Elevation

A few days ago, i accepted an invitation from a friend of mine i hadn't see in a thousand years. It was meant to be a barbecue on the top of his roof - which means, with ocean view - our dogs getting to know each other and playing the night away and me getting back to my old self - the crazy, party bitch ... Some alcohol was involved, i mean, we were celebrating his birthday after all :)

It was the BEST night i had in such a long time. A night i could be myself without being judged, a night i could let myself completely go with the flow, a night to remember ...

High, higher than the sun
You shoot me from a gun
I need you to elevate me here
At the corner of your lips
As the orbit of your hips
Eclipse
You elevate my soul
I've got no self control
Been living like a mole now
Going down, excavation
High and high in the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high

Elevation

A star
Lit up like a cigar
Strung out like a guitar
Maybe you can educate my mind
Explain all these controls
Can't sing but I've got soul
The goal is elevation

A mole
Digging in a hole
Digging up my soul now
Going down, excavation
I and eye in the sky
You make me feel like I can fly
So high

Elevation

Love
Lift me up from out of these blues
Won't you tell me something true
I believe in you ...

Aaaaaaaaaargh !!

My mom always told me ... don't quit when upset, don't argue when upset, don't write when upset, don't do anything you can regret afterward when you're upset. Well tonight I'm upset. And I'm upset BIG TIME. Upset is not even remotely close to how i feel. I'd rather say I'm pissed off. But like majorly pissed off.

Why? Because of a bitch today at work who gave me such a mouthful for something that was so not my fault, so not my responsibility and so not in my control. No need to enter into details here cuz i don't fancy talking about work in my posts. But it's more like the frustration of not being able to slap her mouth shut with some scathing comment (that obviously popped out in my head two hours later, like the absolute perfect comment which would have politely shut the fucking bitch up) or to simply beat the crap out of her.

Add to that the pouring rain, the ride back home that take twice the normal time, me soaking wet since morning (i was so wet even my bones were swimming), an entire ship chartered by gay men, some of them so damn beautiful it hurts the eyes, my dog insanely dragging me during her afternoon walk, no hot water when I'm so very much longing for a boiling hot shower after being cold and wet all day and an insanely high humidity level ... (i mean come on ... 88%. At 9:30pm. EIGHTY EIGHT PERCENT humidity ...)

And you'll have the perfect ingredients for a perfectly shitty day.





There is a saying that goes like that: "don't go to bed angry ... stay up and fight".











Can the bitch be the one i fight tonight?

Corporate Uselessness

Last month, on September 18th, it was my birthday. And my mom, as many other carrying moms in the world, decided to send me a parcel, a little something i could open on my special day away from them all. Being on the other side of the world, she took the time to send it 2 weeks prior to D day, i.e. on September 4th.
Just to make sure ....

One month later ... nothing had arrived ... 5 weeks later ... still nothing ...
So she went to HER post office to get a tracking number, to get some information of where the hell the package was. And that's what she was given ...

Site - Code - Event - Date (dd/mm/yy)

402450 - DEPSIO - Package dropped at post office - 4/09/09 9h56
336130 - PCHPDS - Transportation - 4/09/09 21h06
336130 - PCHPDS - Loading - 4/09/09 21h15
91260 - MLVEXP - Package Delivered to "abroad" dpt. - 6/09/09 20h
9984 - AAREXP - Package's arrival to Mexico - 8/09/09 20h22
9984 - DOUDOU - Going through customs - 8/09/09 20h25
9984 - AECEXP - Package went thought customs - in transit to final destination - 9/09/09 10h18

What does all this mumbo jumbo mean? It means that it took this very much awaited package 4 days to arrive to its country of destination, aka Mexico (from France). FOUR DAYS. Then one more day to pass successfully through customs and another 2 extra days to arrive to the sorting office close to me.

I found that out, by pure LUCK, when a friend/colleague of mine called the sorting office today wondering where the heck a package SHE was waiting for was, considering that hers had left the States some 3 weeks prior.
The guy who answered her told her: "oh, but we have it here, it's been here for a while actually. There are another 2 packages waiting here for other 2 people from your company as well!"

One of them being mine.

When i went to the postal office, i wasn't planning on raising the roof but i couldn't help asking WHY didn't they let us know (well, at least, why didn't they let ME know) that the package was there. I mean our office is 10 minutes away from them and I'm pretty sure they go there to deliver regular mail every single day. And the guy told me, pointing at some scribblings on the box: "we left 3 calling cards on those respective dates. Your box arrived here on September 11th."

