I Get Knocked Down

But I get up again, you're never gonna keep me down ...

Ah ah ah, pretty sure you got that song stuck in your head now. It happened to me. To get knocked down and to get that song stuck in my head in the aftermaths.

I gave up on karate classes at the end of May. I was pregnant and didn't want to risk getting hurt or hurt the baby. And since i went on a maternity leave a whole 3 months earlier than expected, needless to say i didn't do much physical efforts at all. 

When my OB/GYN told me i could start practicing again, weeeee, I was so excited. Waited until after the Christmas holidays and went back on the tatamis. 

I felt stiff with very contracted movements but enjoyed being back in action.

I'm not a very good karateka, I'm just green belt (without any practice in 9 months). So i was a bit nervous to have to play pretend in a fight with a brown belt. The guy is nice and he's obviously a lot better than i am but i knew he wouldn't be an ass and try to voluntarily hurt me. 

Since he's also a lot taller than i am, he swept me a few times with indecent ease. Except that on the last "fight", i got knocked out. And no, i didn't get up again. I didn't even hit my head, it was my hip that hit the floor and i was K.O.

My eyes filled up with tears instantly. Not from the pain but from a rage that crept from inside me at the speed of light. I couldn't get up or speak. I could see and hear what was going on around me but i was unable to function. It's an extremely frustrating feeling. I was short of breath and i was angry. I was so freaking angry I could barely keep the tears from rolling down my cheeks.

That's when i knew i could never have been an athlete. I can't handle losing, i can't control myself, i can't keep a clear mind of what's going on, rage blinds me. It's terrible.

And it's kinda scary as well. To be KO i mean. It's that weird feeling that you have zero control over what's going on. You can't talk, can't breathe well. You can't handle yourself basically.

Bruno has been in the martial arts for over 20 years and he knew what to do to make me get my shit and mind together again. But he mentioned something i thought was interesting. In boxing, when someone gets knocked out easily (even if he/she doesn't get hit in the head or face), they're called "tender". So yeah, I'm tender. Just because, apparently, my brain is not glued to my skull, it's easy to knock me down. 

Good thing I'm not planning on taking over the world with my karate moves!

hihihi, you can hate me now!