Saturday, January 10, 2015

Can You Tell Someone: Your Baby Is UGLY ?

Facebook is the tabloid of people you know. And the most amazing thing about it all is that they're their own paparazzi. If your FB friends (please note the emphasis on Facebook friends since probably 90% of them are not real friends, if not more) were actually famous people, they probably wouldn't publish half of what they actually publish. Note the probably. When you see what celebrities publish via their twitter or instagram account, you can't help but think that they must like the attention ... But i digress.

I'd be lying if i said i don't publish personal stuff on Facebook because i do. I generally publish stuff that is either inspiring, funny and/or that make fun of me. The world is hard enough as it is, i've never taken myself too seriously and i like laughing about stuff that happens to me. And i've come to realize that i made some of my friends laugh at my crazy little adventures and it kinda make it all worth it.

But again, i digress.

Some people on FB (and obviously, you can all imagine that they're part of my contacts otherwise, how would i know about what they do, say or publish) are so obnoxiously self-absorbed that it's almost painful to see a publication coming from them. A couple of "friends" of mine (i mean they're a couple as well as FB friends of mine) used to be vomiting their love for each other all over their wall. I mean i don't mind you being madly in love with your spouse but you don't need to convince me you are because:
a) i couldn't care less
b) it's very intimate
c) what are you trying to prove?
d) who are you trying to convince? 
Oh, please, don't try to shovel down my throat that your life is so perfect with the absolutely bestest husband/wife in the world in it. Nobody is perfect, life is a bitch (if not all the time, at least from time to time) and your better half can be a bitch/dick just like any other ass in the world.

Well that same couple, still vomiting their love for each other by the way, is now happily married (obviously) and also recently reproduced (oh sweet mother of god). Needless to say that they're not only vomiting their love for eachother, they're also doing so with their newly born, who's now 54 days old. How do i know that? Because damn it, they publish a picture of that baby every single damn day with its age in days. Talking about months for a baby is annoying enough but in days, i don't even know where to start. 

When i think about another friend of mine who waited until she was 6 months pregnant to tell the world that, "oh, yeah, i almost forgot, i'll have another baby in about 3 more months" and that we have seen only ONE picture of the cutie pie since he was born!

But the thing is, i don't really mind that they're posting a picture of their beloved baby every day. OK, yes, i do. I swore i will never do that when i'll have my own little creature but i can understand that you feel like your baby is the most beautiful living thing that has ever set foot on this planet, that he's shining heavenly light from every single of his pores. Problem is (and sorry to burst out your bubble darling): he's not.

Nothing shines out of nowhere on that baby and dear god, am i the only one who think that it's an ugly baby? Do you actually say that kinda thing out loud? Can you tell the parents, i'm sorry, i don't think your kid is beautiful i think it looks like an old man. And an ugly one with that!
So i never sent my congratulations to the "happy" couple for bringing their descendance to the world since i wouldn't know what to tell them. I can't lie. I can't just tell them what they're expecting to hear, nor what everybody has been telling them. In my humble opinion, your baby is ugly as fuck and it makes me cringe every single time i see a picture of it appearing on my newsfeed.

With that say, i'll go back at my practising to get my own most beautiful and perfect-in-every-way baby! 

Cutest baby on the planet ... yep, that would be me! :D

PS: i've googled "ugly baby" to find a suitable picture to illustrate this post but oh my god, i'm gonna have nightmares! Ok my friends, your baby is ugly, but he doesn't get the prize for ugliest baby! Lucky you!

No comments:

Post a Comment