Monday, November 14, 2016

Pregnancy and Childbirth From Hell

So how are you? How did it go? Everything went well?
Not in the slightest way my delivery or even my pregnancy went well. 
The look on people's face when you answer a big fat no to "did the delivery go well?" ... Priceless.
Why on earth is that everybody assumes that because your baby is finally here and that you're finally back home that everything went well. Honestly, NOTHING went well. Nothing at all.
And no, it's not because i am indeed finally home with my beautiful baby girl that I'm gonna forget all the bad things that happened to me prior. Hell no I'm not gonna forget. I'll move on, yes, but I won't forget. And there is a very good reason to this: this is how my daughter's life started. 

My pregnancy got cut short. And thank god it did. It's been a very difficult first trimester, not because i was sick or nauseous or any of the classic inconveniences you can face at the beginning of a pregnancy but simply because I had that massive black cloud of my miscarriage hovering above me. During the second trimester, we were told that the baby was too small for its age, so there were the plethora of exams and check-ups and this and that. I was going to the hospital at least once a week.
And for the icing on the cake ... Last trimester ... Baby still small, i should get an ultrasound a week as well as two monitorings a week. By week 33 (which for us, was week 31 and a half but let's not dwell on that), i got told that they'll most likely induce labor between week 34 and week 36.

Since the baby was doing just fine (no kidding), they decided to wait just a few days short of week 37. 

It was a Thursday afternoon. Since the baby was small (estimated weight of 2kg then), they decided to go through all 4 steps of "smooth" labor: 
- the balloon first (inserted inside in order to detach the water sack from the cervix), set for 24h
- the "plug" - looks like a tampon that diffuses hormones in order to accelerate labor and trigger contractions ... Another 24h.
- an hormonal gel (same job as the tampon) ... 6h
- and last but not least, in the delivery room, with an IV to stimulate the contractions hence accelerating the distention of the cervix.
I went in the delivery room at 3pm on the Sunday. My man slept on the floor on Friday night and on our inflatable mattress on Saturday night. Needless to say, he was pretty much in the same state of exhaustion than i was. 
11pm or so, on Sunday, i got the epidural. It was a disaster. The anaesthetist was scaring me, the nurse was a bitch. I was losing it. I was exhausted, i was scared, Bruno couldn't be with me, tears were rolling down my eyes uncontrolably, I was shaking so bad from all the tension that was packing on for the past 4 days that it took for freaking ever. Or so it seemed.

Except that nothing went as planned after that. At around 1am, as they were increasing the dose i was getting in the IV, the baby's heart rate dropped. As the midwife said, talking about the baby: "she just made the decision for us".
She couldn't take it anymore. I was gonna get a c-section.
I couldn't stop crying.
After all we'd been through, i would be a lone spectator at my delivery. Bruno wouldn't be able to be there since i was going for surgery. I wasn't gonna participate nor see anything since they cut you open and it all happens behind a curtain.
I was struggling not to fall asleep. I wanted to puke so bad. I couldn't feel my right arm. I was scared. I wanted to be over with. I wanted to sleep.

I got to see my baby for a split second before they took her to the pediatrician. All i saw of her was that she had hair. I stayed on the table for another 15 minutes or so, just for them to get the placenta out, vaccuum my insides and close me up. 

The surgeon apologized a few time that he had to cut right in the middle of my pelvis tattoo. I couldn't care less to be honest. But i thought it was nice of him to feel sorry about ruining my tat'. 14 stapples later (and who knows how many stitches inside), i went to the recovery room for 3 never-ending hours, dying to be with my baby and my man. 

Best moment of it all: when i got to have her on my chest. I could have stayed like that for ages. But all good things have an end ...

I spent another week in the hospital. It was hard, i cried a lot since again, i was pretty much on my own most of the time (Bruno spent all the time he could with me but he had to go back to work and since the hospital is not very arranging for the new dads ...). And the nerves got the best of me ... After all i endured, i just couldn't take much more any more. The nursery nurses offered to take my baby for the night so i could rest. I cried my eyes out in guilt but truly appreciated to get a 7hrs straight night. 

Long story short, we're finally back home. All together like the family we now are. We do as we see fit for our baby girl. Maternal instinct kicked in and with a baby, you just know what is best for her. She's a very good baby. Quiet. Calm. And to all the people who keep on telling us "it won't last", i tell them: SCREW YOU. After all we've been through, we deserve to have some peace of mind and a quiet baby. You might have had a terrible few months with yours but you most likely didn't have to endure what we had to. So instead of being jealous of what we enjoy now, wish us the best instead!

So after a total of 14 ultrasounds, 27 monitorings, 72 hours of labor inducing techniques, 9 hours in the delivery room, it's by c-section that our beautiful baby girl Lucie was born, on Halloween.

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