Another Good Deed

But this time, one that actually made me feel good!

On our way home, right in the middle of the street, i spoted a huge turtle. You already know that i can't stand animal's suffering and imagining that some crazy driver might just drive over her was enough to make me stop.

Emergency lights on, mexican-parked, both doors open, music still on, we rushed to catch the turtle. It's one of those that people get their kids and when they're getting too big, they just throw them in the rivers or the lakes around. Problem is, a turtle gets big. But i mean BIIIIG.

This one must have been swimming in the canals around for quite some time considering the size of it. We put it in a safe place, she slidded in the canal. We waited to watch her swim but she must have stopped under the bridge.

Hopefully, she won't make lunch for a local crocodile ...

Picture posted with permission.

Change of Plans

Or is it change of planes? It's kinda both.

As you all know, i got my plane ticket to go visit my friend in Playa del Carmen. Well, at least, i THOUGHT i had my plane ticket. Return flight PVR-CUN-PVR. One week away from it all. Problem is: i booked it through Mexicana. And guess what? Mexicana just declared itself in bankruptcy and cancelled all their flights.

O_o

From today noon, Mexicana de Aviacion just stopped operating and flying their planes.
Awesome (** heavily loaded sigh **)

Since i had read online that they will be honoring the people who had booked with them (like me) and used other airlines to transfer their clients to their destination, i decided to call them today and ask what was their plan for me, since my vacations and my flight are like, next week. I mean we're talking DAYS.

Out of the hundreds employees Mexicana surely has, oh god, i had a world champion.
I asked him what is that i had to do to get to Cancun with my now cancelled flight. And he said, well, at this point we don't have any partnership with any airlines. What do you mean "at this point"? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? So what am i supposed to do then? I mean i need to get to Cancun. Correction, i MUST get to Cancun. Otherwise i'll probably lose it completely. And guess what he answered?
He said: well you can wait until tomorrow to check if your flight will be re-established.
WHAT?
Are you fucking serious?
What are the freaking ODDS of my flight getting back on the departure board at the airport when the second largest airline company of the country just announced they're bankrupt and that ALL their flights were cancelled UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. I mean do you think i'm stupid? Like we'd say here in Mexico "me ves la cara de pendeja?"

Trying not to lose my calm, and dealing with people like him gives my patience a serious kick in the nuts, i quietly asked him: ok then, what do i have to do to get my refund? (he passed me the website's link) Thanks. How long is it gonna take? He said well, you know, we dont process refunds here, it's another area, it's only online blablabla, bullshit. That's when i lost it. I mean dude, i know the company is done and broke, but people ARE going to ask that question, it's probably going to be THE only question people really want an answer to and you dont have a clue.

It is NOT my fault that your employer is officially bankrupted. It is NOT my fault that my flight has been cancelled. It is NOT my fault that you can't take me from point A to point B with another company. But i have to BUY another plane ticket to go to the place i initially planed to go to and i NEED THE MONEY.

Like NOW.

Dont know how long it'll take. Don't even know if i'll ever see my money back. But one thing is certain. I am going to harass Mexicana EVERY SINGLE DAY between now and the moment they get me my money back. I'm gonna be their salker. And trust me, they'll be sorry if i dont get it back.

On How Bad I Feel After What Was A Good Deed

This morning around noon, as i was coming back home from the bank, i saw what looked like a puppy in a shoe box in front of my house. At noon. In Mexico. Full sun. Full heat. It wasnt moving but the second i approached it to check it, it yapped and moved a bit. Its state was dreadful. It was covered in dirt, blood and who knows what else, had wounds so deep i wonder how it was still alive and wounds so nasty they were full of pus and blood. Poor thing must have been maybe a month old not even. I put it back in the shoe box it had fell from and hopped back in my car direction: VET.

