Monday, December 28, 2009

No Title Is Good Enough

This is a post i wished i'd never write. This is a post i so very wished i'd never get to write. Unfortunately, the dreaded time has come. This is an open letter to someone who i hope, will keep on reading these lines. Someone who i'm sure, will know it's for him i'm writing this, about him i'm talking.

I met you against all odds and against anybody's better judgement, pretty much 2 years ago exactly. It was Christmas, it was cold. I had no idea i was letting someone like you getting into my life as much as you did. After some time apart, we finally got to know eachother better and it was just amazing. There are no word that can describe the connection we had have (sorry can't resign myself in talking with past tense). 

You always said you could read me like an open book and jeez did that piss me off :-) but at the same time, it's one of the things that made our relationship so special. I didnt have to explain stuff endlessly, you just knew it already. You knew about my mood switches, my inner pain, my frustration, my rage, my shallowness and superficiality. You knew from the very begining about my incapacity to go over certain stuff.

You once said that escaping is not the answer, that my happiness, i need to find it inside myself, not on the other side of the world. And you're the one who's leaving now. How ironic.
I'm not asking you to stay, you know i wouldnt do such thing, nor would you stay if i'd ask you anyway. I'm incapable of giving you what you want. I'm a coward. I'm too scared of grabbing the happiness you're offering me, too scared of changes, too scared of the unknown. I dont know what happiness is, means, or feels. I've just come to realized that recently. And everything i have realized about myself lately, i owe it to you.

YOU are the one who opened my eyes about it all, YOU made me put a name on my "mal-estar", YOU made me unsterstand where it was all coming from, YOU wiped my tears and pat me on the back. And i just couldn't let go. I couldnt cuz i was scared. Scared of bumping into something so intense, so strong that it would get the best of me. That there would have been no way back.

I know what my problem is now, and it's thanks to you. I will work  on it from now on, i will do my best to be happy. I truly hope we'll meet again. No i wont give you my address, i dont want you to write me the way you asked all of us for our address. I know you'll find a way to let me know. Again, i know that day will happen eventually. We've been watching enough series on tv to know that most of the time, the bad guys end up losing. Even if you've always kept on hoping that one day, the good ones will lose.

You made me understand that my weakness (or what i considered weakness), may also be my biggest strenght, my power to finally reach happiness. I'm not there yet, but i promise you i'll work on it. You said you'll be there every step of the way. You sure will. I dont think there'll ever be a day that'll pass without me thinking of you, worrying for you and missing you.

You've made a nest in my heart and now hold a very special place in it. Be proud. You're one of a very few.

Hope our paths will meet again.

Good luck.
I miss you already.



  1. You know who I am....and every Tuesday is waiting hoping you appear....I will hold my breath and hopefully, I wont die short of breath....Love You

  2. whoever that person is, is extremely fortunate to hold such a place in your heart...