If WW1 Happened 100 Years Later

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time online. And by a lot, i mean, A LOOOOT. Not working is driving me crazy but let's not talk about this, it might depress me a little. As everything else in this life, the Internet has some good stuff and some terrible stuff. And today, i ran into something that made me smile but also made me happy. 

Well, "happy" might not quite be the right word. Let me try to explain. 

Back in the days, when i was in secondary and high school, we had History classes in which, apart from the French Revolution that i hated so much to learn about (so many dates, so many names, so many places to remember), we learnt about the 20th century. And above it all, World War 1, the Russian Revolution, the Great Depression, the New Deal, World War 2 and we pretty much stopped there, in the 1950s. Out of all these life changing events that happened in Europe (and the world), my favorite era was WW2. Probably because both of my grand-fathers had fought in it. I was fascinated by it all. And i really wished i had the opportunity (or maybe should i say, the guts) to ask my grand-dad to talk about it and tell me his story (one of my grand-fathers died when i was only 8 years old so couldn't really ask him). He had mentioned it several times, telling anecdotes and stuff but nothing really heavy and i'm only realizing now how much stories and how much History has gone with him :(

So when i found out that the "Musée de la Grande Guerre du pays de Meaux" thought about narrating WW1 through the eyes of a "Poilu" (French WW1 soldier) named Léon Vivien updating his status on Facebook, i thought that was a brilliant idea. The First World War took more than 10 millions lives. TEN MILLIONS. It's a conflict that lasted for 4 years. The last veteran died in May 2011 at the ripe age of 110. So who's there to tell us, descendants, about it all? I understand it's a war. For some, it's just a war a century ago. But my great-grand-parents lived it, my grand-parents were born during or right after it and whether i want it or not, it's part of my history too.

Leon's page is very well done. Obviously, an actual soldier wouldn't be able to update his status like he virtually does on FB but what a great way or learning more about a part of our past, using today's social media's platforms. He's posting pictures (real 1915 pictures), songs that were "hits" back in the days, his wife is pregnant and worried obviously, she comments on his posts sometimes, just like his fellow-soldiers and friends. 

I'm his friend now. So i can get updates on his every day life on the battlefields. Modern days wars are probably a million light years away from what it used to be a century ago but projects like this make it more real, especially for people like me who don't have friends or relatives in the military. Well, i do, and plenty. But none of them are on the firing line. 

I really hope he's gonna make it. 

I'm In Pain

Apart from the fact that I've been exercising like crazy lately in order to get a killer body i might be able to brag about some day, i'm also currently in another dimension of pain: emotional pain. And the worse part of it is that it's not because of something that has happened to me, it's because of something a very close friend is going through. 

Out of respect for him, i will not explain what's the matter with him and his life. But he's about to hit rock bottom and there is not much i can do for him unless he allows me in. I wrote him this long and maybe a bit harsh email explaining him the way i felt about it all. I told him things he probably didn't want to hear but I've always believed the truth is better to a lie and more than often, a true friend is gonna be that one person who dares to hurt your feelings for you to hear what you need to hear, and not just what you want to.

As i told him, i believe real friendship is like holy matrimony, for better or worse, in sickness and in health and that is truly the way i feel for him. I don't care what he's done or might be doing, don't care if he's healthy or sick, wealthy or poor. I don't care either if i'm the only one standing by his side in front of a million people. What i care for is him. 

But about it all, i really truly hope that he knows all this. That no matter what, i'll be there for him. Now, and always. 

It's in times of sorrow and despair that you see who your true friends are. I don't want to be that person who's only there when it's all nice and good. This is just not who i am. 

I've always been good at being insensitive and somehow detached of human's emotions hence being rather gifted at cheering people up in that objective and rational way. If you're looking for a comfort blanket, i'm definitely not the right friend for you. But if you want a person who's not afraid to maybe hurt your feelings with the truth, then you've come to the right person.

I never meant to hurt him and if i did, i'll be sorry for quite some time. But what bothers me is that his pain, his frustration, his anger and his despair are hurting me too. I feel them like they were my own. I don't think I've ever felt this way before. This new person i'm becoming is wreaking havoc in me. I'm not used to this. 

So until i know how to manage all this, i just hope he'll reach out to me. I'm just offering a helping hand. And all that my heart has to offer.

