Saturday, December 12, 2009

What's Going On?

The only thing i feel like writing like, right this second, is aaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhh ... So once more, i'll be using someone else's words ... The only difference with me and that song is that i'm not 25 but 32 and that i dont pray, i just hope.



Twenty - five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination
And I realized quickly when I knew I should
That the world was made up of this brotherhood of man
For whatever that means
And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What's going on?

And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?


Ooh, ooh ooh
And I try, oh my god do I try
I try all the time, in this institution
And I pray, oh my god do I pray
I pray every single day
For a revolution
And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What's going on?


And I say, hey hey hey hey
I said hey, what's going on?


Twenty - five years and my life is still
Trying to get up that great big hill of hope
For a destination








This is how I’ve been feeling lately ... in a dead-end ... in every single aspects of my life. Professionally, emotionally, personally. Nothing seems challenging any more. And worse of it all, nothing seems appealing anymore. It feels like I’m dead inside, it feels like I can’t feel love or joy anymore. Everything bores me. Big time.

I’m not where I want to be in life. Even though I don’t really know where I want to be. Is it what I want really or is it what she wants for me? Do I want what she wants for me? Do I want to be the person she wants me to be? Do I want to be miserable the rest of my life trying to please her knowing that nothing seems to please her? Is that really what my happiness is all about? Detaching me from my mom and what she wants of me? Stop doing things thinking about what SHE will think about it? Making her understand that I will not take her emotional blackmail again? Making her understand that whatever she thinks of what I do, whether she likes it or not, whatever I’ve done and whatever I will do, whatever mistakes I make and decisions I take, whatever length or color my hair has, whatever language I speak, whatever country I live in, whoever I date, if I have or don’t have children, whatever breed my dog is, whatever job I have, there is one thing that will never ever change: I will ALWAYS be her one and only daughter.


Maybe it’s time you understand I will never be that perfect-in-every-way daughter you probably dreamed I’d be. Maybe it’s time you let me lead my life the way I want to. Maybe it’s time you accept the person I am. Maybe it’s time you let me go. Maybe it’s time you let me be happy.




Maybe it’s time
. It’s time.



   

5 comments:

  1. I have love for you, and I want to be happy with you...you know that...but I am proud that you took that first step...I am a proud friend...and I will be there every step of the way...if you allow me..

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  2. Friendship is a feeling of comfort and emotional safety with a person. It is when you do not have to weigh your thoughts and measure words, before keeping it forth before your friend. It is when someone knows you better than yourself and assures to be your side in every emotional crisis. It is when you can sleep fighting and get another morning with a better understanding. Friendship is much beyond roaming together and sharing good moments, it is when someone comes to rescue you from the worst phase of life. Friendship is eternal

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  3. if you have nothing to say yourself you can always use songs like you always do ... pathetic

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  4. Dear Anonymous, if you dont like what you find in that blog, nobody is forcing you to read it, let alone leave a comment on it ... And how pathetic and coward is it to hide your petty nasty comment behind "anonymous"?

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  5. If you have lots to say with a song say it...dont let coward, narrow minded stupid people...tell you other wise...fucking idiots...

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