I Can Watch Porn Again!

It was a quiet cooler morning today and i thought it was the perfect combination to start unpacking my mess but most of anything, to plug in my PC and start downloading nice tunes for my car. And since the game between Paraguay and Japan was deadly boring, i had absolutely no excuse whatsoever.

Except that it's now been 3 hours that my PC is now connected and i've left everything else planted in the middle of my Hiroshima-after-the-bomb looking living room. Why? Cuz i was finally able to download those tunes i've been singing for the past month or so because i have the program installed on my PC and banned from my work's laptop. There is only so much you can do with your work computer. Like downloading non-work related materials or program. Like watching porn as well (which let's be honest, a ban on this or that site never stopped anybody from watching porn anyway). I found the place in my laptop from work where they put the list of the banned sites, most of them porn. But my favorite porn site wasnt on the list. And no, i'm not gonna drop the IP here, i'll keep it for myself. I was just illustrating my theory with an example. If you want to watch porn and there are bans in your company computer, sorry systems people, there is always a way around. Now the tricky part, is not to get caught. And i mean don't be stupid either, do it at home ;)
Like me.

What? I watch porn? Yes of course i do. I mean come on, don't be prudish, everybody that doesnt have a regular to share a bed does. Or should. Same as masturbation. Yes i touch myself what's your problem with that?

So anyway, my personal PC is now connected to my fabulous fast internet connection and i so enjoyed it up until now by finding friends on Facebook that i havent seen in 18-20 years (friends from PRIMARY SCHOOL, talking about a hit in the face with all those years), watching the game Spain-Portugal and last but not least (no, not porn), writing this all over the place again post.

All of that to say that being able to finally use my personal own computer filled me with this huge sensation of freedom. I dont have to be careful on what page i open, what link i clink on, what picture i download on. I can just be myself without apologizing for it (nor that i would anway).
Hope you'll enjoy the newly out-there-again me.


  

The Post Where I'm All Over The Place

Tonight, i wanted to write about prescription drugs. I insanely bad-slept last night (because of the heat and an army of mosquitoes savagely attacking me) and woke up to the sound of my cel phone buzzing non-stop at 9am when all my crazy soccer fan friends were wondering what my crazy soccer fan ass was thinking about the game about to begin (Germany England in the 8th finals of the 2010 World Cup) and where i was gonna watch THE game of the day (Mexico-Argentina at 1:30pm). Never in my life had i so much trouble getting out of bed. I actually had to DRAG myself out of bed because i so badly wanted to watch the game. Even though it was nice and cool this morning and i could have slept in another week or so.
So anyway, i watched the game, over breakfast, blackberry mesengering my best friend back in England and contemplating the mess i live in.

As soon as the game ended, i decided that living like a bachelor was not possible anymore. And i started unpacking my suitcases. 6 weeks after moving in, ABOUT TIME. My closet is not painted yet and i'm not planning to do that just yet. I'm gonna end up painting everything white and i dont know why, this boring color does NOT motivate me whatsoever. So i just unpacked and stored. And i mean how much clothes do i fucking own? I have 7 suitcases full of clothes. Yes you read right, i have SEVEN. And that is AFTER i gave away 2 jumbo bags full of clothes i dont use anymore. I think it is high time i raid into my clothes yet again. No mercy this time, every piece of clothe i havent worn within the past 6 months MUST leave. And will.

Seriously, how much shit can you accumulate over a period of a few years?
I remember my mom telling me she kinda envied military families who HAVE to relocate every couple of years. She had this most likely erroneous idea that those people could only be pros at packing and NOT storing things up over time. I think a human being is like an ant. We just store up and up and up until we reach the roof and drown ourselves in stuff we don't even need in the first place.

A few years ago, i had that drowning feeling every time i was entering my spare room. And it was driving a friend of mine NUTS to contemplate the mountain of junk i had. So one day, i kinda dared her (and myself at the same time) and told her: these are my keys, here are 4 jumbo bags for trash, have fun. And she did.
When i came back home, there were 3 bags of trash sitting on the sidewalk. She had had only one instruction from me: she wasnt allowed to throw away books, pictures, mail or important paperwork. Everything and anything else could go. To my mom's awe (cuz i told her about that), i did NOT open any of the 3 bags. Trash truck passed to collect the following morning and took away 3 bags of i dont know what from me. And i have never missed anything of what's gone. I guess someone who's not attached to your stuff is your best option to clean up your life. Maybe i should do it again. Or maybe when i keep on unpacking boxes still laying on my dirty floor, i can try to be souless and dish anything i dont need.

Today was also a day i had plans to work on the mango front. I mean seriously, how much longer will i have to deal with that? I'm getting seriously sick of mangos. And i mean, it's not just the fruits on the floor, it's also the gigantic amount of leaves that is piling up on the ground. So today, i also did something my mom so very much enjoys doing (apart from cleaning things up by throwing it away), i raked up dead dry leaves and made neat piles of them. I have this very precise image of my mom doing that every fall, methodically, always wearing the same kind of outfit (cuz fall in France is chilly), making huge piles of leaves and setting them on fire. And guess what? I did that do! I set one big ass mother fucking pile on fire. But damn, mango leaves dont even burn properly. They heavily smoke, that's for sure, but they dont make those big bond fires. And i finally understood what my mom found so enjoyable about it. It really empties your head about pretty much everything else. Cuz you have to focus on what you're doing, making nice piles, checking that the fire doesnt go all over the place and burn stuff not meant to burn, feeding the fire with some more, etc. etc. I only stopped cuz it was getting too dark and i couldnt see the leaves on the floor. But man i am so doing it again tomorrow! jaja.

