna be of much help to YOU but damn, it surely help ME seeing you coming. Bloody tsuru i almost cut it in two!

The highway is inclined so all the water goes to one side of the road. So basically, it doesnt really matter that it rains so hard, you dont really slide with your car. Then i have to go through one of those famous cobblestone streets and since it's just next to this big wide canal, not so much of an issue there either.
But when i arrived to my colonia, my neighborhood, oh man, that was another story.
Remember the dikes?
Yeah well me too.
They're doing a hell of a job.
Water does NOT go through. It STAYS ON THE ROAD. Cuz the canal that's right at the dikes' feet was so full it was vomiting the excess of water on the road  and the current was so strong you could have raft in it. A-MA-ZING.
Couldnt take picture of the dikes and the grand canyon river, i was busy trying to remember where bloody speed bumps are (cuz honestly, you couldnt see them no more).

And that's when i got ....
THERE:

I mean seriously.
I have a Ford Ikon, not a speedboat. Not a Hummer either you know. My car doesnt like water. It just doesnt. And i JUST got it fixed. I would have opened my door, water would have rushed in. Seriously this is how high the water level was. I could actually hear it clapping against the driver's door.
Then the road goes up. Not much but enough for the extra squillion tons of water to run down the streets. It kinda reminded me those movies where a press is breaking and you have those huge massive waves coming down and drowning everybody. Well when you see a plastic chair and a volley ball passing next to your window, it surely feels like it.

Oh, and did i say there was lightning as well? The lightning is to light up your evening and make you notice how serious the flood is !! I mean it was apocalypse now. The end of the world.

Wasnt it supposed to be in 2012?

Dude, it's still 2010. Get a grip.
Or better, get a calendar!


  

Me and ... The Bus

For the Nth time this year, my car broke down. I told my mechanic it has asthma. That's how it feels anyway. And unfortunately, i dont think there are inhalors for cars. It had to go straight to the lung doctor aka the mechanic. He called me the following day and said: darling, it's the air valve, which makes your car act like it's in 5th when it should be in 3rd and sucks gaz like a drug addict snorting coke. Yeah, i know. He said it'll be a few days to fix it since he needed to order the valve. Whatever.

I dont really use my car. Well i mean i do but i dont really NEED my car. Whether it's to go to work or to go anywhere else, there are buses pretty much everywhere. And to any destination. And the closest bus passes one block away from my house.
So on Wednesday, first day without my car, i had to take the bus to go to work. No big deal. I actually kinda like taking the bus cuz i dont have to worry about other people on the road. As most of you know already, i tend to lose focus easily, i tend to lose my train of thoughts, to be all over the place, to daydream a lot and above all, i love to do people watching. So in the bus, i can do all that.

So here i was, 7:30am, at the corner of the block, at the bus stop, waiting for my dear beloved bus to come pick me up. It showed up maybe 5 minutes later, at full throttle. Here in Mexico, unless you wave the bus driver, he will no stop. Problem was, bloody bus was so jammed packed people were HANGING OUTSIDE!! O_o

In the split second i realized that and the moment the bus was arriving where i was standing i thought "there is no way he's gonna stop" but i mechanically waved at it anyway.

And it stopped.
In front of me.
And i laughed.
I mean, dude, where am i supposed to stand? I dont mind standing in the bus, i'd actually rather stand than sit but there is no ROOM to even stand. I couldnt stop laughing cuz honestly, for me, at that moment, it was just unreal. Well i guess being a woman in Mexico surely helps sometimes, one of the guy hanging pushed himself up, the other one hanging let me hop on, and got back to his hanging place, basically making a human railing for me not to fall. How sweet.

This is the bus i'm taking in the morning. The exact same one except that mine doesnt say "ixtapa" in the windshield. But this picture is a real one from Puerto Vallarta, taken downtown.

I pass you the details of MORE people hopping on, and people getting off so having to get down every stop to let them pass. All that happening at 7:30 in the morning. I mean you havent even started your working day and it's already an adventure!!

Well today was a little different. I was working further north, in the other state to be precise. So i had to get a connection bus! jaja. 15-20 minutes of the local bus and then 30-40 minutes of the interstate one. When you're in the bus for 15 minutes, standing is ok. But i mean when you're standing for 40 minutes, it's a lot less fun. But again, that was without counting on some of my co-worker's gallantry. I got on the interstate bus after maybe 25 people. And another 10 were behind me!!!! As i was heading towards the back of the bus (cuz i'm not fond of people rubbing their ass against mine as they try to get out), a colleague of mine just waved at me and told me to take his seat. Awww. How sweet.