The 3 people who were in the vet saw me entering with a shoe box and they all came close to check it out. Must have been something tiny and cute i was carrying. And that's when i broke into tears. Told the vet what happened, that i had found it in front of my house. It was a baby girl. Naturaly. People here dont want to keep a female dog. Female dog = heat = puppies. And to fix a dog, it can cost quite some money for the average mexican wage.
I have a female dog. She's fixed. Cost me $80 USD. I could have done it for free but i might as well pay to keep the vet going. Moreover, i can afford it.

As i was listening to the vet's recommendations on how to take care of her (and after i turned my head while he was giving her a shot), i noticed that some of the holes wounds she had were very deep and very round. Really seemed like she's been bitten savagely. And then i saw what turned my stomach inside out. Those wounds, the fang-shaped ones, were full of worms. I mean like an ant hill, seething with worms.

I felt sick, ran outside and puked my breakfast. On the sidewalk, in front of the vet's.

It was so hard to get back in.

The vet gave me drops to put in the holes in order to kill the worms. And a soap to wash her. And baby food. And an antibiotic to give her every 12 hours.

And i took her back home. Niki was intrigued yet lost interest in her very quickly. I bathed her and put the drops in her wounds. Fed her. And put her in a basket with some old useless shirts of mine so she could get some rest.
But she was constantly whining and crying and trashing around. So i took her on my lap so she could get some warmth and maybe fall asleep.

That's when i discovered more wormy wounds. She was covered in those. I counted. She had 13 of them. 13 holes full of worms. I put drops in every single one of them and started crying again.

That's when i realized that i couldnt take care of her. I just couldnt. It was beyond my capacity. Human and animal suffering is something i just cant deal with. The injustice of it all. The powerlessness i feel about it. The incompetent and the angry i feel about it. It's overwhelming. And i started crying again. I called my friend, who told me to calm down, to do this and that or if i really thought i couldnt take care of her, then maybe take her to the animal shelter.
I called them as soon as i hang up and i had less than an hour to get there before they close. They are up in the hills on the other side of town, in a place i've never been, with dirt roads and no names on the streets ... I cried the entire way, called them 5 times for directions and finally made it 5 minutes before they close.

Their vet took the puppy and looked at her. He was so soft and kind in his approach i started crying again. Why did i felt i had to justify myself? Why did i felt the need to tell them, i just cant. It's too much for me. My heart aches just to look at her. My hands were shaking so bad when i signed the paper giving her away that the lady at the desk offered me a glass of water.

I dont remember any of my driving back home. And it lasted for around 25 minutes. I was feeling miserable and still am. I know i did the best for that puppy. Then why do i feel that bad? Isnt a good deed supposed to make you feel good? Isnt taking the right decision, or what seemed to be the right decision supposed to make you feel good? Then why doesnt it? Human cruelty goes beyond it all. Who can do such thing? Who can be so heartless as to let a little defenseless being die in the sun. I'm not saying that you had to take care of it. But at least end its suffering. Be humane in your inhumanity. Or maybe it's just me overreacting and being too sensitive?

Everything does happen for a reason. Then wasnt i supposed to take care of that little puppy? Or taking her to the shelter was precisely that? Why cant i feel better now knowing she's in good hands?

The bottle of "violeta" (liquid that supposedly kill worms and stain everything purple) slipped through my wet fingers as i was taking care of her and half of my hand is now purple. Will that be a reminder of my cowardice or a reminder of how i saved that little being's life. You chose.

  

On How I Hate The Noise

One of the main reasons i actually decided to sell my house and get a new one was space. I couldnt take living with people's house stuck to every single side of my tiny little house any more.
Second major reason was noise. When you do have neighbors on every side, expect noise.
Problem is: i HATE noise.

I dont like when people listen to their music so loud my window panes are shaking, can't stand the sound of a TV full volume, cant stand the sound of a TV set actually, hate it when people are talking so freaking loud it seems they're shouting, cant stand a baby screaming its lungs out in a public place or a dog barking its head off endlessly, and the one beyond it all, a so-called DJ shouting in his microphone. I just can't stand that kind of noise. It's EAR POLLUTION.