OK i am really all over the place now, i started about prescription drugs and ended up with my mango situation. Cuz i washed and peeled like 20 kilos of mangos tonight as well. I even got myself blisters so painful they actually burst open. Gross.
So yeah, prescription drugs. Here in Mexico, you can get them without prescriptions. Makes life easier (especially when you dont need a prescription to get your anticonceptive pills or your asthma inhalor) but surely doesnt help the hypochondriac i am. Just the concept of BUYING the drugs and i already feel better. True story. So when i had my endless running nose this morning, i knew that moving dusty suitcases around wouldnt help but since things couldnt get worse anyway, might as well. So after being in apnea pretty much all day, i thought, yeah, not spending another sleepless night, i'm taking THE drug to clear my nose, the very one everybody here tells you it'll destroy your nasal cartilage inside, the one that will make me a snorting nose drop addict, the only one that actually works with my nasal congestion. I have it stored in my 911-emergency-kit-for-maty's bag (along with tampons, inhalor for asthma, condoms, cold sore cream and anti-urinary infection pills ... all those being a recurrent necessities in my life). Only side effect with it: you can't drive heavy machinery (which i wasnt planning on doing tonight anyway, don't have wheelbarrow anylonger) cuz it makes you sleepy ... So, basically, what i'm saying is that i'm finally able to breathe normally AND i have drugs that actually gonna make me sleep like a baby? FUCK YEAH

(where's the decongestant spray? so i can indulge in another guilty snort ...)


    

Nature's Gift To ME

There is a lot to talk about but i'll be brief this time.

Mother Nature has gifted me with a pair of humming birds. Yes, a pair of them, nesting in the tree in front of my house, feeding on my hundred thousands rotting mangos, flying around my garden, enjoying the place and life in general.

Just found out they're territorial birdies and that they are not scared of human whatsoever.

I love humming birds.
I feel blessed.



PS: this is NOT a picture of the one i have. I mean come on, did you see how fast those little tiny things are flying?


  

Do Those Things Really Only Happen To Me ??

THIS, is a short story of my life. I mean, seriously, am i the ONLY person those things happen to? Since it's a bit hard to explain, i've decided to make a picture post for a change.
And this is just a snapshot of what i go through pretty much every day.
And then they tell me, OMG Maty you're so funny.
AJA.
Well ... Have a laugh then ...

My amazing tan ...

My shoe breaking up on my first night out in months ... and repaired a la McGyver with elastic bands, i mean COME ON, ELASTIC BANDS O_o

My dog with yet another eye infection and creamy drops like a clown with running make-up (and me taking picture of her on the way back home, ay mi vida tan tierna).

A DAY worth of harvest (and that is ONLY picking up the good ones, i dont even bother with the half good ones anymore ...)

What's left of my electric bill ... what do you say to the cashier when you give her THAT?

Really?
You think this is funny?
Once in a while, maybe but i mean EVERY DAY?

I'm not funny. I'm a magnet to awkward, weird, crazy situations.
For YOUR pleasure ...

At least someone laughs about it ;)


  

It's Summer !!

Today is summer's first day. In the northern hemisphere that is. Down south, it's their first winter day. Longuest day of the daylight of the year, 193 days to go for 2010.

It is sunny, warm, quiet. And since it's also "la Fête de la Musique" in France, I'm listening to the oh-so-appropriate Louis Armstrong's Summertime song.
How can things go possibly wrong today?

Makes me smile to see what images "represent" summer for us occidental people. Sun, lounge chairs, flip flop, palm trees, beach, sea shell ... I got those year round ... :)

Summertime and the livin' is easy
Fish are jumpin' and the cotton is high
Yo' daddy's rich and yo' mama's good lookin'
So hush little baby, don't you cry

One of these mornin's you gonna rise up singin'
You gonna spread your little wings and you'll take to the sky
But 'till that mornin' there ain't nothin' gonna harm you
With yo mama and daddy standin' by

Now it's summertime and the livin' is easy
Them fish are jumpin' and the cotton's 'bout waist high
Yo' daddy's rich and, ya know yo' mama's good lookin'
Now hush little baby, don't you cry

Summertime
Ah, said it's summertime


  

STOP CALLING ME

I have a home phone. I've had it for a little less than a WEEK. Every day, i have received phone calls asking for Marcos or for Ginebra.

Sorry, they don't live here. None of those 2.

I knew that my phone number may have belonged to other people before me. And that's OK. The executive at Telmex's office even asked me if i wanted to keep the same number the ex-owner used to have (but i knew he had a huge debt of about 750 USD on that number and i really didnt want to have to deal with anything like that at all, so i said no, give me a new one).

What bothers me regarding phone calls, is people calling you and asking you "who's that?"
THAT question, as soon as i have said "allo", makes me flip and switch to agression mode RIGHT AWAY.

Dude, YOU are the one calling here. WHO THE FUCK do you want to talk to? And then they're calling while i'm having breakfast. That's a big no-no.
And then they call a 2nd time. Just to make sure it is really NOT the house where Marcos lives. I mean EVERY single bloody phone have a SCREEN where you SEE the number you dial. Have a little faith in your abilities to dial a phone number properly.
You properly dialed the wrong number in the first place.
You properly dialed the very same wrong number AGAIN 2 seconds later.

And then your WIFE is calling me A THIRD TIME ... For what? Just to fucking make sure?

I mean, COME ON. It's not even NOON yet and i'm already out of my fucking mind pissed.
Yes, it's a bit extreme. But i have been interrupted THREE time during breakfast.
THREE
TIMES
Once by the builder who's finishing my roof today.
Second time by the census lady for 2010.
And last time by these people who call me three times to talk to Marcos.

Some people really don't understand what a "no" means. There are TWO letters in that word! WHICH one don't you get?


I'm gonna lay down. I might shoot someone otherwise.

PS: OH, i forgot to say. I finally got my "stop calling, stop calling, i dont want to talk anymore" ringtone by lady gaga on my cel! And nobody is calling me on that one. Any chance someone knows how to put it on my house phone?