Earth Hour

Every year, at the end of March and since 2007, it's Earth Hour. It's a movement that started in Sydney Australia and now followed by many countries and cities that encourages people to turn off all their essential lights during one hour. To give the Earth a break. Turning off the lights to turn on the night. 

I don't think many people here where i currently live are doing it. I believe environment and ideologies like this are people's last worry, or concern. They just don't care. Not about these things anyway. 

I've done it every year since I've found out about it. I'm doing it right this second as well. My laptop screen is the only light i have on in my house, that and a tiny piece of candle i found  that i normally leave outside. I even unscrewed a photosensitive light i have outside so i can have every single one of my lights actually turned off.

I know it's symbolical, i know it wont save the world. But in the end, it's a way to realize the impact of what each of us is doing to the planet. It's one hour only. And if everybody was doing it, it could change the world for real. After all, the oceans are made of many, many drops. 

I enjoy events like this. 

I Don't Know How

I don't know how to say it. I don't know how to express the loneliness i feel in my heart. And in my soul. I feel so lonely i could cry. And since i don't have the strength to elaborate a little more, i'll let a picture says it all for me.

THIS ... Is What I Want

I want that body, with maybe a tad more flesh since i believe she's too skinny to my liking but hey, i'd settle with that anyway ;)

And you know what the best part of it is?

I'll get it.

I give myself 3 months for this. 3 months and a week. Right on time for the Monsters Race at the beginning of June. 

I've taken some before pictures (so what i look like now) and i'll take some more after a month, after 2 months and then at the end and i'll show them off here!

Ultimately, whenever i find the drive or the perfect fit sport-wise for me, i'm aiming at this:

Don't wish me luck. I know what i want. I know how to get it. And it's called work. 
And just like a sign i saw was stating: 

"Nobody cares about your excuses. Nobody pities you for procrastinating. Nobody is gonna cuddle you because you're lazy. 
It's YOUR ASS. 
YOU move it".

Catherapy

I don't think the word exists but it doesn't really matter, i invented it and i think it fits. 

The other day, i was reading an article about cats and i was amazed to learn that of all mammals, cats heal 3 times faster than any other. Which means that if you take for example, a horse, a human being and a cat, all 3 of them with a broken leg, well the cat is gonna be up and running 3 times faster than the other 2. And why is that? Because cats PURR.

After digging it a little more, i found out that cats purring is on a frequency range that improve bone density and promote healing. So cats don't only purr when they're happy. They actually purr more when in a stressful environment, or when they're hurt. To heal themselves. Or soothe themselves.

In that same article was a mention of therapy cats and how some Asian folks have set some cat therapy clinics to help patients combat a variety of physical illnesses, as well as anxiety disorders, depression, loneliness and developmental disabilities.

A few days ago, i wasn't well at all. I was crying non-stop and had anxiety attacks. My shrink told me that it will happen from time to time and that it is part of the mourning process but that doesn't make it any less damaging. Especially when you're alone. 

But as i did with my insomnia problem, i refuse to let depression take over my life, i refuse to let  that loss rule my world and a friend of mine i had talked about that catherapy reminded me of it. He told me: you have 3 cats at your entire disposal, use them, cuddle them, lay down with them and let them help you mend the pieces of your broken heart and fill at least some of the void in your soul.

And i did.

And it worked.

Funnily enough, every time i have felt down, my 3 cats have been more cuddly and they all come on my bed at night (before that, it was only when it was cold, and most of the time, only in the morning, when the alarm had just rang to make me understand it was high time to feed them). It's amazing the wonders a purring cat can do. It's soothing to a point you don't want to cry anymore. It's comforting to a point you don't feel that pain piercing you anymore.

My cats are the best. And i'm sure they're not done helping me going through this all.

 Yeti is the best "healer"

Nina is the best "cuddler"

My other cat Psycha, doesnt care for healing or cuddling. She just want to be fed :P

My Cats Dont Care About Health

As some of you might remember, pretty much a year ago, ex-Dear Beloved and i switched the diet of all of our 5 pets (2 dogs and 3 cats) to the BARF diet. It was healthier and way more natural than kibbles and canned food and i'd say all our pets changed to that menu pretty easily.

