Wednesday, September 22, 2010

This Has Got To Stop

What has?
My Facebook addiction. I mean this is getting ridiculous. I'm taking that being on vacations and having WAY too much time on my hands doesnt help either but still. I have my FB page open all day long, checking who's doing what every 5 minutes, accepting all the gifts other losers like me send me on farmville, sending them gifts back so i can finish building up my stable, checking pictures of people i dont care about in the first place, filling up my head with shit, especially the illusion that all those wonderful people have an amazing life in incredible places doing outstanding stuff, having the time of their life while i'm alone like a rat at home.
And to add some masochism to it all, i now have facebook on my blackberry with notifications and shit, just to make sure i dont lose one single stupid comment someone made on some brainless stuff i wrote or a picture i've been tagged in.



Facebook is NOT real life. I MUST accept the fact that it is a complete UTOPIA to think that my FB friends have a better life than mine, do better stuff than i do, have more fun than me, meet nicer people than i do and are better than i am. They don't.

I am not saying i am better than anybody else. But i have a great life, a lot of people i know also do. But this jealousy i've been feeling is based on nothing more tangible than a few pictures or comments that can so easily be altered and tampered. The fact that I mean every word i write doesnt mean everybody else does. I've met a lot of people in my life trying to convince themselves they're having a blast when they really dont. Isnt it what we all do? You're down and blue and someone asks you, how are you? and you answer, i'm fine.

Maybe i should try to quit? Yeah well no, i dont think that'll happen anytime soon! An addiction is something you need therapy to overcome. And guess what? I dont have the balls to start one. Just because i know how screwed up i am, just because i'm sure it'll make me realize there is so much more than my incapacity on being happy and my gift to torture myself with digging into my friend's facebook life just for the sake of rubbing it in ...

Facebook is the tabloid of people you know. You can get to think that what you write or say or publish or post matters to them but truth is, people only really care about themselves. There is only but a few who truly care about you and those are the ones you dont talk to on social networks.

PS: before this post backlashes on me, i am NOT depressed. I am fine. Really. I have been down a bit lately, because it's always like that for my b-day and x-mas. I know where my problems come from. I'm just too coward to face them and deal with them. Being able to figure out what affected me so bad has weakened me greatly, making it harder for me to deal with simple day to day issues we all have to go through with. But the good thing is, there is always a bottom to a hole. Eventually, you touch it and the only way out is up :)

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