One of my main problem with the bus, it's like the train, it rocks me to sleep. And since i hadnt slept enough the night before, i was gone the second the bus took off. To have the same colleague poke me in the shoulder 30 minutes later telling me, hey, we're there. Damn. I would have slept another hour and came back to where i started from!

On my way back tonight, the ride was nasty though. All that i dont like about the bus, was there. So between the guy with his i-pod full volume with banda music (please, take my headset, i'm offering them to you, no you dont have to give them back to me, i'm fine), the AC that is not working (it's 4pm and 40°C outside) so sweat dripping in my back and pretty much everywhere else (and everybody else as well, eww), the traditional mexican family coming back from the beach with 6 kids and 6 massive inflatable rings INFLATED still, a screaming kid who's gonna burst his lungs open and my accumulated tiredness, nope, interstate bus ride back home wasnt fun. But i just love the local bus one. It was as packed as in the morning one but with a whole bunch of people going back home after their long day at work, in the heat, standing in their glorious sweat, tight as sardines in their tin box, about to lose their balance and fall every time the bus is starting up, hanging outside the bus again and´passing the money to pay their trip cuz they got on by the back door, and getting their change and ticket back a few minutes later after every single person in the bus has touched it, people answering their phone, others struggling to make their way out and people like me, chatting on my phone with my 2 best friends (one on the other side of the world, the other on the other side of the country), enjoying every second of the ride, soaking myself into people's every day life.

I love the bus. I actually love it so much i miss my stop half of the time.
It didnt happen today though. I've noticed last time that i needed to ring the bell in front of the beer store and get off in front of the ice cream store. And that the second i ring the bell, i need to start hacking my way through the mob to make sure i get to the door on time to get off.

Cuz i'd die of embarassment if i had to scream "bajan" to the driver.


  

Mexico @ 6am ...

6am is the time i wake up on working days. I zombily hop into my sweat pants and shoes and take my dog for her morning walk. This routine is so anchored in me that i dont even realize i'm ready until i actually lock the front door.

Mexico at 6am is my favorite one. It's dark still, it's cool and more than anything, it's quiet. Of course there is the pile of trash that hasnt been collected yet sitting in ever corner, people waiting for the bus (bus start operating at 5:30am in my neighborhood), roosters and chickens singing in the trees (and me dreading one of them will mis-step and fall on me) and people driving their car to work as well but only in a small part of my usual route. Again, i am so use to taking the same itinerary every day that i am starting to bump into the same people every morning, also to know who lives where, who wakes up at what time, who's coming to buy their tortillas in what truck (the tortilla place smells so freaking good in the morning oh my, that's probably why i'm so hungry when i arrive back home ... and eat bread!!) and vice versa! Now the fruit store 6am employee waves at me and my dog when i pass in front of his store, same for the tortilla guys!

Well today was a different day. It was a different day because it rained all night. So my morning route, the one i take every single day, was quite different than its usual self. I always try to walk my dog through un-paved streets cuz i really dont think dogs are meant to walk and run on cement. Not all the time anyway. So i avoid is as much as i can when i chose a new itinerary. Well it seems like i'm gonna have to find out a rain-route. Cuz the normal route is so not happening again after a night's worth of rain. All the un-paved streets were rivers. Some shallow and some pretty damn deep. I mean Niki doesnt care, she has raincoat and rain boots included. I dont. And my sneakers are so not made for that kind of terrain anymore. I've been using them to walk my dog for about 2 years now and the sole doesnt even have a grip anymore. So needless to say that muddy streets are VERY slippery. And my dog, in the morning, after a 10 hours night, has more energy than a bulldozer. I almost fell like 10 times within the half block outside my house. And when there is just this tiny little space to pass on the other bank in a relatively dry yet muddy patch, Niki always finds the way to cut in front of me with her leash, to push me so she can get on the dry patch she didnt even need in the first place or to jump in the mud pond next to me and covering me. I mean come on i was trying to stay dry.

They say walking your dog is the best way to meet people, even one of the best way to find a date. Aja. Sure. Wearing sweat pants and rain boots, and after i struggle my way out of the mud-pond (if i havent actually fell in it), what do i do? Invite him/her for coffee at my place, knowing that Niki would have dashed in to chase the geckos and cover the floor in muddy water. Yeah. Welcome home.

