Ô rage ! Ô désespoir ...

Ô vieillesse ennemie !
N'ai-je donc tant vécu que pour cette infamie ?
Et ne suis-je blanchi dans les travaux guerriers
Que pour voir en un jour flétrir tant de lauriers ?

This morning, i looked at myself in the mirror and i was in utter shock. What was that on my temple? This is not happening. Not to me. Not now. For crying out loud i'm not even 32 yet! This can't be true. I must be dreaming. Yes this is it, it is a dream and i am going to wake up in a second. I am gonna pinch myself and wake up. Aouch. Damn it. It is not a dream. This is really happening then? This dreadful tragedy is really happening. To me. TO ME.

I HAVE WHITE HAIRS ... O_o

It really does happen to the best of us.


*** UPDATE ***I am not gonna let myself enter severe depression for that. Hop! Tweezers and manos a la obra. I have one. I mean, i HAD one. It's gone now. Flushed in the toilets. Cachez ce cheveu blanc que je ne saurai voir. In fact, i wasn't gonna just hide it. I needed it to disappear. To be exterminated. See you! Bye! Adios! Don't come back! Don't bother to stay in touch. I am not letting this getting an obsession either. This is NOT an obsession. I am just daily checking my eradication worked fine!

Back To School

I had been waiting for that for an entire month ... the day when the kids will finally go back to school. I already hear you say, why would you care, you don't have children. Well, believe me, whether i wanted to have some or not, since I've been living in Mexico, i do. Not that any of them is actually depending on me but indirectly, i have about 10, ages ranging between 3 and 10 years old. How come? Well it is very simple. It is summer time, it is insanely hot, i live in a mushroom neighborhood where there are 8000 houses one against each other, perfect houses for a couple (as long as you have AC!) but that most people here use to live with parents, children, grand children and grand-parents (and a cat and a dog and a rooster and who knows what other pet!). Since we already set the record straight that 8 people do not live very comfortably in 70 square meters, where do children spend their days? Outside. Outside where? Outside on the street. And since i live in a dead end - and even though i am towards the end of the dead-end - kids play, and scream, and run, and race, and laugh, and scream some more in front of my house ... until passed midnight ... every day of the week.

And that positively drives me nutter.

But it was meant to happen eventually ... schools reopening ... August 24th. I wanted to post about it on the 23rd but as you already know, had issues with my Internet and that completely eclipsed my happiness about the long-awaited return to school.

It is now 9:30pm ... homework is done, diner is eaten, kids are showered and in bed. In bed = they are not in the street screaming. And that for me, is priceless. Of course the neighbor who's half death still listen to her TV full volume but outside on the street, it is nice, quiet and empty. And when I'll go to bed at 10pm like a 12 years old kid who has to wake up early to go to school tomorrow , there' ll be no sound coming through my open window ... I love it already.

Shoot Me Now

... Shoot me now .... talalalala ....
To set up the ambiance you need to sing these 3 words on the melody of "total eclipse of the heart". I think my colleague Kelley only figured out the first sentence of the verse ... shoot me now. And then she's just humming the rest. I thought i might fell off my chair from laughter when i heard her singing that as she was getting nutter covering on a job that wasn't hers. It has now become a common song to sing in the office when it becomes insane.
Well today, it also applies to everything else in my life. Not that i am planning on shooting myself in the head (i wouldn't have the guts to do such thing anyway) but you know, when you're filled up with this overwhelming powerlessness. Oh how much i hate it. You feel like the entire universe is against you - which makes the law of attraction oh so true one more time, the good attracts the good and the bad attracts the worse.

So there i am struggling with my Internet connection, and my messenger, and my other messenger, and my emails, and my blackberry, and my skype ... I mean we live in the best era there is regarding communications. This is supposed to be easy. And handy. And practical. You don't even need a "messenger for dummies" book.

Well in my life right now, there is ONE person i want to be in touch with, only one. Everybody else i generally chat with, i can see them pretty much every day. Which i do most of the time. But this very special person, i don't. I don't see him every day. At all. So chatting is all i have to stay in touch. At least for now. And it has been so frustrating for the past few days that i got to the point i really wanted to tear my hair out (which didn't really work ... i don't have enough), or screamed my lungs out of rage (which i did), or cried my eyes out (which i almost did) or throw my computer through the window (which i so nearly did!!) or all of the above at the same time.

