What The Heck Was I THINKING?

A little over 4 weeks. This is the time i have to train for that half marathon I've signed up for. Less than 2 weeks away from it now, i'm really start to wonder what was i thinking when i said i was in. I mean seriously?

I hate running, i'm exhausted, not a single muscle of my body doesn't hurt and I've gained 4 kilos in 2 weeks. Talking about motivation :(

I only run half hour every morning. And to be honest, i'm actually surprise I've been that good at keeping it up. The motivation i mean. Getting out of bed at 6am is the worse. If i were to listen to myself, i wouldn't step out and stay in bed for an extra hour. But i want to do this. And i want it bad. I want to prove Dear Beloved that i'm gonna finish that shit, and more important, prove myself i can do it. If i set my mind to it, i can do it. And my mind has been set on the finishing line for as long as i remember. 

I run 30 minutes a day, every day of the week. And i still bike to work every day. 20 minutes to get there, 20 minutes to come back.

The running is hard for me cuz I've never run before. Until now, I've never managed to breathe efficiently enough to keep going. I was out of breath in no time, drowning with no air. But i found my rhythm and i'm using my inhaler before the run and it's been going great. It's my body that's screaming like crazy. It's my legs that cant seem to take it. I'm not even out of breath when i make it back home. But my legs are shaking like leaves in the wind, i can barely stand and it's a bit scary. But damn, it feels good.

While i was away on my trip last week, i still managed to run every morning. And for the first time in my life, i actually experienced lactic acids and i puked. It was liberating. It was like reaching the physical limits of your body but still telling it: screw you, i'm doing this whether you want it or not. 

And this has been my motivation. Where i run in the morning, it goes uphill. It's awful, it's painful and i feel like i'm dying a little inside. In 2 weeks, at this exact time of the day, i'll be home, back from that half marathon that i'll have finished just a few hours prior.

I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna show them all who the bloody hell i am.

I'm gonna do it because i want to.

I'm gonna do it because i can.