Painfully In Love

I know the title doesn't sound too good but i couldn't find any other expression to describe the feelings. I swore to myself i wouldn't brag about my feelings on Facebook, nor will i bother my friends (real and virtual) with pictures and videos of the kids i might have one day. I think it's annoying to a point i'll block you if you do that. True story. It happened to a friend of mine (whom i don't think he knows why we're not friends on FB any longer). Every 2 hours, he was bragging about his love for his girlfriend (who became his wife eventually) and she was bragging back and it was a constant incessant vomit of PDA. For the entire virtual world to see. And it bothered me. I mean they're both people i consider friends in real life but i don't need them to convince me they love each other. She loves you, you love her, good for you, now let's do something more interesting with your life. Who are you trying to convince? Me? Yourself?

OSH. So it's very rare i actually brag about having the most amazing boyfriend on planet earth even if i believe i do.

Having the opportunity to write whatever i want on this blog is the opportunity for me to brag about my love for Dear Beloved. End of it all, if you're reading these lines, it's because you want to, not because they're in your face on your FB's wall. 

I've thought about writing this post for some time now. I just never found the moment to do so. But today is the day. 

This is a post for my boyfriend, for Dear Beloved as i call him within these pages, for you Babe. 

We've been together for just under a year and a half now. It's not a lot but it's still long enough to make it count. We got together against all odds and made it last against all odds too. You're very different to the type of guys I've dated in the past. You're not the kind of man i would have noticed at first, or i would have hit on, but this is most likely what made it, what made "us" work.

In my previous relationships, even the ones that have last for years, I've always found the flaw that would break us eventually. 

Every

Single

Time

This little something you know someday, you wont be able to look pass it anymore. That little irritating thing he's doing, that way he has to say something, his way of life, his youth, his education, whatever it is, you know it's there. You know you don't like it and you know that one day, it will irritate the hell out of you. In my case, i know about it, work hard on putting it aside thinking my intuition might be wrong this time, this will not break us up, i will get used to it, i will like it eventually, and all the crap you can put yourself in your own head to convince yourself you didn't make a mistake.

IT
DOESN'T
WORK

Not for me anyway. But maybe because i'm a crazy impulsive head who tends to say "sod it, fuck it all, i'm outta here" easily. Or maybe it's because i can only take crap for so long. Love is blind and it makes you do stuff you wouldn't normally do but if you're down miserable, why the flying fuck do you stay??

Well the situation here is new. 

I haven't found that thing in Dear Beloved. I just cant find the flaw. I'm sure he has plenty but none of them has triggered that "get the hell out of here now" bell. And that kinda bell generally starts ringing pretty early in the relationship. Not 1.5 yrs later.

So why the negative title? Because i cant describe it any other way. When i look at him, i feel so much love it kinda hurt my guts. It's love beyond words. It's Love with a capital L. It's THE person you want to meet in your life, he's the one who makes you feel alive, who makes you feel beautiful and loved, he who means the world to you. The person you think about every single second of the day. He's that person you feel your heart crumbling down a little when you say goodbye in the morning while departing to work, that person you miss like crazy when he's late from work or out with friends. That person you feel you can never give enough to make it up to your feelings and the fact that he's part of your life.

He's all that.

And more.

So much more.

I didn't even know it was possible to love that much. So much that there'll never be enough words or for sure, not the right ones to honor it and do the feeling justice. It's so gigantic my heart might explode! Since that'd be pretty messy, i'll leave you with this Nat King Cole sing that sums it all up nicely:

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore can


Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you


L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very, very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore can


Love is all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart and please don't break it
Love was made for me and you
Love was made for me and you
Love was made for me and you

 I love you Roberto!