Today is Saturday. And the noise pollution started at 5pm. Why? Where? One block away from my house, a huge sound system to accompany a soccer game. And a DJ/host who thinks he fucking rules the world, making live comments on a bario's soccer game and putting music that is so freaking old nobody knows it. Gangsta's Paradise? Coolio? I mean seriously. It's 2010. Not 1995 anymore.

Welcome to my hood. I'm fucking hating the world right now. I might shoot someone. Especially since they start playing Waka Waka just because it's football. Damn!



PS: and i'm now stuck with stupid Coolio's song in my head .... "been spending most our lives living in a gangsta's paradise, keep  spending most our lives living in a gangsta's paradise ..."
AAAAAAARGH!!
HELP.




  

Raw Meat & Rice

Raw minced meat and rice. With salt. Nothing else. That's what was on my plate tonight for dinner. And that was the best dinner i've had in a long time. I said it before i love raw meat. But in a restaurant, they are not allowed to serve it that way. It's illegal and most definitely not healthy.

Why did i do it then?

1 - because i like it that way
2 - because i can

Am i gonna get sick? Maybe
Do i care? No
Does it gross you out? Dont eat it then

I'm a carnivorous. Fuck vegetables.

  

I'm Going Man, I'm Fucking Going ...

In 2 more weeks, at this exact minute, i'll be on VACATION. 13.5 months after last year's time off, it's about time. My colleague was off for the past 5 weeks and man, even though we're supposed to be right in the middle of the low season, i've worked more than most of the weeks of high season. Needless to say, i NEED those vacations. I am dead. I am so tired. Inmensely happy yes but incredibly tired as well.

As you might know if you're following that blog, i've had a lot of issues with my car lately so my budget to go on holiday is very thin. But there is no way i'm gonna sit at home and do nothing at all. Hell no. I promised by friend Tim i'd go visit him in Playa del Carmen and i'm gonna do just that. Unfortunately, i'll only go for a week instead of the 3 i was initially planning to but hey, i'm going. And not later than yesterday, i BOUGHT MY PLANE TICKET.

Yes.
Yes.
YES!

I am extremely fortunate to have this amazing friend ready to receive me and taking some time off so i dont spend my vacations alone. I mean how cool is that? He asked me: what do you want to do? I said, i don't really care, as long as i can take my mind off work for a week but no matter how far it is, I WANT TO GO TO CHICHEN ITZA. Hell YEAH. And guess what? I am so going there. I am going to see the pyramids of Chichen Itza. I mean how fucking cool is that? Oh my i'm gonna be like a kid in Disneyland. I'm gonna be a real tourist. I'm gonna do stuff i've never done before. He even told me i might still be in time to go whale shark diving.

OH
MY
GOD

Who gets vacations like this?

Well ...

I do!


  

Tough Life of Mine

I meant to say BRILLIANT life of mine, AWESOME life of mine. I've felt increible for the past few weeks and i know i owe a lot to my boyfriend. Oh yes, i didnt say it before. I got a new boyfriend. It's been a month almost and i dont want to jinx it like it tend to do, so i didnt talk about it. He's the one thanks to whom i'm smiling all the time, thanks to whom i got a great deal of patience back. He makes me feel like the queen of the world, he makes me feel alive. I havent been in a bitchy mood ever since i met him. I've done several random acts of kindness just because i felt i could. Staying an extra hour at work to get a pair of shoes a guest forgot on our boat and bringing them back to their ship, lend my phone to someone who just missed their tour so they can sort out something else instead, taking a very dear friend of mine on the canopy tour tomorrow knowing he's been asking about it for ever, listening to a friend of mine rambling on and on and on about how nauseous she's been feeling and actually managing to cheer her up, convinced a friend of mine to sign up for the "it starts with us" campaign, writing love bombs to all the people that are suggested by the web site with the same name and enjoying the feedback my few lines along with a few hundred other people's can have on someone who truly needs it, giving away 40 growing trees from my property to the greenhouse at work so they can replant them elsewhere ... and the list goes on.