  

L'Appel Du 18 Juin

The Appeal of June 18 (L'Appel du 18 Juin) was a famous speech by Charles de Gaulle, the leader of the Free French Forces, in 1940. De Gaulle spoke to the French people from London after the fall of France. He declared that the war for France was not yet over, and rallied the country in support of the Resistance.
It is one of the most important speeches in French history.

What a perfect timing ...
70 years later, replace the Free French Forces by French Federation of Football and there you go. There you have it. EXACTLY 70 years later, we NEED another of those speeches and i know of 23 overpaid arrogant asses who could seriously pay attention to their elder, to the advice of a very important figure and a very important man in France's history, General de Gaulle.

Back in the days, he knew what he was talking about:

" The leaders who, for many years, have been at the head of the French armies have formed a government. This government, alleging the defeat of our armies, has made contact with the enemy in order to stop the fighting. It is true, we were, we are, overwhelmed by the mechanical, ground and air forces of the enemy. Infinitely more than their number, it is the tanks, the airplanes, the tactics of the Mexicans Germans which are causing us to retreat. It was the tanks, the airplanes, the tactics of the Mexicans Germans that surprised our leaders to the point of bringing them to where they are today.

But has the last word been said? Must hope disappear? Is defeat final? No!"
 
United we stand, divided we fall. If nobody in the team believe that something can actually be saved, then nobody will.

 
I dont think France will pass the qualification round. And i honestly dont care, really. Better, i even HOPE they dont. This team is not a team, it's just 11 players who dont give a shit, who dont have an ounce of pride to represent their country in front of the entire world watching, a bunch of spoiled capricious little prats who only worry about the amount of money they'll get out of it all. It makes me sick, it makes me ashamed of being french just now.
 
I am not a fervent patriot. We're not raised like that in France. Not like in Mexico where kids sing the national anthem as they pull up their flag every monday at school, where every radio station play the same national anthem at midnight and 6am (great way to realize oh my god, it's 6 already when you're just heading back home!!) every day of the year. No. It's different back home.
But i mean COME ON.
You're selected to REPRESENT YOUR COUNTRY.
BE PROUD.
SING THE ANTHEM.
AND GIVE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE.
Our grand-parents gave their LIVES for their country. You're not going to the battlefield. You're not gonna get SHOT at. We're just asking you and expecting you to give yourself away for 90 minutes. And 90 minutes only. To give ALL you got. To stand tall and proud, against all odds, forgetting your quarrels of pre-pubescent spoiled teenagers, get down from your pedestal of arrogance and self-righteousness, make ONE on the field and send your opponents back home to their mom, exploding the score.
You have to do MORE than the EXPECTED, not the LEAST you can get away with.
 
Especially since you're not getting away with anything right now.
 
 
Heard Laurent Blanc is meant to fill up Domenech's shoes when he's gone. He was a pillar of the 98 team and now found himself in front of this sidereal emptyness this french group (sorry can't use "team" here) has left behind. Good luck bringing supporters and fan's faith in our national team. Good luck in making a team who proudly represents their country, a team who sings the national anthem on top of their lungs, a team who plays as one and with pleasure.
 
Football is, before everything else, a GAME. People should PLAY it. Not passively watching.
It is supposed to be FUN. And i think that most of the french players have totally forgotten that notion.
Laurent, fire everybody and let's start all over again. I am convinced you can easily find 23 good and highly motivated players who'll be more than happy to make us all proud to wear our blue jersey again.
 

But please, keep Florent Malouda in the team ... he's just so yummy to look at (yeah, i know, he's also a pretty damn good player who basically did all the work yesterday!)

   

Pray Sinners, The Flood Is Here ...

Or better, start building your arch so you can sail away ...

Well, i dont see it NECESARY to talk about France's desastrous game against Mexico. I mean it's already painful enough to see it once, no need to ramble about it some more. What i'll remember today, June 17th, for, is the FIRST RAIN OF THE RAINY SEASON.

What a perfect timing. I mean right on time to drown my sorrow and misery major embarassment.

Kinda came unexpectedly. Well, i said KINDA. I was still on the pier doing some check-ins for tour and you could already hear the thunder. But i mean, i was having dinner in a restaurant and i didnt hear the rain start pouring, nor the storm shooting out until i actually stepped out. Oh dear rainy season. Here you are at last!

What i was eagerly waiting for was to SEE what my neighborhood looks like under massive amount of rain. And i mean, i could only take this very poor quality picture (from inside my car) but it gives an idea of the extend of the issue i'm in right now:

Water up to mid-door, swipers at the maximum speed and you still cant see the end of your hood, current so strong you cant safely cross the street and mud, oh the mud. All the dust i complained about is now MUD. So i parked my car in front of my house, not too sure i'll be able to pull it out of there tomorrow morning to go to work, stepped out of the car, burried my foot (and shoe) up to my ankle, got drenched by the time i locked both doors, slipped and fell in the mud, found the missing shoe in the mud, fell again, before i finally made it to my front door, covered in mud and drenched to the bones, just on time to see my i'm-so-happy-you're-finally-home-so-i-can-come-inside-and-be-dry dog jump on me of excitement.

Who said mud-fight and water-skiing was FUN?

And WHERE is the pier to park my lancha?




** UPDATED **
THIS is a picture of the exact same street, pretty much at the same place, but by day, at the begining of the rain (10 minutes worth of rain) ...

     

Go France Go

I never thought i'd say that - especially since i've been living in Mexico for so long ...
But FUCK IT.

GO FRANCE GO!

Woooo!!!!

Tomorrow, 1:30pm , France my dear beloved country which saw me born and grow is playing against my new home country Mexico in the world cup.
I thought it'd be a heartbreaking game to watch, that my heart will be split in two between those 2 countries but the closer we get to the game, the more i hear about it, the more i read about it, the more i want France to win, the more i want France to explode Mexico's face, i want them to win 10-0 if they can.