I mean it was like, i get online, he gets off, he gets on while i got off 2 minutes earlier, when we finally both online, a storm burst out outside and there goes my Internet connection (and with it messenger and emails), when i am finally back on, he's gone. And then messenger doesn't let me leave message while the other person is offline, so i got all my lines that are bouncing back which drives me positively nutter.

And then i finally realized today that messenger on the blackberry does NOT deliver offline written messages. That i actually have to get online a real computer to get them ... Talking about adding confusion and misunderstandings.

One thing is certain though, in those painful moments, a messenger representative would stand on my doorstep, i swear to god he wouldn't be living another 2 seconds.

Comfort Food

Life is full of ups and downs ... Right this very second for me, it's more like down. Down the drain to be more precise. Whatever. Since there is no way i am going to ramble on why i am feeling blue tonight, and since i really dont want to be writing a depressing post, i wonder what the hell could i write! jaja.


I just find it funny what people do to protect themselves against blueness. Some people isolate themselves, some people cry, other need to let it all out and talk about it for hours. Generally, none of it is really too healthy but what i do when i feel blue is even worse. I eat. Preferably sweet stuff. Anything goes. Especially the things that i try NOT to eat on a daily basis to avoid become the tower my dad always threatened me i'll become (that is one long story).


Double deckers nutella sandwiches (at least a couple of them) with this awesome "bimbo kids" bread i find here, always accompanied with a coke (since i am a strong believer that any chocolate or chocolate-like taste should be accompanied by coke) or at least pop. Talking about comfort food. It'll make me feel ten times worse when it all shows on my butt in a few days but oh well, you gotta do what you gotta do.


Since i already shoveled down a couple of those doble deckers 10 squillions calories a mouthful sandwiches, i went on second gear and chose the next best thing after chocolate: PASTA.
I am the biggest pasta fan this side of the world, if not of the world. I could eat pasta for lunch and dinner 7 days a week. My GP told me, pasta, once or twice a week. Once or twice a WEEK? Are you sure it's not once or twice a DAY? Well listen, you, mr GP, italian people eat pasta way more than once or twice a week and i cant fit in any of their damn pants. So they're tiny and slim and fit. So screw them all with their no-carb diets ... The "carbier" the better. That's the whole purpose of comfort food. Make YOU feel better, not your body. That, well that, will have to come right afterwards. And no, puking is not an option. There is no way i'll indulge in the sweetest most awesome sandwich or the highest pile of pasta ever to then throw it all up. NO WAY.

I feel so bad i'd actually kill for a cigarette. Too bad i'm asthmatic. And i havent been smoking in so long it would taste vile. Well, you know what? Sod it. Sod it all. Hell yeah, i'm lighting up one right now. Right this second. (* damn where is my puffer?)


So for those who wonder what was on tonight's comfort menu at Mathilde's restaurant:

*** Starter ***

Doble Decker Nutella Sandwich on Bimbo Kid Bread

Recommended (and accepted) drink to go along: Coca Cola (half liter can)

*** Main Course ***

Pasta Made Mont Fujiyama Assorted with Grilled Chiken Breast

*** Dessert ***

Marlboro Red Evilish Smoke

Recommended drink to go along: Triple Vodka Cranberry (damn it ran out of cranberry - ok triple on the rocks then!)

Viva los carbs y viva lo dulce! Woohoo.


*** last minute update *** OK now, too much sugar made me hyper and i cant sleep, pasta filled up my stomach i look like a 6 months pregnant woman, bloody fag made me so dizzy i might actually puke and the vodka, oh the vodka ... it has been so long. It's like having sex with an ex. It is wrooooong but jeez does it taste good :p

Keep On Singing My Song

I woke up this morning feeling good ... and let's be honest, talking about feeling good is boring - to read and to write. So i'm gonna let someone else talk about it, especially since it sums up pretty well the way i feel about it all ...