It's been a year now and as you also know, i'm moving back to France next month and i know that for a while at least, my cats will be back to eat kibbles. I know, i know, shame on me. I'm not too happy about it either to be honest but you cant put fresh meat in their cage for the trip and i dont know if i'll have a fish shop close by or a butcher close by when i'm in France and even if i do, they wont taste the same. They're already gonna have to adapt to the new weather (which is going to be as drastic a change as it will be for me) i dont want them to have to adapt to new food as well. Not just yet anyway.

So earlier this week, i went to the supermarket, got them a bag of kibbles and damn them, you should have seen their reaction. The second i plunged a cup in the bag, all 3 of them came rushing from wherever they were and sat in front of their bowl.

I havent seen them eating that enthusiastically for quite a while to be honest. And the first thing i thought was, well, there you go for the healthy diet, they couldnt care less, they want kibbles. Screw fresh meat, screw everything bloody you put in our plate before, WE WANT KIBBLES.

Hopefully, Yeti will start putting on some weight. He's so skinny he's the one i worry about the most for the big trip to France.

But anyways, i'll keep you all posted about the trip back to France. I believe there are going to be countless of anectodes and crazy stuff happening in between now and then, both for my cats and for myself. It would be a shame not to share them all :)

PS: the picture is a couple of years old but from left to right: Psycha, Yeti and Nina (when we just got her)

Happy Valentine Day ... to ME

I believe i've said it before but i'll repeat it again, just to make sure. I dont like Valentine's day. I think it's cheesy, i think it kills the entire concept of love and more to the point, i think it's commercial.

I'm not saying this because i'm single and without a Valentine. I've always felt that way. I think if you love someone, you dont need a day that the calendar imposes you to let him/her know about it. If you love someone, you show him/her every single day that passes. Why do you need to be the 14th of February to take him to dinner, or give him chocolates, or a present or whatever. There are 365 days in a year and you should make the best of them ALL.

Here in Mexico, Valentine's day is not only the day for lovers it's also the day for friends. It's the day of love and friendship. How about that? I like that better. In a way. That's a commercial way-out for single people to still spend money on gifts for friends instead of spending it on a lover. But i also like the concept since nobody is left out in the celebration. There is always someone who's gonna wish you the best and show you their love and support and it feels nice.

Today, since i'm single, i decided to do not-fun stuff by going to the bank. When i got there, my adviser wasnt there and nobody else was available so i thought, well, not meant to do this today then. Since i was there, i decided to go sit on the beach and watch the ocean. Something i havent done in so long i dont even remember the last time i actually did it. You never do stuff like that when you can - cuz it's right there. I'm sure i'll miss it like crazy when i'm gone but that's another story. 

It's when i stepped on the beach that i realized i was on the exact same spot i came to the first time i set foot on a beach here in Puerto Vallarta, some 11 years ago. Talking about closing chapters. I've always believed everything happens for a reason and me ending up there today was no coincidence. I was meant to be there, especifically to close chapters. Just like i did yesterday with all these old memories of my life here. 

The moment was quiet and beautiful. I topped it up with a massage that left me amazingly mellow and relaxed. I'm gonna go take a nap now. The only thing that could make this day even better than it is already, is my neighbor coming tonight with his friend telling me he's buying the house. I've already put a bottle of champagne in the fridge for the celebration!

Down Memory Lane

Since i now have all the time in the world but still need to start preparing my moving back to France, today, i decided to go through all the books i have on my book shelves. All the books and everything that has been sitting there for ever and gathering dust. And dear lord do i own stuff. It is amazing how much crap you're accumulating over the years and somehow, all that crap got carried from one place to another, one house to another over the past 11 years i've been to Mexico.

So today, i went through every single book i own and put aside the ones i want to take back home with me. The rest, i made 2 piles: the french books on one side, and the not in french books on the other side. And i'll give them all away (the ones i dont want of course).

As i was getting closer to the bottom of my shelf, i started to find bags of old pictures and old diaries of mine. Stuff so old it was from the time BEFORE i arrived to Mexico. This is some shit that is at least 11 years old. And i'm still carrying that around?

So i grabbed a gigantic garbage bag and started to review every single pictures i found. Seriously, there are some pictures of people i dont even recognize. Places i dont remember going to. And some of me, oh dear god, i wish i'd never seen. That's the problem when you see something. You can't un-see it. 

So i started tossing. And i actually tossed a LOT. Strangely, it was a mixed feeling to do this. A mixed feeling between nostalgia and detachment.