THREE CALLING CARDS. T-H-R-E-E. That means that, in the company I've been working for for the past 6.5 YEARS, someone (and i have a very clear idea of WHO) received (and signed) 3 calling cards acknowledging that a box from FRANCE intended to Mathilde (and i am the ONLY Mathilde in the entire company and the ONLY French as well) had arrived at the sorting office, that i was welcome to pick it up in exchange of showing up my ID at the office (open from 8am to 4pm - Monday through Saturday) and never mentioned anything to me. Ever. Never BOTHERED to tell me that a package from my mother was waiting for me at the post office. That my birthday present had arrived well on time.

Needless to say that i was FUMING. And once more, i got to hallucinate over people's carelessness, over people not giving a fucking shit about others. It amazes me. And it's not a compliment. I know everybody is busy at work with their own shit but passing on a calling card to a colleague takes, at the most, 32 seconds of your bloody time. Out of a day of 8 hours worth of work, it's not gonna put you behind. And if you don't want the responsibility of receiving the mail that most of foreign employees receive at work, well then DON'T SIGN THE BLOODY CALLING CARD.

Individualism makes me want to puke. It makes me positively SICK.

Once again, the saying (and my mother) are right (they always are!): "on n'est jamais mieux servi que par soi-même"

On Murphy's Law

"Anything that can go wrong will"

THIS, is Murphy's law ... or sod's law.

It's the flat tire or the mad traffic jam when you're already late, it's the supermarket line that goes faster and closes the second you get yourself in line, it's 2 buses arriving at the same time after you've waited half hour and finally decided to lit up a cigarette, it's the free entrance or free open bar the second you paid, it's your plane leaving late and your connection leaving on time, it's your covered in mud dog hoping on your brand new white trousers, it's the toast falling on the buttered face, it's the gaz running out when you've invited people over for dinner, it's your plants dying of too much water after you rescued them from too much sun, it's having 2 dates on the same day when you've been date-less for 6 months (and being stood up by both), it's the mountain climber dying 50 meters away from the Everest's top, it's meeting the man of your dreams and then meeting his beautiful wife, it's your best friend's birthday cake the second you want to start a diet, it's being on a lonely deserted road for hours and finally get to see another car exactly where the road is a one lane only, it's arriving late at work the only day of the year the boss wants to see you, it's getting a cold sore when you finally get that date you've been working on for that long, it's buying a new pair of expensive sunglasses and drop them on the concrete floor without having worn them even once, it's fancying like mad a man who doesn't give a shit about me when the ones i don't fancy not even remotely, i can't get rid of.

And obviously, this is the situation I'm in now. Damn it why is it always like that? Always THE guy you want that is not available, not interested, not this, not that. Why is it the man that doesn't give you any attention that you want attention from the most ... I've been told it's Murphy's law. Everything that can go wrong will. Everything goes wrong all at once. That you never run out of things that can go wrong ...

Well you know what? I think Murphy's law could also be called FATALISM. When you only foresee the worse, the worse is what you get ... It all falls down under another very powerful law called the law of attraction. I am not a fatalist and i will get what the bloody fuck i want.

So mister i-don't-have-time-for-you-I'm-a-busy-man-forget-all-about-me, get ready. I want you and will get you ... That is just the way it is.
Chances are, I'll get over it a split second after it all ... human beings tend to be like that: intensely desiring something and intensely despising it the second we get it. Life's a bitch, what can i say?

Keep smiling ... and people will wonder what you're up to!

U and Ur Hand

Saturday was gonna be THE day ... the day i get back to going out, the day i get back to be on top of new club music, the day i get back to my old self, this person i used to be and that everybody used to enjoy a lot ... me included! It was going to be "let's party all night" obviously accompanied by my dearest friend (and partner in crime), Ivonne.

We started at the sky bar that used to be called azul. Don't ask me for the name it has now, i have no clue. Place was really nice, there were a lot of known people there but it was just too shy and proper to be our cup of tea.
So we headed to the world-famous (ok, at least in my world it is famous) ZOO. We know the staff there, they surely know us too and it was just like going home. Home sweet home. You know, this sensation you have when you enter a place you used to belong to and feel like, wahoo, that hasn't changed at all. It is still the same place, the same staff, the same people, the same DJ and the same music ... Feels like we haven't been away that long then? Or have we?
The bartender told us: it is so good to have you both back. That was sweet of him. But what about us? Is it good to be back? Does it FEEL good to be back?

To be truly honest with you, no. No it doesn't. And we really wondered why? And the answer was as sharp as a knife ... because we're old. OK, no, sorry. Let me rephrase ... Because we're OLDER. We grew OUT of the places that felt like home a few months back, grew out of that particular place we used to have so much fun at ...

I used to say ... "pinche zoo, nunca falla" but this time, it did failed us. Big time. It just wasn't what we wanted, what we expected not even what we remembered it was.

So we decided to give our girls' night out another shot ... at yet another of our old haunts, i named HILO. Reason why we went there is simple: i have a soft spot for the bartender ... haha. The woman doesn't change now does she?