I mean i'm the only person where i work who's gonna be cheering for France. If they lose, they're gonna tease me until the end of time and i'm gonna have to shoot myself in the eye.
If they win, oh my, if they win, i'll brag about it until the end of time.

Already started the party. It's getting too hard to type.

Wish it was already time ..

GO FRANCE GO

WOOHOO




Allons enfants de la Patrie
Le jour de gloire est arrivé
Contre nous de la Tyrannie
L'étandard sanglant est levé
L'étandard sanglant est levé
Entendez vous dans nos compagnes
Rugir ces féroces soldats
Ils viennent jusque dans nos bras
Egorger nos fils et nos compagnes

Aux armes citoyens
Formez vos batallions
Marchons, marchons
Qu'un sang impur
Abreuve nos sillons.


Damn i'm getting patriotic and emotional. I might even cry during the National Anthem :)


  

What's My Motherfucking Name?

I've been asked so many time how do i pronounce my name, how do i spell my name, how do i spell "maty". If i spell it maty, matty, matti, mati, mathi or mathy.
Well let me set things straight once and for all:
MY NAME IS MATHILDE. And yes it's spelt with an H after the T and yes it's an E at the end not an A and no, my name is not Matilda, or Matildee.


If my name is too complicated, and if you speak to me in Spanish, you can call me Matilde, if it's too complicated and you speak English, Matilda will do. But if you're gonna complain about me, or put a contract under my name, i'd appreciate it you spell it properly.


As for my nick name, cuz Mexicans are so very fond of nicknames, it's Maty. No H, no double T, no i. MATY.


There, you have it.

PS: the reason why i dont want the double T in my nick is very simple. It makes the word looks too proper, too sweet, too nice and too not me at all. In French, the double T is generally followed by an E and comes at the end of a word. And it means "little".
Example: une voiture (a car) - une voiturette (a little car)
une fille (a girl) - une fillette (a little girl)
I'm not little, i'm not sweet, i'm not proper. I'm a bad ass motherfucking bitch and wish to be called by my name or given a nickname that matches the personality properly.


Questions?




  

Mangos, Mangos and More Mangos

The first thing i noticed when i visit the property i end up buying, apart from the amazing amount of space outside, was the 2 big mango trees ON THE PROPERTY ITSELF. And i was like "FUCK YEAH". I honestly didnt looked at the inside of the house much. I was obsessed by the simple fact that i was gonna be the proud owner of two mango trees.

My whole time dream.

Mango is my favorite fruit in the world. I discovered it when i was living in Ireland when my boyfriend of the time brought one home for me to try. Imported of course. 2 euros a mango, better be good.

So when i arrived in Mexico and i saw that the KILO of mango is not even 2 euros, that you can actually get mangos off of trees on the street for free, i was like, hell yeah i belong here.

Mexico is actually the 3rd country for mango production (behind India (far far first) and China) and if i remember well what i've been taught, mango is one of the 5 most produced fruit here (with corn, coffee, tobacco and marijuana i can't remember what's the last one).

And how happy was i when i realized that i was going to move in just on time to harvest my own mangos. Seriously, how COOL is that?
What i wasnt aware of though is HOW MUCH bloody mangos a mango tree produce. I mean.
OH
MY
GOD

I have been eating mangos like an insane woman who hasnt been eating anything but roots in like a month. I eat mango for breakfast, for lunch, for afternoon tea, for dinner, for midnight buffet, at all hour of the day and the night. I have been collecting mangos every second day, and washing them, and peeling them, and cutting them in pieces and freezing them in ziploc bags. My fridge is already full of mangos (picture will come soon). I now live mangos, breathe mangos, sweat mangos, dream mangos.

AAAAAAAHHHHHH.

On wednesday, i picked up all the mangos that were on the floor. Took me two hours to do so. Cuz i had to separate the rotten ones from the eatable ones. But i mean i was on top of my game doing that. I used my wheelbarrow with 2 massive buckets on it: one for the rotten ones, one for the good ones. And what did i do with the rotten ones? No i didnt trash them in a garbage bag. Do you have any idea how HEAVY a garbage bag is when full of mangos? Yeah well of course i've done that the first time. Couldnt lift the bag, when i finally managed to move it like 3 inches its bottom broke open ... story of my life.
So no, what i do with the useless rotten ones, i make HOME MADE COMPOST. I have this huge container i fill up with rotten mangos, mango peels and mango leaves and i am making my own mango compost so my other plants can grow huge and beautiful.

This is what my ground looked like before i start picking up mangos today. That's what fell in just 3 days.
So since my wheelbarrow-2-buckets technique was working just fine 3 days ago, i re-used it again today. But man, i mean how many kilos a tree produce a day? My freaking god! It's insane. I looked on the internet but couldnt find that info. So i made my own maths (cuz i like numbers).
Today, i picked up one bucket of good ones : 15 kilos and 2 buckets of rotten ones : 30 kilos.
So that's 45 kilos i've been handling (no wonder my back hurts now).
45 kilos that fell from ONE of my 2 trees in 3 days. So that makes 15 kilos a day. Knowing that i only collected HALF of ONE tree, i can estimate that my i-used-to-like-you-so-much-but-not-so-much-anymore mango trees produce 45 kilos of mango A DAY. Between the 2 of them. So that's 27.5 kilos per tree. Approx.
In my case, one third is eatable cuz they have parasites. That makes a good 15 kilos a day.

FIFTEEN KILOS OF MANGOS A DAY.

WHO EATS THAT ?

They say that even though India is the first country producer of mango, they eat most of it themselves. If they eat that many, can they come pick up mine? Really feels like i'm producing half of Mexico's here.




Oh i can HEAR mangos falling every few minutes. That has gotta stop. How many more days of harvesting i'm having ahead? Anyone?


  

Should I Worry Maybe??

