THIS ... Is What I Want

I want that body, with maybe a tad more flesh since i believe she's too skinny to my liking but hey, i'd settle with that anyway ;)

And you know what the best part of it is?

I'll get it.

I give myself 3 months for this. 3 months and a week. Right on time for the Monsters Race at the beginning of June. 

I've taken some before pictures (so what i look like now) and i'll take some more after a month, after 2 months and then at the end and i'll show them off here!

Ultimately, whenever i find the drive or the perfect fit sport-wise for me, i'm aiming at this:

Don't wish me luck. I know what i want. I know how to get it. And it's called work. 
And just like a sign i saw was stating: 

"Nobody cares about your excuses. Nobody pities you for procrastinating. Nobody is gonna cuddle you because you're lazy. 
It's YOUR ASS. 
YOU move it".

Catherapy

I don't think the word exists but it doesn't really matter, i invented it and i think it fits. 

The other day, i was reading an article about cats and i was amazed to learn that of all mammals, cats heal 3 times faster than any other. Which means that if you take for example, a horse, a human being and a cat, all 3 of them with a broken leg, well the cat is gonna be up and running 3 times faster than the other 2. And why is that? Because cats PURR.

After digging it a little more, i found out that cats purring is on a frequency range that improve bone density and promote healing. So cats don't only purr when they're happy. They actually purr more when in a stressful environment, or when they're hurt. To heal themselves. Or soothe themselves.

In that same article was a mention of therapy cats and how some Asian folks have set some cat therapy clinics to help patients combat a variety of physical illnesses, as well as anxiety disorders, depression, loneliness and developmental disabilities.

A few days ago, i wasn't well at all. I was crying non-stop and had anxiety attacks. My shrink told me that it will happen from time to time and that it is part of the mourning process but that doesn't make it any less damaging. Especially when you're alone. 

But as i did with my insomnia problem, i refuse to let depression take over my life, i refuse to let  that loss rule my world and a friend of mine i had talked about that catherapy reminded me of it. He told me: you have 3 cats at your entire disposal, use them, cuddle them, lay down with them and let them help you mend the pieces of your broken heart and fill at least some of the void in your soul.

And i did.

And it worked.

Funnily enough, every time i have felt down, my 3 cats have been more cuddly and they all come on my bed at night (before that, it was only when it was cold, and most of the time, only in the morning, when the alarm had just rang to make me understand it was high time to feed them). It's amazing the wonders a purring cat can do. It's soothing to a point you don't want to cry anymore. It's comforting to a point you don't feel that pain piercing you anymore.

My cats are the best. And i'm sure they're not done helping me going through this all.

 Yeti is the best "healer"

Nina is the best "cuddler"

My other cat Psycha, doesnt care for healing or cuddling. She just want to be fed :P

My Cats Dont Care About Health

As some of you might remember, pretty much a year ago, ex-Dear Beloved and i switched the diet of all of our 5 pets (2 dogs and 3 cats) to the BARF diet. It was healthier and way more natural than kibbles and canned food and i'd say all our pets changed to that menu pretty easily.

It's been a year now and as you also know, i'm moving back to France next month and i know that for a while at least, my cats will be back to eat kibbles. I know, i know, shame on me. I'm not too happy about it either to be honest but you cant put fresh meat in their cage for the trip and i dont know if i'll have a fish shop close by or a butcher close by when i'm in France and even if i do, they wont taste the same. They're already gonna have to adapt to the new weather (which is going to be as drastic a change as it will be for me) i dont want them to have to adapt to new food as well. Not just yet anyway.

So earlier this week, i went to the supermarket, got them a bag of kibbles and damn them, you should have seen their reaction. The second i plunged a cup in the bag, all 3 of them came rushing from wherever they were and sat in front of their bowl.

I havent seen them eating that enthusiastically for quite a while to be honest. And the first thing i thought was, well, there you go for the healthy diet, they couldnt care less, they want kibbles. Screw fresh meat, screw everything bloody you put in our plate before, WE WANT KIBBLES.

Hopefully, Yeti will start putting on some weight. He's so skinny he's the one i worry about the most for the big trip to France.

But anyways, i'll keep you all posted about the trip back to France. I believe there are going to be countless of anectodes and crazy stuff happening in between now and then, both for my cats and for myself. It would be a shame not to share them all :)

PS: the picture is a couple of years old but from left to right: Psycha, Yeti and Nina (when we just got her)

Happy Valentine Day ... to ME

I believe i've said it before but i'll repeat it again, just to make sure. I dont like Valentine's day. I think it's cheesy, i think it kills the entire concept of love and more to the point, i think it's commercial.