I'm honestly feeling like the luckiest bitch on planet earth right now. I mean i have a job i love, a house i'm crazy for, a pain in the ass dog i love to bits, the opportunity to do tours and excursions most people can only dream of, vacations coming soon, 3 friends who mean the world to me, family members getting back in touch with me after months, if not years, without knowing anything about them, people i admire and whose blogs i'm eagerly following leaving comments on MY blog (never have i felt such a groupie before) and the guy i've been dreaming to have in my life for YEARS now calling me his girlfriend and treating me like the last drop of water in the desert.

I dont believe in luck. I believe that all that i have, i dont have it because i deserve it more than anybody else, i have it because i wanted it. I've never been a pessimistic depressed person, never for long at least, but i didnt think it could be possible to be THIS happy. I dont know if there is a scale for happiness but if there is, i'm shooting through the roof right now. Everything seems to fall into place to make me even more happy day after day. I feel no guilt about it. I feel that i am finally ready to embrace that happiness. I am not gonna sabotage it this time. I am not gonna convince myself it's not normal to be this happy when other people are feeling down or blue or shitty, i'm not gonna feel bad to make them feel better, i can help them feel better with just a few kind words when they least expect it, i'm gonna keep on smiling, cuz when you smile all the time, a lot of people wonder what you're up to but a lot of people smile back. A smile makes you feel good. And feeling good will attract more feeling good feelings. I'm smiling on all my official pictures (driving license, FM3, passport, badges ...) - they always tell me dont smile and i just can't. I'm gonna hug my friends whenever i can and even better, whenever i feel like it. Cuz there's not quite anything like a good hug to lift your spirits.

All of that vomiting of happiness to tell everybody who's reading this blog that you too can feel that way. You too can have it all. You just need to want it hard enough. Don't believe beauty is only for other people, that happiness is only for other people, that luck is only for other people. All of that is for you. If you're keen enough on taking it. It's there. Just open your heart.

And remember ...
Happiness is a way of travel ... not a destination.


  

Just Saying

Can You Hear Me?

2010, 21st century, century of all medias. Everybody i know has a cell phone. Or two. But i mean i dont know of anybody who doesnt own a cell phone. I personally have 2, one for work that i use all the time and a crapy super cheap one that i dont use anymore but still, i have it here. And as far as i'm concerned, it still works (if i put credit in it that is). My cell phone is actually one of the few things i NEVER leave my house without, along with my badge from work, my wallet, my sunglasses and my keys. If i dont have it with me, i feel naked.
Now how pathetic is that?
How sold to consumerism am i?
How did people live 20 years ago?
Well.
Probably better than what we do now.

But this is not the topic here.

Across the street from my house, there is a construction site. I am not going to comment on the fact that they are building a mental institute in front of my house. I am not cuz being the person i am, seeing signs everywhere, you know where that'd lead me. Let's say they're building a medical center and obviously, there are quite a few workers onsite.
Well this morning, i was having breakfast and someone just parked outside my wall and was talking on the phone. On his cell phone. Talking is not, however, the appropriate word to mention that conversation of his. The guy was SHOUTING his lungs out in the phone. Not shouting scowling, no, shouting talking. It was a normal conversation, a happy one even since he was laughing as well, but he was shouting it. In his cell phone.
Sir, with all due respect, it is a PHONE. Cellular phones, public phones and any phone you can think of work the same: you talk and the person you're calling hears you. Like if you were standing in front of him. It doesnt matter if your correspondant is a mile away or on the other side of the world, he can hear you fine. Most of the time anyway.
Why is that people feel the necessity to scream in their cell phone instead of talking? Don't they now how it works? I mean it's 2010. Phones have been around for a while now. Even my grand-mother knew how to use it. And even though she was not shouting in the handset, she was always surprised that i could call her from Mexico and that she could hear me "like if i were in front of her" (sic). Oh, grandma.