Question: is there such thing as fancy rain boots?


     

It's The Heat ...

Today has been an INSANELY hot day on the pier. I mean yes, i know what you're gonna say, DUH it's summer and you live in Mexico. Well yes, but still. It rained last night and jeez, it was sauna-like today. So by sheer curiosity, i've investigated online how hot it really was. And it said (quote): 31°C feeling 37°C. Humidity 77%.
So let me get things straight ok.
It's NOT 31°C out there and it's DEFINITELY NOT feeling like 37°C.

It's 45°C feeling 50°C.

With 150% humidity.

What?

You think I'm exagerating?

Well, maybe a little. But come to spend half hour with me on the pier and then we'll talk about how YOU feel about the heat. Cuz after all, it's MY blog and it's how I feel that matters right?? jaja. So yeah. Kinda tough day today. Didnt get it as bad as last week though when i actually got heat exhaustion but that's a boring (and an old) story.

Needless to say i was only too pleased when i grabbed my stuff and head to my car. What i didnt expect (and i'm starting to think i'm the only one who actually notice that kinda thing or actually the only one amazed or bumped or stunned by that kinda things) was to see what i saw when i got to my car. And since there is no way you'd believe me if i'd only SAY it (cuz some people seem to think that i'm inventing all those things to be funny - and i'm repeating again that no, i'm not funny, those things really happen to me), i took a picture of it.

OH MY GOD.

I mean the guy is actually PASSED OUT DRUNK on the sidewalk. What you can't see on this picture was the empty bottles of beer and the empty bottle of cheap tequila. Cuz let's have some respect for the man (since he obviously lost the little respect he had for himself), i took the picture from behind my wheel, once i was inside my car =)
So even though it's gonna sound weird, well this guy kinda made my day. My work day was long, unpleasant because of the weather conditions today, it was a moment when i was so very much longing to be back home and indulging in this long cold shower to remove the sweat and the stickiness out, a moment i was tired and oh so ready to go home and then i saw him.
What does he care about?
Don't worry about the heat. Just be drunk happy!

And as they say in one spanish song ... "y tras varios tequilas, las nubes se van pero el sol no regresa" (yeah i know they don't talk about THAT sun, oh, shut up, whatever)


PS: i asked about "is it only happening to me?" thingy. And a mexican friend of mine told me, no, it's not only happening to you but you're the only one thinking that it is not normal.
OH.

OH.


HMMM.



Whaaaat?


  

Nature's Gift To ME

There is a lot to talk about but i'll be brief this time.

Mother Nature has gifted me with a pair of humming birds. Yes, a pair of them, nesting in the tree in front of my house, feeding on my hundred thousands rotting mangos, flying around my garden, enjoying the place and life in general.

Just found out they're territorial birdies and that they are not scared of human whatsoever.

I love humming birds.
I feel blessed.



PS: this is NOT a picture of the one i have. I mean come on, did you see how fast those little tiny things are flying?


  

Mangos, Mangos and More Mangos

The first thing i noticed when i visit the property i end up buying, apart from the amazing amount of space outside, was the 2 big mango trees ON THE PROPERTY ITSELF. And i was like "FUCK YEAH". I honestly didnt looked at the inside of the house much. I was obsessed by the simple fact that i was gonna be the proud owner of two mango trees.

My whole time dream.

Mango is my favorite fruit in the world. I discovered it when i was living in Ireland when my boyfriend of the time brought one home for me to try. Imported of course. 2 euros a mango, better be good.

So when i arrived in Mexico and i saw that the KILO of mango is not even 2 euros, that you can actually get mangos off of trees on the street for free, i was like, hell yeah i belong here.

Mexico is actually the 3rd country for mango production (behind India (far far first) and China) and if i remember well what i've been taught, mango is one of the 5 most produced fruit here (with corn, coffee, tobacco and marijuana i can't remember what's the last one).

And how happy was i when i realized that i was going to move in just on time to harvest my own mangos. Seriously, how COOL is that?
What i wasnt aware of though is HOW MUCH bloody mangos a mango tree produce. I mean.
OH
MY
GOD

I have been eating mangos like an insane woman who hasnt been eating anything but roots in like a month. I eat mango for breakfast, for lunch, for afternoon tea, for dinner, for midnight buffet, at all hour of the day and the night. I have been collecting mangos every second day, and washing them, and peeling them, and cutting them in pieces and freezing them in ziploc bags. My fridge is already full of mangos (picture will come soon). I now live mangos, breathe mangos, sweat mangos, dream mangos.