So here we are, at the bar, like the good old times, bitching about everything, commenting on every single outfit that comes close to us (we're fashion police officers), crying our eyes out from laughter, dancing reggaeton, drinking a little and obviously checking on every single man around.

That's when it happened. All over again ... This guy (decent looking but the approach really was terrible), after endless minutes of hesitation, going around us, looking at us, finally found the balls to come to me and asked me if me and my friend were a couple. Oh, how much i missed that. How much do i miss the look in the guy's face when he actually DARES to ask that. Cuz you never know ... If you say yes, it can be like ok well then never mind or that can motivate him to convince you to go for a threesome. So I'm never too sure what to answer. This time i chose to say the truth and i said that no, we were not a couple. He asked a few more questions after that but there is this one song that immediately popped into my head and i couldn't really focus on anything else ... It goes like this:

Check it out going out on the late night
Looking tight feeling nice it's a cock fight
I can tell I just know that it's going down ... tonight
At the door we don't wait cause we know them
At the bar six shots just beginning
That's when dick head put his hands on me
But you see ...

I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It's just u and ur hand tonight

Midnight I'm drunk I don't give a fuck
Wanna dance by myself guess you're outta luck
Don't touch, back up, I'm not the one ... Buh bye!
Listen up it's just not happening, you can say what you want to your boyfriends
Just let me have my fun tonight ...Aiight

In the corner with your boys you bet 'em five bucks
You'd get the girl that just walked in but she thinks you suck
We didn't get all dressed up just for you to see
So quit spilling your drinks on me yeah

You know who you are ... high fivin', talking shit, but you're going home alone aren't cha?

Cause I'm not here for your entertainment
No you don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life
Cause you know it's over before it began
Keep your drink just give me the money
It's just you and your hand tonight


So yes buddy, thanks for the attention, feels good to know we still got it ... but you're going home alone! And I'm not even sorry!

Free

"I think there are very few people on this earth that are totally free. I'm not free ... but i'm working on it."

Stevie Wonder

This is how i've been feeling lately, this sense of freedom, of liberty. I'd like to shout it, i don't remember ever feeling this relieved and this happy and this serene. This is a song that sums it up totally. Over. And again.

Check the video when you get the chance ... there is something magical in happy people's eyes.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoFYV8IOtR4

******

Free like the river
Flowing freely through infinity
Free to be sure of
What I am and who I need not be
Free from all worries
Worries prey on oneself's troubled mind
Freer than the clock's hands
Tickin' way the times
Freer than the meaning of free that man defines

Life running through me
Till I feel my father God has called
Me having nothin'
But possessing riches more than all

And I'm free
To be nowhere
But in every place I need to be
Freer than a sunbeam
Shining through my soul
Free from feelin' heat or knowing bitter cold

Free from conceiving the beginning
For that's the infinite start
I'm gone but still living
Life goes on without a beating heart

Free like a vision
That the mind of only you can see
Freer than a raindrop
Falling from the sky
Freer than a smile in a baby's sleepin' eyes

I'm free like a river
Flowin' freely through infinity
I'm free to be sure of
What I am and who I need not to be
I'm much freer than the meaning of the word free that crazy man defines
Free like the vision
That the mind of only you are ever gonna see
Free like the river my life
Goes on and on through infinity

Please Don't Stop The Music

I have been away from the partying-dancing-going out-social-desmadre scene for so long i don't even remember the road to get there. OK, i do. Damn it I've been out so many times last year i had my name on club's glasses. Every single security guy knew my name as well as pretty much every single waiter as well. But everything stopped back in November (if i remember well) when, realizing i could shovel down 8 glasses of vodka a night and still be standing kinda scared the crap out of me. And let's be honest, we all know that I'm not 20 anymore and 2 hours worth of sleep are so not enough anymore.

I miss it so bad I'm not too sure i found my then "good" reasons to sober up and be a decent person so good anymore.
Cause sadly, yes, the giving up drinking surely didn't help my social life. Nor my sexual one to be honest. But maybe that's too much information...

Anyway ...

I was saying ... It's been so long my feet are itchy ... i gotta go again. It got to the point that last time i was walking my dog i passed in front of this house broadcasting hip-hop music full volume i almost stopped to dance a bit. I guess the outfit stopped me ... sweat pants and tennis shoes are not the best to do a killer ass-shaking :s
And it's the same in the car. I so picture myself back on the dance floor, dancing the night away, draining the stress away, singing my lungs out, flirting with everybody and having the time of my life.

A friend asked me, hopeful i guess, if that meant i was back on the market? Me? Back on the market? Oh no buddy, I've never been on it ... it's not "back on the market" that i am ... it's a little more complicated than that. It's also a lot more dangerous than that ...

I'm not back on the market, I'm on the loose again!

It's party time!