So yeah. I'm telling all those people hanging around with their cell phone. Yes, i know you think you're cool cuz you have a cell phone on which you actually receive calls on. But cell or not, it is still a phone and there is no need to shout:
a) cuz there's really no need to
b) cuz i dont give a fucking fuck what you're telling whoever you're telling it to. And i dont think anybody around cares either.

Now, use your nextel radio/phone full volume next to me and i might shoot you in the eye.
Really.


 

Me and ... My Unusual Dreams

What i'm going to write next is most likely gonna make no sense at all for most of you or maybe make you believe i have completely lost it (which is not entirely false true). Dreams are (quote from Wikipedia) a succession of images, sounds or emotions which the mind experiences during sleep. The content and purpose of dreams are not fully understood, though they have been a topic of speculation and interest throughout recorded history.

For me, most of my dreams are extremely precised and they feel so freaking real it's creepy. To the question that i know you're gonna ask regarding what language i dream in (and this is so not the topic here), i'll answer that it depends who i dream of (if it's my parents, or friends from France, it'll be in french, if it's colleagues from work i speak english to, it'll be in english and same for spanish ... But as i said, it's not relevant to the subject here).

I realized recently that i tend to remember my nightmares more than my actual pleasant dreams. Maybe because they're more intense, maybe because the pleasant dreams, i dream them awake all the time.
Well last night, i had one of those bad dreams. I wouldnt go so far as to call it nightmare because i havent had real nightmares in a long time. OK, no, i've just got one last night, it was a nightmare and it was the same nightmare i'm always having. I mean WHO does have the same nightmare over and over? Am i the only one? Cuz i'm having the same nightmare since as far as i can remember. It's always the same. Except that this time, last night, no giraffe was involved. Yeah i know. In my childhood nightmare, there is always a giraffe and an elephant chasing me. And i always end up in a cupboard-sized room, with melting walls, and the entrance of the room slowly closing itself like elevator's doors, and the room getting bigger and me getting smaller and the giraffe and the elephant getting their neck and trunk stuck in the closed door. And that's when i generally wake up soaked in sweat screaming my lungs out.
I've had that very same nightmare for YEARS. This is actually the only nightmare i have. I dont have any others. It's just this one.

Last night, it was a bit different. But there is always this concept of unreachable and powerlessness.

Last night, it was HOT. I mean really, really hot. And sleeping without an AC, in Mexico, in August, it's like not happening. Not for me at least. So i was trashing in bed, sweating like a pig, not comfortable in any position. And that, for me, especially when i'm really tired, is like "open house" for disturbing creepy dreams to get in my head. Cuz i'm half asleep and half awake at the same time. My mind drifts aside, i know it's a dream but it also feels so real my brain gets confused (yes, more than what it already is) and that's when things get extremely creepy. And i suddenly wake up soaked in sweat, with my heart pumping like crazy and with this unbelievable feeling of anxiety. What i dreamt of last night was very similar to the giraffe dream. Except that no giraffe was involved this time. I was drowning INSIDE the bed. Like if the sheets and the mattress were quicksands. And i was trying to grab something away from me in order not to sink in the bed but it was just unreachable. You know, just like when you're at the movie and you're watching it in 3D and stuff from the screen are coming at you and you try to grab them and catch them but they always seem to be an extra inch away. Well like that.
So picture yourself drowning in your bed, seeing your salvation but knowing you're not gonna make it.

I woke up 3 times. All 3 times drenched in sweat, heart pumping and freaked out big time. Because all 3 times were exactly for the same reason. Every time i was finally falling asleep, i was literally FALLING asleep. Back in the sinking bed again, and again, and again.

Maybe i shouldnt watch movies like The Matrix before i go to bed ... It gives my brain waaaay too many tools to stray in the maze of my sleepless nights.

It's The Happiness Again ...