Here in Mexico where i live, like in many tropical countries, we have 2 seasons: the dry season and the rainy season. Rainy season is generally from now up until early october or so.

Rain is actually cool here. It sticks the dust on the ground, cool off the air for a few minutes, makes everything look so lush-y and green and beautiful. It generally pours for an hour or so and then it clears off. Obviously, that kind of tropical storm takes time to form itself so in the morning, it's nice and cool because of last night's rain. Then around midday, with the sun at its highest and brightest (so when it is SO hot), sky starts getting darker and darker, humidity is shooting up, everything feels so heavy and gross, time stands still (or so it feels) and all of the sudden, without previous notice, it starts raining.

I already talked about the heavy rains we have in PV in a post last year. So i'm not gonna ramble on about it again. But point is, when it rains, it THE FLOOD. There is so much water that falls in such a short amount of time that even the most high-tech biggest bad-ass-est draining system wouldnt be any good. And to be truly honest, mexican's draining system is nowhere close to be the most high-tech biggest bad ass-est. So when it rains, it also floods.

Walking on a sidewalk and seeing a local bus coming your way with a surfable wave on the side is quite a sight. And if you are on your way to work, well, hope you took some change of clothes with you cuz fact is: you are gonna get drenched. Soaked to the bone.

I have moved house, area, neighborhood, state even BEFORE all that rain thingy starts. I have lived in a lot of different places here in PV but never where i am right now. So what i'm saying (and the simple fact of writing it here is rather dreadful) is that i have NO CLUE how the water is gonna travel here. On my land, in my street, in my neighborhood and the streets around.
I have no freaking clue (**gasp**)

On the road i take to drive to work, there is a canal. A decent sized canal but not a BIG huge one. There are canals like that all over PV for the water to escape. They're gutters. Tiny little gutters considering the amount of water that falls on us but gutters nonetheless.

Well the other day, maybe a week ago, i saw a lot of people around the canal. Every year, they clean the canals before the rain starts. They clean them of all the dust and plants and trash that accumulates in there for the 7 months the dry season lasts.
Except that the cleaning was done well before i moved here.
What they were doing there was a complete unknown operation to me (up until now at least). What they were doing was filling up bags of dirt (20-30 kilos bags) and building up dikes. On both sides of the canal.

So let me repeat this quietly:
THEY ARE BUILDING DIKES.
DIKES people.
DIKES.

And pretty damn high ones as it is.

I am starting to SERIOUSLY worry about the rain now. I mean if they are building dikes, it is now a FACT, a KNOWN fact that the canal is NOT deep enough, nor wide enough for the rain that's coming.

O_o

Should i buy a boat instead of a bike?
Oh my, 2010 rainy season should be quite something. Bet you're gonna hear about it soon!


  

Hold Your Breath

Mexico is playing in the opening game of the World Cup against host country South Africa. Which means i now have 15 minutes to write those lines if i dont want to miss the second half of the game. Which means an entire nation is breathing again right now since they have been dominating this game but havent scored just yet.

I dont have a TV. So i "watch" the game online through live comments. It's not half as fun and entertaining but how fun and entertaining is watching a football game on your own at home anyway. Maybe i'll go to a bar this afternoon when France is playing. But they might embarass me so might as well stay at home :)

Mexico is a football nation. They live football, they breathe football. The entire country is standing behind their team. It is actually amazing. Even us foreigner can't help but standing behind OUR host country.
If Mexico wins this game, it's gonna be incredible. The ground is gonna be shaking. The entire country is gonna be screaming and celebrating. It doesnt matter if there are more games to be played, more games to be won before they qualify for the next round. THAT in Mexico, doesnt matter. What matters here, is that the national team is playing and that there is not a single Mexican on this planet who's not supporting it.

Today in Mexico, everybody is wearing a green jersey of their team (Mexico just changed it official jersey color to black and a lot of people still wear the green one). At the taco stand, taco man is wearing the mexican jersey. At the bank, they're wearing the jersey and broadcasting the game, at Walmart, all the personal is wearing the jersey (they've been wearing it for a week now!). TV presentators are wearing the jersey. The techician from Telmex is wearing the jersey. The harbor master and the pilot of PV's pier are both wearing the jersey. EVERYBODY is wearing the mexican football jersey today, but i mean EVERYBODY.

WHAT other country does that?

OK second half is on. Back to a nation holding its breath. Go Mexico! Go!

I love my home country.
Even though i prefered the green NIKE jersey over the black ADIDAS one ...



*** UPDATE ***  South Africa just scored @ minute 54. An entire nation is mourning :(
And Mexico drew @ minute 79 !!! Yeepee


    

Lady Gaga & Me

Guess this post will not fall in the category "me and ..."
Anyway.

Hello, hello, baby; You called, I can't hear a thing.
I have got no service in the club, you see, see…
Wha-Wha-What did you say?
Oh, you're breaking up on me…
Sorry, I cannot hear you, I'm kinda busy.

 
Lately, i have been obsessed by Lady Gaga. Especially that "telephone" song of hers! OK i admit i listen to it like 20 times in a row (now playing as i type). Can't stop watching all her videos, listening to all her songs. My obsession is more on the person she is than what her songs talk about or her music is all about. She is so very intrigating. To me at least but i dare say to a lot of people as well.

K-kinda busy

K-kinda busy
Sorry, I cannot hear you, I'm kinda busy.

I dont like all her songs but i admire how much she dares doing crazy stuff. I mean we all are neurotic crazy freaks, some more than others but i mean she takes freakiness to a whole different level. And for that, she gets all my respect. And admiration. Not that she really needs it but she gets it anyway ;)

Just a second, it's my favorite song they're gonna play
And I cannot text you with a drink in my hand, eh…
You shoulda made some plans with me, you knew that I was free.
And now you won't stop calling me;
I'm kinda busy.