Nostalgia of a time that was and never will be again. About the people i was hanging out with then that i've lost touch with. About the places i had visited and seen that one time. About the person i was then.

But at the same time, i felt detached of all these things. Just like it wasnt part of me anymore. Just like if it was the pictures and the memories of someone else. That's actually the way it's been feeling lately. That this life i'm in right now doesnt belong to me anymore. That my time in Mexico has come to an end. In my head, i'm already gone. I now feel closer to the people in France (most of whom i only know virtually) than anybody here.

It's an odd feeling to go through 11 years of your own life. Especially when it's from your adult life. You see the bigger picture, you see the progression of where you were standing then and where you're standing now. Pictures, diaries, letters, newspapers, even little notes i was leaving for my boyfriend of the time. Reading these notes i wrote with my own hands so many years ago felt like a total intrusion into someone's intimacy. It felt like i was violating someone's secret memories. It even made me feel so uncomfortable i stop reading and disposed of it. 

I now understand why some people ask complete strangers to do all that sorting for them. You dont have the emotional involvement, it doesnt make old stuff surface and slither back in your life unexpectedly.

I didnt expect to find all this. Nor did i expect to be "affected" by it as i ended up being. I guess it made me grasp the scope of what i'm about to do. It's not really a chapter of my life i'm closing, it's an entire BOOK. And the next one is ready to be started, with a little terrifying detail: it's not written yet.

It's Your Birthday

I really wish i could stop talking about it, about you. But today is your birthday and how couldnt i? So this is the letter i was meaning to write you some time ago but didnt find the strength to.

You were, are and forever will be my little baby brother. I remember when people were asking me, oh, you have a younger brother, how old is he? And i always had to think twice before answering cuz for me, you were still that little boy i was riding with back from school. We've always got along but the older we were getting, the better it was. 

I remember the bond we had when we were playing together, or watching stupid tv shows before doing our homework. It was the bond of brotherhood. And quite frankly, there isnt anything better in life.

As the years went by, i moved away from France and watched you from afar, struggling to make a living out of your passion but not doubting a single second this was what you wanted to do and where you wanted to be in your life. I knew you werent having it easy but every single time we saw each other over the past 13 years i've been away, it was like we were both living the life of our dreams, careless, carefree, having a ball and laughing our eyes out at eachother's stupid jokes.

And then the unspeakable happened. All of the sudden, i was caught in YOUR world and realized, in complete awe, how much bigger you were than all of us. What you managed to create from your tiny appartment, wow, i dont even know where to start. You succeeded in gathering hundreds of people and making them become this big family that has now lost their leader. You were admired and respected by people much older than you were, much more experienced than you were and yet, still managed to stay the reserved, humble, down to earth person i was lucky to grow up with.

Words cant even start to express how proud i am of you. How unbelievably proud i am of what you did with your life, of how many people you've inspired and somehow influenced for many years to come. You truly became a hero that so many admired, me included.

You've taught showed us that no dream is too big, that nobody is too small and that determination and faith go more than a long way. 

I wish i had had the chance to tell you this. I wish i could have held you in my arms to tell you how proud i've always been of you, tell you how much i love you and how much i thought of you all the time.

You're gone now. I miss you like i didnt even think it was possible to miss someone. It's like i have this massive hole in my heart that nobody can ever fill up completely. I think about you all the time, about all the things we still had to share, all the things we still had to talk about or laugh about, all the thing that you had to teach me and maybe also, the things i had to teach you.

I hope, wherever you are now, that you know how much we miss you. Life will never be the same again. They say you're in a better place. Well, better or not, this place here is a lot worse without you. But life aint always fair. And with you gone, it sometimes feels like the sparkle in my humble life will never glitter again.

Happy 33rd birthday lil'bro.

Love you ... now and always.

Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring - quite often the hard way.  ~Pamela Dugdale

Asshole

Tonight, and for a change, i listened to my mom's advice and made an appointment with an homeopath. Why? Because as i said in an earlier post, my brain is like a flat tire, it's exhausted and i badly NEED to be on top of my game for everything that is awaiting me. AND, to try to get some sleep cuz 5hrs a night is definitely not enough. Call it stress, depression, mourning, or plain exhaustion, bottom line is i'm suffering from insomnia, it's been going on for a couple of weeks now and it's bothering the hell out of me. 