AAAAAAAHHHHHH.

On wednesday, i picked up all the mangos that were on the floor. Took me two hours to do so. Cuz i had to separate the rotten ones from the eatable ones. But i mean i was on top of my game doing that. I used my wheelbarrow with 2 massive buckets on it: one for the rotten ones, one for the good ones. And what did i do with the rotten ones? No i didnt trash them in a garbage bag. Do you have any idea how HEAVY a garbage bag is when full of mangos? Yeah well of course i've done that the first time. Couldnt lift the bag, when i finally managed to move it like 3 inches its bottom broke open ... story of my life.
So no, what i do with the useless rotten ones, i make HOME MADE COMPOST. I have this huge container i fill up with rotten mangos, mango peels and mango leaves and i am making my own mango compost so my other plants can grow huge and beautiful.

This is what my ground looked like before i start picking up mangos today. That's what fell in just 3 days.
So since my wheelbarrow-2-buckets technique was working just fine 3 days ago, i re-used it again today. But man, i mean how many kilos a tree produce a day? My freaking god! It's insane. I looked on the internet but couldnt find that info. So i made my own maths (cuz i like numbers).
Today, i picked up one bucket of good ones : 15 kilos and 2 buckets of rotten ones : 30 kilos.
So that's 45 kilos i've been handling (no wonder my back hurts now).
45 kilos that fell from ONE of my 2 trees in 3 days. So that makes 15 kilos a day. Knowing that i only collected HALF of ONE tree, i can estimate that my i-used-to-like-you-so-much-but-not-so-much-anymore mango trees produce 45 kilos of mango A DAY. Between the 2 of them. So that's 27.5 kilos per tree. Approx.
In my case, one third is eatable cuz they have parasites. That makes a good 15 kilos a day.

FIFTEEN KILOS OF MANGOS A DAY.

WHO EATS THAT ?

They say that even though India is the first country producer of mango, they eat most of it themselves. If they eat that many, can they come pick up mine? Really feels like i'm producing half of Mexico's here.




Oh i can HEAR mangos falling every few minutes. That has gotta stop. How many more days of harvesting i'm having ahead? Anyone?


  

Should I Worry Maybe??

Here in Mexico where i live, like in many tropical countries, we have 2 seasons: the dry season and the rainy season. Rainy season is generally from now up until early october or so.

Rain is actually cool here. It sticks the dust on the ground, cool off the air for a few minutes, makes everything look so lush-y and green and beautiful. It generally pours for an hour or so and then it clears off. Obviously, that kind of tropical storm takes time to form itself so in the morning, it's nice and cool because of last night's rain. Then around midday, with the sun at its highest and brightest (so when it is SO hot), sky starts getting darker and darker, humidity is shooting up, everything feels so heavy and gross, time stands still (or so it feels) and all of the sudden, without previous notice, it starts raining.

I already talked about the heavy rains we have in PV in a post last year. So i'm not gonna ramble on about it again. But point is, when it rains, it THE FLOOD. There is so much water that falls in such a short amount of time that even the most high-tech biggest bad-ass-est draining system wouldnt be any good. And to be truly honest, mexican's draining system is nowhere close to be the most high-tech biggest bad ass-est. So when it rains, it also floods.

Walking on a sidewalk and seeing a local bus coming your way with a surfable wave on the side is quite a sight. And if you are on your way to work, well, hope you took some change of clothes with you cuz fact is: you are gonna get drenched. Soaked to the bone.

I have moved house, area, neighborhood, state even BEFORE all that rain thingy starts. I have lived in a lot of different places here in PV but never where i am right now. So what i'm saying (and the simple fact of writing it here is rather dreadful) is that i have NO CLUE how the water is gonna travel here. On my land, in my street, in my neighborhood and the streets around.
I have no freaking clue (**gasp**)

On the road i take to drive to work, there is a canal. A decent sized canal but not a BIG huge one. There are canals like that all over PV for the water to escape. They're gutters. Tiny little gutters considering the amount of water that falls on us but gutters nonetheless.