So now i am desperate to get "telephone" as my ringtone but either i'm a complete idiot and cant find a free way to do it, or it's really not available. Yes i know i have a blackberry and NO FREAKIN' CLUE! Pathetic. Oh well. Up until recently, cel phones were just that, CELLULAR PHONES. Not bloody radio station, camera, DVD player and laptop with internet. So all the extra curricular assets of a cel phone, well, i'm not quite there yet. The only thing i figured out pretty damn quick was the chat. My dear beloved chat.

Stop callin', stop callin',

I don't wanna think anymore!
I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.
Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna talk anymore!
I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.



But back to my issue here. I NEED LADY GAGA's TELEPHONE SONG AS MY RINGTONE.
NOW.
ANY help is welcome.
But i NEED this ringtone.
ASAP.

My phone rings non-stop on cruise ship days and that would be nice to have a song actually saying: stop calling, i dont want to talk anymore. Very appropriate. I'll probably miss all my calls just to listen to that song which has been screaming in my head for the past week 2 days.

Stop callin', stop callin',

I don't wanna think anymore!
I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.
Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna talk anymore!
I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.

And now her new video Alejandro is out, it got 3 MILLIONS views in 24 HOURS and guess what?
I CAN'T WATCH IT.
Because of that stupid internet.
So i'm frustrated.
Again
ALL OVER AGAIN.
Especially since it apparently brought a lot of controversy, and a lot of buzz, and because i'm curious now i want to be like the other 3 millions crazy asses who're fascinated by Gaga's insane audacity.
 
Not that I don't like you,

I'm just at a party.
And I am sick and tired
of my phone r-ringing.

Sometimes I feel like
I live in Grand Central Station.
Tonight I'm not takin' no calls,
'cause I'll be dancin'.
'Cause I'll be dancin'
'Cause I'll be dancin'
Tonight I'm not takin' no calls, 'cause I'll be dancin'!

Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna think anymore!
I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.
Stop callin', stop callin',
I don't wanna talk anymore!
I left my hand and my heart on the dance floor.

Wooooo. And one more time before i go to bed!
Stop calling stop calling i dont want to TALK anymore!
 
 
 
 
Damn! I wish i had the balls to hang out on the street in my underwears. Even though not too sure it'd be such a good idea here in Mexico!
 

What about that outfit for Halloween? Mmm, maybe it's gonna be too cold in October! Jaja. And there is no way i could WALK with shoes this high. Ok, i rule it out then :(

 
 
 
  

In The Dirt

Today was the perfect day to be outside. Yes, it's hot still but since it's been overcast for the past few days and because the sun didnt even show up today, it was actually nice outside. And kinda cool as well. As cool as 29°C can be obviously !!!

I really think my friend was right when she told me that doing nothing can be depressing after a while. And let's face it, i have A LOT to do still in my house!

We have a saying in french that translates like that: "Idleness is mother of all vices"
Which i just found out, is the equivalent of the english "the devil makes work for idle hands".
Well, it's true. I could be writing an entire post about proverbs and sayings but it's not really what i was planning just now! jaja.

So this morning, after my awesome favorite moment of the entire day (breakfast), i decided to get going (ok my internet was not working that's probably what saved me from sitting on my lazy ass all day!!).
I went out to water my plants. And my trees. I mean i have a LOT of plants and trees on this land and since a friend told me that in order to have lemons i need to water the lemon tree every single day, i'm doing just that right now. Watering the lemon tree every day (I already have no idea what to do with the hundreds of mangos falling on the floor every DAY if i start having lemons on top of it all, oh my ...).At least, lemon is chasing the mosquitoes away. Cuz even though my geckos are doing a fantastic job, they're still outnumbered by an estimated 10/1.

Anyway.

So here was i, doing a fantastic job with my plants outside, not even sweating too much cuz the weather, as i said was just perfect to be gardening. Then i noticed my 2 myrtles. Yeah, i know, the name is fancy and i had to look it up in the dictionnary to find it in english. And in french while i was at it (never heard about that tree before). So i kinda like those 2 trees i have (just found out they stay green year round) but they kinda look sad and not taken care of ... So i decided to use some of the hundreds of bricks the ex-owner left on MY land ...

And this is what i came out with:

Look at that ... I mean LOOK AT THAT :))

Yes, i did it all on my own, yes, all the bricks are at the same level and all of them are horizontal (i used my fantastic tool i dont know the name in english but it has a little bubble inside to make sure that what you're building is straight) and best of it all, i used wet dirt to "cement" it all up (between the bricks and on the outside so it doesnt fall apart).
I watered it afterwards and not a single drop of water escaped ... I mean how good am i? AND it was soooo much fun. I loved it. I'm gonna do that with all my trees now. And i also want to make a little alley for my car ... with bricks as well. Just the THOUGHT of it is enjoyable! I love it already ...

I KNEW i should have worked in construction. I just knew it.




PS: i am sending this picture to my dad right now ... and guess what .... i'm gonna make him so proud !

PS2: dad, i know you wont read these lines but all those manual abilities of mine, and all the techniques, i owe it ALL to YOU. I love you dad!




  

Keep Trying

This is a post dedicated to my soon-to-be EX internet provider... Yeah, those very same ones i fancied shooting the crap out of a few posts back...

I have been struggling with my internet connection for almost a year now. I'm not going to enter into details about how many HOURS i've spent on the phone with customer service, how many times i've seen the pop-up screen claiming connection failed, please try again, how many times i've had interrupted phone calls or chat-conversations, how many times i've been so close to throw everything through the window and shoot that mother-fucking BAM in the eye ...
NO.
I won't go over that anger and rage and frustration again. I'm done with it.

My contract ends on August 2nd. That is in just under 2 months.
HALLELUIAH.