I'm not saying this because i'm single and without a Valentine. I've always felt that way. I think if you love someone, you dont need a day that the calendar imposes you to let him/her know about it. If you love someone, you show him/her every single day that passes. Why do you need to be the 14th of February to take him to dinner, or give him chocolates, or a present or whatever. There are 365 days in a year and you should make the best of them ALL.

Here in Mexico, Valentine's day is not only the day for lovers it's also the day for friends. It's the day of love and friendship. How about that? I like that better. In a way. That's a commercial way-out for single people to still spend money on gifts for friends instead of spending it on a lover. But i also like the concept since nobody is left out in the celebration. There is always someone who's gonna wish you the best and show you their love and support and it feels nice.

Today, since i'm single, i decided to do not-fun stuff by going to the bank. When i got there, my adviser wasnt there and nobody else was available so i thought, well, not meant to do this today then. Since i was there, i decided to go sit on the beach and watch the ocean. Something i havent done in so long i dont even remember the last time i actually did it. You never do stuff like that when you can - cuz it's right there. I'm sure i'll miss it like crazy when i'm gone but that's another story. 

It's when i stepped on the beach that i realized i was on the exact same spot i came to the first time i set foot on a beach here in Puerto Vallarta, some 11 years ago. Talking about closing chapters. I've always believed everything happens for a reason and me ending up there today was no coincidence. I was meant to be there, especifically to close chapters. Just like i did yesterday with all these old memories of my life here. 

The moment was quiet and beautiful. I topped it up with a massage that left me amazingly mellow and relaxed. I'm gonna go take a nap now. The only thing that could make this day even better than it is already, is my neighbor coming tonight with his friend telling me he's buying the house. I've already put a bottle of champagne in the fridge for the celebration!

Down Memory Lane

Since i now have all the time in the world but still need to start preparing my moving back to France, today, i decided to go through all the books i have on my book shelves. All the books and everything that has been sitting there for ever and gathering dust. And dear lord do i own stuff. It is amazing how much crap you're accumulating over the years and somehow, all that crap got carried from one place to another, one house to another over the past 11 years i've been to Mexico.

So today, i went through every single book i own and put aside the ones i want to take back home with me. The rest, i made 2 piles: the french books on one side, and the not in french books on the other side. And i'll give them all away (the ones i dont want of course).

As i was getting closer to the bottom of my shelf, i started to find bags of old pictures and old diaries of mine. Stuff so old it was from the time BEFORE i arrived to Mexico. This is some shit that is at least 11 years old. And i'm still carrying that around?

So i grabbed a gigantic garbage bag and started to review every single pictures i found. Seriously, there are some pictures of people i dont even recognize. Places i dont remember going to. And some of me, oh dear god, i wish i'd never seen. That's the problem when you see something. You can't un-see it. 

So i started tossing. And i actually tossed a LOT. Strangely, it was a mixed feeling to do this. A mixed feeling between nostalgia and detachment.

Nostalgia of a time that was and never will be again. About the people i was hanging out with then that i've lost touch with. About the places i had visited and seen that one time. About the person i was then.

But at the same time, i felt detached of all these things. Just like it wasnt part of me anymore. Just like if it was the pictures and the memories of someone else. That's actually the way it's been feeling lately. That this life i'm in right now doesnt belong to me anymore. That my time in Mexico has come to an end. In my head, i'm already gone. I now feel closer to the people in France (most of whom i only know virtually) than anybody here.

It's an odd feeling to go through 11 years of your own life. Especially when it's from your adult life. You see the bigger picture, you see the progression of where you were standing then and where you're standing now. Pictures, diaries, letters, newspapers, even little notes i was leaving for my boyfriend of the time. Reading these notes i wrote with my own hands so many years ago felt like a total intrusion into someone's intimacy. It felt like i was violating someone's secret memories. It even made me feel so uncomfortable i stop reading and disposed of it. 

I now understand why some people ask complete strangers to do all that sorting for them. You dont have the emotional involvement, it doesnt make old stuff surface and slither back in your life unexpectedly.

I didnt expect to find all this. Nor did i expect to be "affected" by it as i ended up being. I guess it made me grasp the scope of what i'm about to do. It's not really a chapter of my life i'm closing, it's an entire BOOK. And the next one is ready to be started, with a little terrifying detail: it's not written yet.