I woke up this morning with a smile on my face
And nobody's gonna bring me down, today
Been feeling like nothing's been going my way, lately
But I decided right here right now, that my outlook's gonna change
That's why I'm gonna
Say goodbye to all the tears I've cried everytime somebody hurt my pride
Feelin like they won't let me live life and take the time to look at what is mine
I see every blessing so clearly
And I thank god for what I got from above
I believe they can take anything from me, but they
Can't succeed in taking my inner peace from me
They can say all they wanna say, about me but I'm
I'm gonna carry on,
Imma keep on, (keep on)singin' my song

I never wanna dwell on the pain, again, ooh, no
It's no use in relivin' how I hurt back then, oh no, no
Rememberin' too well the hell I felt when I was running outta faith, ooh
Every step I'm 'bout to take, well it's towards a better day
Cause I'm about to
Say farewell to every single lie and all the fears I've held too long inside
Every time I felt I couldn't try, all the negativity and strife
But too long, i've been struggling, i couldn't go on
But now I found that I'm feeling strong and I'm moving on
I believe they can take anything from me, but they
Can't succeed in taking my inner peace from me
They can say what they wanna say, about me but I'm
I'm gonna carry on, (carry on)
Imma keep on, (keep on)singin' my song

Every time I tried to be what they wanted from me
It never came naturally
So I ended up in misery
Was unable to see all the good around me
Wasted so much energy on what they thought of me than simply just rememberin to breathe,
I'm humanly unable to please everyone at the same time,
So now I find my peace of mind, livin'
One day at a time

In the end I answer to one god, comes down to one love
Till I get to heaven above
I have made the decision never to give in,
Till the day I die no matter what
I'm gonna carry on
Imma keep on ...

Singin' my...
Sooooooooooooooooong ..........

Yep ... from now on, it'll be my way ... and no, i won't feel bad to make other people feel good!

Popular ?

I am nice to people ... generally ... I mean i am nice to people i work with, with my neighbors, people i meet when i walk my dog, people in the superstore or the little tiny shop at the corner of the block i live in, people i interact with on a daily basis ... etc, etc. That is who i am. I also think it is just plain politeness and since a smile doesnt cost a thing and feels good, i do that too!

Well i dont know what that is i do, apart from smiling a lot, that makes those same people THINK that we can be friends, that they can tell me their life when i go buy my bread, that they can judge my dog just by her breed, that they can dispose of my time, especially on my day off, just because we're wearing the same uniform, that they can come to my house unannounced or that we can hang out together on my free time?

Dont take it personally you all, but no, we can't ... I know i am overly popular and cool and people are queuying to hang out with me **laughs ** but people i do hang out with on my free time are not people from work (one exception there and she knows who she is), not people i meet randomly on the streets nor people who shop at the same store i go to. And yes, i am going to sound upmostly selfish and egocentric (and i really, really dont care), but i have given a lot to others throughout my life ... now it's ... my turn ;)

Now let's sing ...
I'm head of the class, I'm popular! I'm a quarter back, I'm popular! My mom says I'm a catch, I'm popular! I'm never last picked, I'm a cheerleader chick! I'm the party star, I'm popular! I've got my own car, I'm popular! I'll never get caught, I'm popular! I'm a teachers pet, I make football bets!

It's My Monkey And I'll Spank It Whenever It's Naughty

Saw that on a shirt the other day ... I think it was hilarious ... What does it mean? I guess it means something different for everybody, all depending on how twisted your mind can be ...
I'll let you sleep on it ... Even though i can ready your mind and you should be ashamed of yourself!

Lost In Translation

I do translations for my brother. He's the editor of a stunt/motorbike mag in french called Street Monsters (http://www.streetmonsters.net/) and since most of his articles are coming from the States or England, i end up translating shit for him. It's not that bad, it's just a bit technical sometimes. Which is good in a way you know, at least i know all those bad ass macho words such as camshaft, axle, piston engine, hub and other slave cylinder! Of course i don't know what a camshaft is! I said i know the WORD (and the translation in french), i never said i knew what it was! Helloooo!

Since i have very often agreed on doing "works" received today to be ready for yesterday, there has been some noticeable improvements in my status ... i am now an official Street Monster "employee" (si, si, check the staff list online!). Well, i am working twice as much as before so tonight, i am officially asking for a raise. I want a raise. Now.
Ah. This is voluntary work? So i don't get paid for it? What? Bollocks! I want my money back! Ah no, that's not the right line ... Never mind ... Can't remember who told me NOT to keep business within the family. I really should have paid more attention that day!

Well tonight, i am very much struggling with my third translation of the month. I can't seem to see the end of these 6 pages. SIX pages o_O and not even half way through ... Aaaaargh!

The problem i generally run into is time. I mean i always leave everything to the last minute. OK i have until Monday to do it? What day is is today? Sunday? Yeah, still have time.
What i tend to forget is that France is 7 hours ahead of Mexico thus even if it's still Sunday here, Monday is already well on its way there. My brother/boss will be waking up in maybe 3 hours at the most, expecting his translation that is yet to be done! HEEELP.