And i refuse to take sleeping pills. Mostly because i'm allergic to one too many things already but also because i know myself and i'd get addicted to it in no time. 

When i told that to my shrink, she was enthusiastic about the idea and recommended me the best homeopath in town, bragging about how good he was and everything. So i called and got an appointment for the same day, today.

After i gave him the usual info regarding my little self, and told him a bit the reason why i was there, he stood up to check my eyes (apparently you can tell a lot about someone from the iris and i think that is creepy as hell).

And then he started what felt like lecturing me, about being selfish when we lose someone or something, about keeping all my love for myself without passing it on to a child, that it's wrong to keep it inside and not share it and even comparing losing a brother to losing a bag.

HOW THE FLYING FUCK IS LOSING A BAG REMOTEDLY CLOSE TO LOSING A BROTHER??? AND WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS TO TELL ME I DONT GIVE MY LOVE AND PASSION TO ANYBODY? HOW THE FUCK DOES HE KNOW WHAT I DO AND DONT DO? HOW DARE HE ASSUME I'M KEEPING IT ALL IN? WHY IS HE INSINUATING I NEED TO HURRY UP TO HAVE A BABY? WHAT IF I DONT WANT ONE? AND WHY THE HECK DOES HE TALK TO ME SAYING "WE"? I DONT KNOW YOU, WE'RE NOT "WE" AND I'M NOT "WE" EITHER! 

I answered back to him a few times in a pretty snappy way and i believe he sensed that i was about to stand up and punch him the face. And when i WAS actually going to just get the hell outta there, he gave me a prescription for some homeopathic meds and told me to come back in a week to check if the treatment had had some effects already and then again in 3 months before i leave so he can give me another treatment if needed be.

I am NEVER going back to see that man. 

What a complete ARSE.

I hate him.

I was so angry when i stepped out of his practise i almost puked. And he's supposed to make me feel better? I hope his meds work better than his human skills.

ASSHOLE.

I'm Breaking Free

I have a lot going on. And by a lot, i mean A LOT. I actually need to follow my shrink advice and make a to-do list of all the loose ends that need to be tie up.

I havent been doing great lately and i really feel like my brain is about to implode. Actually, my doctor said that it's a normal "feeling" and that's generally the first signs of something more serious called depression: your brain is exhausted.

What do you have? I have brain exhaustion. LOL.

I shouldnt laugh, it really isnt funny. But i have this mental image of a brain looking like a cartoon flat tire... 

Anywaysssss.

So here i was, this morning over breakfast, doing the usual, harvesting and planting shit in my farm when it kinda hit me in the face: I AM ADDICTED TO FARMVILLE. And that bloody addiction is taking a tremendous chunk off of my free time hence diverting me from my need to be done. 

And trust me, when you're about to move back to your home country after 11 years abroad, a lot need to be done. Especially when you realize that almost half of January is already gone and that there are only 3 months left. And i thought it'd take forever. If i'm not more careful, by the time i'll wake up tomorrow we'll be in April already and none of what needs to be done will be.

So today, i took the time to advice my FV friends that i wouldnt be playing anymore. I've been an avid player for about 2 years now and i've met some amazing people thanks to it. They know who they are (wink wink). And when i made it back home, i cleaned up everything on each of my 8 farms, sent gifts to my friends, changed the set up on my newsfeed so i dont get any more FV notifications and BLOCKED the app. O_o

It's been 10 minutes. It feels weird. But a nice kinda weird. It feels like i'm breaking free from something that ceased to be fun and had started to control my life and my free time. I'm becoming the owner of my life again. How cool is that? 

It's Official

Since i have sent that letter to my boss, the news is now official: 

I AM MOVING BACK TO FRANCE.

I know it might comes as a surprise for some of you, especially after such a long time abroad, but sometimes, life gets in the way of the best set plans.

As most of you know already, last September, i lost my one and only brother Antoine in a motorcycling accident. Needless to say it's been an emotional roller-coaster over the past few months. Some days are ok, some days are plain awful. And even though i know time heals pretty much everything, i personnally think that time is not working fast enough.