Well the other day, maybe a week ago, i saw a lot of people around the canal. Every year, they clean the canals before the rain starts. They clean them of all the dust and plants and trash that accumulates in there for the 7 months the dry season lasts.
Except that the cleaning was done well before i moved here.
What they were doing there was a complete unknown operation to me (up until now at least). What they were doing was filling up bags of dirt (20-30 kilos bags) and building up dikes. On both sides of the canal.

So let me repeat this quietly:
THEY ARE BUILDING DIKES.
DIKES people.
DIKES.

And pretty damn high ones as it is.

I am starting to SERIOUSLY worry about the rain now. I mean if they are building dikes, it is now a FACT, a KNOWN fact that the canal is NOT deep enough, nor wide enough for the rain that's coming.

O_o

Should i buy a boat instead of a bike?
Oh my, 2010 rainy season should be quite something. Bet you're gonna hear about it soon!


  

Hold Your Breath

Mexico is playing in the opening game of the World Cup against host country South Africa. Which means i now have 15 minutes to write those lines if i dont want to miss the second half of the game. Which means an entire nation is breathing again right now since they have been dominating this game but havent scored just yet.

I dont have a TV. So i "watch" the game online through live comments. It's not half as fun and entertaining but how fun and entertaining is watching a football game on your own at home anyway. Maybe i'll go to a bar this afternoon when France is playing. But they might embarass me so might as well stay at home :)

Mexico is a football nation. They live football, they breathe football. The entire country is standing behind their team. It is actually amazing. Even us foreigner can't help but standing behind OUR host country.
If Mexico wins this game, it's gonna be incredible. The ground is gonna be shaking. The entire country is gonna be screaming and celebrating. It doesnt matter if there are more games to be played, more games to be won before they qualify for the next round. THAT in Mexico, doesnt matter. What matters here, is that the national team is playing and that there is not a single Mexican on this planet who's not supporting it.

Today in Mexico, everybody is wearing a green jersey of their team (Mexico just changed it official jersey color to black and a lot of people still wear the green one). At the taco stand, taco man is wearing the mexican jersey. At the bank, they're wearing the jersey and broadcasting the game, at Walmart, all the personal is wearing the jersey (they've been wearing it for a week now!). TV presentators are wearing the jersey. The techician from Telmex is wearing the jersey. The harbor master and the pilot of PV's pier are both wearing the jersey. EVERYBODY is wearing the mexican football jersey today, but i mean EVERYBODY.

WHAT other country does that?

OK second half is on. Back to a nation holding its breath. Go Mexico! Go!

I love my home country.
Even though i prefered the green NIKE jersey over the black ADIDAS one ...



*** UPDATE ***  South Africa just scored @ minute 54. An entire nation is mourning :(
And Mexico drew @ minute 79 !!! Yeepee


    

Keep Trying

This is a post dedicated to my soon-to-be EX internet provider... Yeah, those very same ones i fancied shooting the crap out of a few posts back...

I have been struggling with my internet connection for almost a year now. I'm not going to enter into details about how many HOURS i've spent on the phone with customer service, how many times i've seen the pop-up screen claiming connection failed, please try again, how many times i've had interrupted phone calls or chat-conversations, how many times i've been so close to throw everything through the window and shoot that mother-fucking BAM in the eye ...
NO.
I won't go over that anger and rage and frustration again. I'm done with it.

My contract ends on August 2nd. That is in just under 2 months.
HALLELUIAH.

This morning, i decided to go check with TELMEX. I have been a customer of theirs in the past and was very happy with their internet services. The only reason why i contracted iusacell in the first place is because it was the only internet provider that gave service where i used to live. Back in the days, my neighborhood was the asshole of the world, where the wind turns around, where nobody lives, nor comes. Nobody but me. And i can perfectly live without a TV but not without Internet. If i hadnt had Internet through 2009 swine flu, i would have shot myself.

And it was fine at first ... it was very fine for the first 12 months, conveniently the 12 months your device is guaranteed for.

Now i live in a different area. In one of the most popular and mexican area of Puerto Vallarta and i know for sure Telmex gets here. I even have a phone line IN the house. It's been desactivited of course but it's there. So i know my dear beloved internet connection gets here too.
Well i decided that today was gonna be the day. THE day i pop up at Telmex's office and ask them what is that i need to do to get my line installed and my contract running.
The agent who took care of me told me: i need your passport and your address. I had both.
We did the paperwork (lasted maybe 10 minutes at the most), he gave me my phone number to be and told me a technician will be coming between 5 and 10 days. And since i already have everything i need to get going (both modem AND phone), as soon as the technician has paid me a visit, i can start using the services.