This morning, i decided to go check with TELMEX. I have been a customer of theirs in the past and was very happy with their internet services. The only reason why i contracted iusacell in the first place is because it was the only internet provider that gave service where i used to live. Back in the days, my neighborhood was the asshole of the world, where the wind turns around, where nobody lives, nor comes. Nobody but me. And i can perfectly live without a TV but not without Internet. If i hadnt had Internet through 2009 swine flu, i would have shot myself.

And it was fine at first ... it was very fine for the first 12 months, conveniently the 12 months your device is guaranteed for.

Now i live in a different area. In one of the most popular and mexican area of Puerto Vallarta and i know for sure Telmex gets here. I even have a phone line IN the house. It's been desactivited of course but it's there. So i know my dear beloved internet connection gets here too.
Well i decided that today was gonna be the day. THE day i pop up at Telmex's office and ask them what is that i need to do to get my line installed and my contract running.
The agent who took care of me told me: i need your passport and your address. I had both.
We did the paperwork (lasted maybe 10 minutes at the most), he gave me my phone number to be and told me a technician will be coming between 5 and 10 days. And since i already have everything i need to get going (both modem AND phone), as soon as the technician has paid me a visit, i can start using the services.

HOLY CRAP O_o

Already? That fast?
Woo freaking hoo.

Needless to say i am soooo excited about it all. And to celebrate, i tried to get online with my stupid BAM as soon as i got home. And guess what?
It's been working like a charm for now almost 4 hours straight. I havent been kicked out, nor disconnected. The connection is fast. I even talked to my parents through Skype WITH THE CAM ON to show them around my new house without any glitch.
It's like my bam KNOWS i'm changing provider soon. It's like it KNOWS within a maximum of 10 days, i will never touch it again. EVER. It's like iusacell KNOWS and try to convince me what a great provider they are. What an excellent service they're giving me. That i should consider extend my contract with them cuz look how well it works and how happy i am with my connection today.

Nice try.

Not working.



    

Striking News

Did that ever happen to you that with ONE single sentence, someone can piss you off so much or turn you off so bad you don't even want to talk to that person again? Don't want to give him/her any explanation, you just KNOW things cannot work between the 2 of you any longer?
Well it happened to me, AGAIN, yesterday. Except that i DID notice it was happening and thus decided to try to analyse what exactly was going on. What was the sparkle that switch on the entire fireworks of negative emotions towards that person.

The good thing is, i can talk about it here, they will never find out. And even if they would, that'd show them how NARROW-MINDED i think they are.

So far, there are 2 things that are a major turn off for me. Tim, shut up, i know what you're gonna say, you're gonna say that pretty much everything pisses me off and i know it's true in a way. I'm a big time angry person thus a LOT of things piss me off. But it's not about anger i'm talking about right now. It's about the reaction of someone that makes me immediately flip, turn around and stop talking to them for the rest of time.
Yes i know, it sounds a bit extreme and yes, maybe i'm overreacting. But let me tell you something. It has happened in the past, it happened yesterday and i know for sure that if it happens in the future, i will feel exactly the same - i have NOTHING in common with that person.

Those 2 things are pretty simple:
- someone lacking to understand the bond i have with my dog (or the bond anybody can have with his/her pet).
- someone who considers reading or writing a waste of time, something unimportant, useless or plain ridiculous.

Now let me explain the way i see things for a minute. I am not saying i hold the Truth. I will never dare to do such thing. This is just the way i am, the way i feel and i'm not asking anybody to be or feel the way i am. Religious fanatics do that. Not me. I'm just saying that people who don't understand that part of me have nothing to do around me, or in my life.

My dog, the one i have now, as well as all the ones i had in the past, is my everything. She is to me what a child is to a mother. I care for her, i worry about her, i love her like you love a child or a family member. I'm always happy to go back home at night after work because i know she'll be there, because i know i'll see her and she'll be happy to see me too. She loves me like nobody else can or would. There is no grudge, no resentment, no intention to hurt. It's just pure love.
No, she is NOT a child. Of course she's not. She's a dog, not a human being. She costs me shit loads less than a child would, she can be alone at home all day and she'll be under my responsability and care for probably not even half the time a child would. That doesnt make it a lesser relationship. The pain of losing a pet is similar to losing a loved one. And no, you can't just replace your absent dog with a new one. A pet, like a child, is not a pair of shoes that you replace when it's useless.

YOU failing to understand that about me, appears to me like a shell with nothing inside. No heart. No warmth. Nothing. And YOU making FUN of me caring that much about my dog is just, in my opinion, despicable.

As for my problem with people who think a book is as (if not more) dangerous as a machine gun or an atomic bomb, i can only tell them one thing: go watch more TV.
Yes, please, go watch more of that brain-washing crap, think you know the world cuz you've seen it on TV, keep thinking that you're the shit but please, go away from me.
Yes i've read the 7 books of Harry Potter and haven't seen one of the movies, yes, i read a book a week (and not more cuz i dont enjoy reading in spanish as much as in english or in french), no i dont own a tv but no i dont get bored at home. I dont know everything of what's happening in the world. I dont watch or listen to the news cuz i think it's depressing. But i've been to school, i've studied litterature and philosophy, i think reading and writing are two of human's greatest gifts, that reading opens your mind and stimulates your imagination, that it provides you with more vocabulary and awakens your natural curiosity, that it makes you think for yourself and doesnt impose you a point of view, that it makes time passes faster and avoids boredom in a healthy way.
I think there are just a few things that can compare to the excitment of feeling the urge to finish up a book or not to go to sleep until you know what happens next even if it's already 4 in the morning and your eyes are just sooo heavy.

Reading and writing are just exercises for the brain. And just as your body needs to get going and moving, your bain also needs its share of stimulation.

With that said, maybe some will understand why i decided to stop chit-chatting with them from one day to another, from one minute to another even. But again, they'll probably never find out ... I wont lose sleep over it. Oh no. I'll just keep on cleaning my surroundings off of the people who are detrimental to my well-being. It's not being selfish, it's wanting the best for myself.