The idea of going back has come to my mind pretty much since the second my cousin took me back to the airport, as i waived my parents goodbye. My parents, in tears, on the sidewalk in front of my brother's appartment. Hadnt i had a house and a boyfriend in Mexico at the time, i wouldnt have hesitated a single second. Cuz at that particular moment, the only question that was going through my mind was: what the heck am i doing?

I should have stayed. 

Then things went sour with now ex-Dear Beloved, and Christmas came, and NY celebration came and the more i thought about it the more it made perfect sense. 

I mentioned it to my parents at the end of November but i dont think they realized i already made the decision of moving back. And that is was a decision i made a long time ago. I want need to be closer to my parents. I need to be there for them probably as much as i need them to be there for me. We're in this together. And will always be.

I am not leaving tomorrow. I have a lot to take care of here before i event think about moving back, selling my house being quite a big one! But i'm planning on moving back at the end of April, early May at the latest. May 5th being kind of a deadline date for me since it'd be the 11th anniversary of my life in Mexico.

11 YEARS. It's a lifetime almost. It hasnt been always easy, but i've got to do incredible stuff, and meet amazing people that i will keep in my heart for many years to come. Thank god for today's technologies to stay in touch easily.

I'm about to close a big chapter of my life. I'm not turning a page, i'm closing a book and about to start a new one. I'll be a foreigner in my own country. It will be a massive cultural shock all over again. I'll need a job. I'll need a home. I'll need to make friends. I'll need to get use to the money. I'll need to re-adjust to what  living in Europe is. And i'll most likely blog all about it!

Meanwhile, i'll try to enjoy my remaining time here, as well as the people who had become my family away from home.

I'll miss you all, some more than others.

Until we meet again...

I Dont Want To Cry Anymore

This is it. 2012 is finally coming to an end and honestly, i'm eagerly waiting for that new promising year to begin. Not because my life is going to change dramatically over the next hours but because i want this celebration and greetings and best wishes times to be over.

Tonight, i wont be celebrating. And there are a few reasons behind it. The first one, and i think that is one pretty good reason to be honest, is that i'm sick. And my doctor this afternoon was adament: i urgently need to rest. If he could tell that to my boss, i'd appreciate by the way ;)

It's nothing serious, i just got a sore throat but i'm also on the verge of exhaustion and i badly need to just chillax.

The second reason, and i believe it is a pretty damn good second reason as well, is that i am in no mood for a let's-pretend-i'm-having-fun celebration when i'm crumbling down inside.

I miss my brother so freaking bad. It was already hard over Christmas, especially when i talked to my parents, who received the photo album i made for them with the help and participation of dozens of my brother's friends, it's now even worse for new year. 

Why?

Cuz everybody is wishing me the best for 2013, hoping i wont have to go through such a traumatic experience again, cuz all his friends (some of them have become mine now) are mentioning him somehow when it comes to talk about what 2012 brought them (or took them in that case) and cuz whether i want it or not, until it'll be a year, we'll all have to go through experiencing our first everything without him.

It's been 4 months. How much longer will it hurt? How much longer is it gonna take for the pain to go away? How much longer will i cry for? How much more tears do i have? When will i stop missing you this much? Why did you have to go? What is the bigger plan behind all this? Is there even a bigger plan? Are you trying to tell me something?

Light my way lil'bro.

Light my way.

To a better 2013.

But please, i dont want to cry anymore.

Epic Transport Fail

I must admit, i did suggest it. Meeting these French clients of ours at the airport cuz you know, they're French and i am too and i've been in touch with them since they arrived in Mexico a couple of weeks ago and blablabla. Seemed like a good idea at the time. So i was there, their flight made it on time, i put them in their van en route to their fabulous hotel 2 hours south and off i was to take my bus back home. 

I was half way through to the bus stop when i realized i didnt collect the sign i used to welcome them. So i had to run back to their vehicle just as it was departing to get it back. Oh, did i mentionned i was wearing heels? Cuz you know, i thought it'd be nice to dress up all nice and shit. So i had the great idea of putting heels this morning to go to work. Running is fun. Not with heels though.

Anyways, after my little run, i sat at the bus stop waiting for my bus back home. And i waited. And waited. And bloody waited some more. It was starting to get dark and i was starting to get pissed off. I should have taken the first bus back towards downtown and then hop in my regular Magisterio bus. But noooo. I know best. I know there is a bus that goes direct from the airport to just a few blocks away from my house.