I know, if i wasn't wasting time blogging and chatting, damn translation could be done, read-proof and sent. I'm on it. I AM ON IT (jeeeez cool off you guys, i still have 3 hours before big brother/boss wakes up!)

On Steroids, Cellulitis and All Those Little ... How Do You Call Them ?? ... Mmmm ... Stuff

I am tired.

I have been tired for so long i didn't think it was normal, or healthy or any good. Like sleeping 11 hours a day and still don't feel rested, i am assuring you, it is not normal (at all). So went to see my GP and took advantage of my appointment to tell him all about my little boo boos. What else GPs are for? I mean i am paying the guy i might as well use this given time at its best!
So here i am, in his office, and like in any doctor's office, you feel like you're gonna die within the coming days, if not the coming hours ... Like Coluche (a french comedian) would say: "be strong, you have 6 more days to live ... 6 days? fuck man, couldn't it be 6 weeks? Jeez I'm the one dying here, and even 6 months you know, i mean when you're sick, 6 months pass quite fast!"

So between Rickettsia, anaemia, high blood pressure, swollen bronchus, circulation problems, too many white cells in the blood, infected tonsils and shortness of breath, i was really wondering when would be my life-sentence announcement. He didn't quite mentioned a date actually, he just said: we need blood samples ... What? Again? We did some in April! Aren't they still valid? No? Shit. I'm gonna have to do blood samples ... that means needle ... ENTERING THE VEIN :o
So i braved myself and went ... for bloody blood samples. Young nurse, non-stop chatting. Nice lady but jeez she just wouldn't shut up. Yeah, well, sorry if I'm not really reactive to your chit-chat here but i am concentrating on not fainting, especially when i hear you saying, OK i can't seem to find the vein in this arm, we're gonna try the other one. Oh sweet lord! I almost passed out at the thought. But when the bloody nurse (ok, there is no play on words on this one !) dipped the needle in my invisible vein, she said she missed.
** blank **
37 seconds later ... WHAAAT ??? wadiujused?

And she laughed. She LAUGHED. She had made a joke ... like a JOKE. Like it was funny. Oh yeah of course, what was i thinking? Did i forget to laugh? Did i NOT laugh? Biiiiitch DO NOT EVER MAKE JOKE ABOUT THAT WITH ME. E-V-E-R.

Ok i didn't really say that, i was recovering from the shock, waiting for my eyes to get back to where they normally pointing at, i.e. in front (instead of desperately trying to see through the back of my skull), had to use 4 band-aids cuz she butchered my vein and wait sitting in this torture room for another 10 minutes in order to avoid making a complete fool of myself passing out on the street.

All of that to confirm what the doctor thought it was ... asthma.

Asthma or the source of all my troubles ... ALL of them. Well at least that makes things easier. So what do i do now? Use my puffer? Woohoo. I love it. No? Damn it, the only fun thing about asthma is the puffer and you're telling me that my "condition" is too bad to only use the inhalator ... no, damn it, it's inhaler ... really? not inhalator ... i like inhalator better ... sounds more like extreeeeme. Sounds bad ass. Inhalator the return ... Oh dear i should stop. So where was i? Oh yeah ... so no puffer then.

So what do i do about my team of bacterias/diseases/infections/swellings or whatever that it is i have? Well, miss, you'll have to take steroids. For a week. Sorry what? Come again? Steroids? Like in steroids? But doc, i don't want to get a baritone voice ... nor a mustache to be truly honest. I mean i am paying (and suffering) enough to remove the hair i already have ... Really no need for extra. Well it's that or you'll die in 6 days. Oh, ok then, steroids it'll be. This controlled (if not banned or illegal) performance-enhancing substance, with a shit loads of adverse effects including (but not limited to) acne, high blood pressure, aggressiveness, violence, psychosis and who knows what else ... ?? He's giving that to me. To ME. To cure me. o_O

OH SWEET LORD.

Soooo ... now that we got that one straight ... what can i do about cellulitis? I know, it has nothing to do with asthma ... but again, since I'm here, might as well mention it. Oh come on don't be prude, all women have cellulitis. Well, miss, there are a lot of miraculous products on the market ... oh yeah i know i tried them all. Well, then you'll have to agree with me that they are obviously not very efficient. Right. So, what can i do then? What IS the miraculous solution? The miraculous remedy? Should i go see a witch? A voodoo? Do black magic? Infusions? Mud baths? What? WHAT?