  

Niki And Her Eye Infection

Niki is my dog. My pain in the butt i hate to love you that much dog. She's a 18 months old pitbull and i love her to death. A few weeks back, she had an eye infection. Nothing major, just some over production of eye-poop. Sorry, no idea how it is called in english.
The vet i had back then gave me some drops to put in her eyes and told me that it was most probably due to the dust. And dust is a big issue here in Mexico.
I said i'm a bad patient, but i'm a terrible doctor as well. Put the drops in her eyes for like 2 days and then forgot about it all. Consequently, she got the same eye-infection back again yesterday. But i mean that was nasty. Poor thing. I'm really ashamed not to have noticed earlier. I mean what a terrible mom i am.
When i woke up yesterday, she had dried eye-poop all around her eyes like if she had goggles. How gross is that? And how terrible i felt.
So i didnt think twice, took her to my old vet (i'm back to the very first vet i had here in PV and that makes me so very happy cuz he's the best) and showed him shamefully my poor dog.

He said she had conjunctivitis.
OMG.
That is highly contagious. Not too sure if it is contagious between human beings and animal but i mean we're both mammals, we're living together and i wouldnt be surprised she could pass it on to me.

So meds. I mean, bad ass drops with antibiotics and shit.

He showed me out to put the drops in her eyes. Jaja. I dont know why it always looks easier when the vet does it. And my dog is just like me, she's very scandalous, always over-reacting on everything, making big drama over little stuff so obviously, DROPS IN HER EYES she was not having it the easy way!
Like it hurts.
How sensitive ...

Since yesterday, i've been following the vet's recommendations, and put drops in her eyes twice a day. The second she sees me grab the flask of drops, she hides under the couch. That little bitch. So i have to use all the ingenuity i have to get her out, to BRIBE her out.
And then she's so funny. Cuz i mean she's not stupid, she KNOWS it's eye-drop time. So she gets closer but with her eyes closed. Jaja. So cute.

She's already better today. Her eyes are not red anymore. She doesnt have eye-poop in the morning and she still looks at me in sheer adoration. How can i not love her back?

*** UPDATED *** just bathed her with profusion of anti-flea soap. Being around street dogs, she got her body covered in fleas. I did that massive shampoo twice in a row. And then lovingly dried her with her towel (she still think the towel is a WWF opponent to bring DOWN). She was smelling of soap and her hair was all nice and shiny ... up until 2 minutes later when i helplessly watched her roll herself in the dirt in front of the house ...

Dogs will be dogs ...


 

Kart Accident

Today, I went to do my tedious, painful yet necessary grocery shopping. I really wasn’t in the mood for it so went straight to what I really needed, that is dog food and garbage bags. Some other stuff as well but I went mainly for dog food and garbage bags.

Anyway.

I was driving my kart back to my car when the incident happened. I mean I already don’t understand WHO the hell came with the idea of covering a supermarket's parking lot with cobblestones. I mean, seriously? COBBLESTONES?
So obviously, it kinda makes sense that the grid covering the gutter of mentioned parking lot has holes big enough for your kart’s wheels to fall into, doesn’t it?

When I drive my kart back to my car, I generally go slow. Not because I can’t drive it fast but I mean cobblestones and eggs don’t go well together and I already made omelets on a supermarket’s parking lot before. So now I’m cautious. Moreover, I don’t want to hit a car with my kart and then be sued for hit and run. I mean I hate going grocery shopping so I generally load my kart to the fullest in order not to come back for another 3 weeks or so. And just the bag of dog food weights 15 kilos. So I have maybe 30 kilos of shit in my kart and it’s not easy to maneuver it – especially over stupid cobblestones. So yeah, I drive slow but with energy since damn kart weights a lot for me to push it.

But back to my story.

So there I was, driving my kart back to my car, not paying attention to much around me cuz that’s what I tend to do when I walk outside, and bam, I stuck the kart in the gutter. Well, one of the front wheels got stuck in the gutter making the kart come to a complete stop. Obviously I kept on going and hit the kart with all the energy I was using to push it. So pretty damn hard.
I mean I’d be the first one to laugh my eyes out if I saw someone in that situation because I mean, come on, it’s hilarious. People hitting themselves, people falling, people knocking themselves off, people slipping, it’s just plain funny. Period. Well it’s actually funny when it doesn’t happen to you. Cuz honestly, it hurt. And a lot.

I first got the kart’s handle hit me in the stomach (I just had lunch so that wasn’t a particularly pleasant experience). Then whatever part at the bottom of the kart which tried to break my tibia in two, just below the knee where it hurts like fucking hell. And then I have people asking me how the hell do I get all those bruises? I mean look at me! I’m worse than a 6 years old boy playing in a school playground with his friends. I have more bruises and scabs than any of them. I can be so clumsy sometimes.

Anyway. Picture me in the middle of the parking lot, in full blazing sun, hurt up to my soul, folded in two with the pain and nobody around to give me a hand (or laugh – yeah well maybe it was better that nobody was actually around! At least I made a fool of myself without an audience!!)
So sucking it up (just like when you’re a kid and you don’t want your friends to see you cry but you’d run to mummy if you could), I got back to my kart, pulled it out of the gutter (damn kart was HEAVY), well decided to roll it on the remaining 20 meters that we got stopped away from my car.

Obviously fate wasn’t just done with me … bloody kart wheel was all twisted and useless and the kart was obviously not taking any of it. So it’s half lifting half dragging the kart that I walked back to my car. I hated the world. I hated the entire world.

Been home 2 hours already and still haven’t unload any of the grocery yet. Told you I was a useless housewife!















PS: now you understand why I need a personal assistant? :P

PS: bloody K still not working properly! And i mean between supermarket, parking lot, kart, how many bloody Ks did i need? Godammit. Cant even use the F word, it ends with a K too.