After at least 40 minutes waiting, i stopped the next green bus i saw, asking him if he was passing through my neighborhoord, he said yes and off was i. Finally. 

Except that he wasnt passing through my neighborhood. Not even remotedly. He was passing through the next-door neighborhood which can be close enough unless you're in that particular bus which passes through the opposite end of my next-door neighborhood. 

I got off a dozen blocks away from home, i had to walk for that dozen blocks, with heels, on cobblestones streets, or sandy streets, with no sidewalk, it was pitchdark and not a single cab in sight.

I hated my life. My feet are full of blisters now. The only thing that didnt happen was that i didnt break a heel. I'm home more than one hour later than normally. 
I badly need a foot massage.

I will never wear heels again.
Or take that green bus.
Or be a dumbass.
Ever.

I'll try at least ;-)

The Grand Mother's Experiment

No, i am not cooking any of my grandmothers (may they both RIP) nor anybody else's as it is, but i am an asthmatic and i've been told that there is a plant that you need to cook like if it was a tea that is great for every pulmonary infections including asthma. 

In fact its not really a plant, it's the roots of a plant, called (translated from Spanish) skunk's tail. And you have to boil it with a red onion. And then drink it. 

With that said, hmm,where to start??

Skunk tail...

Can you imagine the smell of this shit? And i'm cooking it on top of it all! When i got it delivered, you should have seen the face of the guy handling the bag to me. First it was wrapped into 3 platic bags (those jumbo super thick trash bags) and then he gave it to me with an expression on his face that was saying, for crying out loud put that away or i'll puke. 

I have a terrible sense of smell so i couldnt smell anything. But now that i'm cooking it, oh dear. It surely doesnt smell good - i dont even want to imagine the taste!

And to top it all, i had to add an onion in there!

I have no idea how long i should cook it or how much i should drink or if i can put sugar in it. I dont know anything.

I have a feeling it's not gonna taste good.

I have a feeling it's gonna taste like feet.

The moment of truth is about to happen....

OMG it's worse than the worse medicine ever, it's worse than feet.

I certainly hope it's effective cuz it's the nastiest taste EVER!!!!

I hate granny's remedies.

But they tend to work (i'll keep you posted)

100 Days

One hundred days have past since you left us. I'm not dwelling on the past or on what happened to you. But reaching the 100 days mark is a milestone and there is a song that reminds me of you. Ride free little bro, ride free.

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the timeI'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me, yeah

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go, oh yeah yeah

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the timeI'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love, whoa

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the timeI'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me, yeah oh yeah oh

I Am Single Again

It's been a while already, a few weeks even. I just didnt feel like announcing it that publically just yet. For those of you wondering how i am, dont you worry, i'm fine. And i'll continue to be. If you're expecting me to speak ill about ex-Dear Beloved, well, sorry, it's not my thing. Why would i anyway? Not that long ago, i was still convinced that he was the man of my dreams and the one i'd spend the rest of my life with. And speaking ill about someone you've loved and spent almost 2 years with equals speaking ill of yourself and the choices and decisions you've made. And i dont do that.

I dont see this relationship as a failure. Even if it has ended. I see it as an experience. As another part of the journey to discover who i am and what i want. Things and people who are right at a moment in your life might not be right forever. And this is what happened. Sometimes, you have to let go of what stops you from going forward.

I still have a lot of respect and affection for him and truly wish him the best in life. But the dramatically opposite ways of seeing things and life in general got the best of us. 

As John Lennon was singing, "you may say i'm a dreamer", but at the end of the day, if you want the moon, you've got to shoot for the stars. And you might not even get it, but if you dont even try, you definitely wont.

I'm like that. I see the good in things. I see the good in people. I see the good in situations and i life in general. I've just lost my brother 3 months ago and what do i get from it? Pain and sorrow of course but i also see all those amazing people i got to meet thanks to him, all that he's done during his life that has inspired so many people and keeps on inspiring them (and me) and all the good times and memories he left me with. 

I believe not only that good things can happen to me, i believe that extraordinary things WILL happen to me. I dont doubt about it. And that's why i get them. Most of the time at least. 

So yes, i'm good. And i'm about to dream even bigger!

Cause I'm raising the bar

I'd shoot for the moon but I'm too busy gazing at starsI feel amazing and I'm not afraid (not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)

I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)

(Eminem - not afraid)