HOLY CRAP O_o

Already? That fast?
Woo freaking hoo.

Needless to say i am soooo excited about it all. And to celebrate, i tried to get online with my stupid BAM as soon as i got home. And guess what?
It's been working like a charm for now almost 4 hours straight. I havent been kicked out, nor disconnected. The connection is fast. I even talked to my parents through Skype WITH THE CAM ON to show them around my new house without any glitch.
It's like my bam KNOWS i'm changing provider soon. It's like it KNOWS within a maximum of 10 days, i will never touch it again. EVER. It's like iusacell KNOWS and try to convince me what a great provider they are. What an excellent service they're giving me. That i should consider extend my contract with them cuz look how well it works and how happy i am with my connection today.

Nice try.

Not working.



    

Kart Accident

Today, I went to do my tedious, painful yet necessary grocery shopping. I really wasn’t in the mood for it so went straight to what I really needed, that is dog food and garbage bags. Some other stuff as well but I went mainly for dog food and garbage bags.

Anyway.

I was driving my kart back to my car when the incident happened. I mean I already don’t understand WHO the hell came with the idea of covering a supermarket's parking lot with cobblestones. I mean, seriously? COBBLESTONES?
So obviously, it kinda makes sense that the grid covering the gutter of mentioned parking lot has holes big enough for your kart’s wheels to fall into, doesn’t it?

When I drive my kart back to my car, I generally go slow. Not because I can’t drive it fast but I mean cobblestones and eggs don’t go well together and I already made omelets on a supermarket’s parking lot before. So now I’m cautious. Moreover, I don’t want to hit a car with my kart and then be sued for hit and run. I mean I hate going grocery shopping so I generally load my kart to the fullest in order not to come back for another 3 weeks or so. And just the bag of dog food weights 15 kilos. So I have maybe 30 kilos of shit in my kart and it’s not easy to maneuver it – especially over stupid cobblestones. So yeah, I drive slow but with energy since damn kart weights a lot for me to push it.

But back to my story.

So there I was, driving my kart back to my car, not paying attention to much around me cuz that’s what I tend to do when I walk outside, and bam, I stuck the kart in the gutter. Well, one of the front wheels got stuck in the gutter making the kart come to a complete stop. Obviously I kept on going and hit the kart with all the energy I was using to push it. So pretty damn hard.
I mean I’d be the first one to laugh my eyes out if I saw someone in that situation because I mean, come on, it’s hilarious. People hitting themselves, people falling, people knocking themselves off, people slipping, it’s just plain funny. Period. Well it’s actually funny when it doesn’t happen to you. Cuz honestly, it hurt. And a lot.

I first got the kart’s handle hit me in the stomach (I just had lunch so that wasn’t a particularly pleasant experience). Then whatever part at the bottom of the kart which tried to break my tibia in two, just below the knee where it hurts like fucking hell. And then I have people asking me how the hell do I get all those bruises? I mean look at me! I’m worse than a 6 years old boy playing in a school playground with his friends. I have more bruises and scabs than any of them. I can be so clumsy sometimes.

Anyway. Picture me in the middle of the parking lot, in full blazing sun, hurt up to my soul, folded in two with the pain and nobody around to give me a hand (or laugh – yeah well maybe it was better that nobody was actually around! At least I made a fool of myself without an audience!!)
So sucking it up (just like when you’re a kid and you don’t want your friends to see you cry but you’d run to mummy if you could), I got back to my kart, pulled it out of the gutter (damn kart was HEAVY), well decided to roll it on the remaining 20 meters that we got stopped away from my car.

Obviously fate wasn’t just done with me … bloody kart wheel was all twisted and useless and the kart was obviously not taking any of it. So it’s half lifting half dragging the kart that I walked back to my car. I hated the world. I hated the entire world.

Been home 2 hours already and still haven’t unload any of the grocery yet. Told you I was a useless housewife!















PS: now you understand why I need a personal assistant? :P

PS: bloody K still not working properly! And i mean between supermarket, parking lot, kart, how many bloody Ks did i need? Godammit. Cant even use the F word, it ends with a K too.