Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Me and ... My Unusual Dreams

What i'm going to write next is most likely gonna make no sense at all for most of you or maybe make you believe i have completely lost it (which is not entirely false true). Dreams are (quote from Wikipedia) a succession of images, sounds or emotions which the mind experiences during sleep. The content and purpose of dreams are not fully understood, though they have been a topic of speculation and interest throughout recorded history.

For me, most of my dreams are extremely precised and they feel so freaking real it's creepy. To the question that i know you're gonna ask regarding what language i dream in (and this is so not the topic here), i'll answer that it depends who i dream of (if it's my parents, or friends from France, it'll be in french, if it's colleagues from work i speak english to, it'll be in english and same for spanish ... But as i said, it's not relevant to the subject here).

I realized recently that i tend to remember my nightmares more than my actual pleasant dreams. Maybe because they're more intense, maybe because the pleasant dreams, i dream them awake all the time.
Well last night, i had one of those bad dreams. I wouldnt go so far as to call it nightmare because i havent had real nightmares in a long time. OK, no, i've just got one last night, it was a nightmare and it was the same nightmare i'm always having. I mean WHO does have the same nightmare over and over? Am i the only one? Cuz i'm having the same nightmare since as far as i can remember. It's always the same. Except that this time, last night, no giraffe was involved. Yeah i know. In my childhood nightmare, there is always a giraffe and an elephant chasing me. And i always end up in a cupboard-sized room, with melting walls, and the entrance of the room slowly closing itself like elevator's doors, and the room getting bigger and me getting smaller and the giraffe and the elephant getting their neck and trunk stuck in the closed door. And that's when i generally wake up soaked in sweat screaming my lungs out.
I've had that very same nightmare for YEARS. This is actually the only nightmare i have. I dont have any others. It's just this one.

Last night, it was a bit different. But there is always this concept of unreachable and powerlessness.

Last night, it was HOT. I mean really, really hot. And sleeping without an AC, in Mexico, in August, it's like not happening. Not for me at least. So i was trashing in bed, sweating like a pig, not comfortable in any position. And that, for me, especially when i'm really tired, is like "open house" for disturbing creepy dreams to get in my head. Cuz i'm half asleep and half awake at the same time. My mind drifts aside, i know it's a dream but it also feels so real my brain gets confused (yes, more than what it already is) and that's when things get extremely creepy. And i suddenly wake up soaked in sweat, with my heart pumping like crazy and with this unbelievable feeling of anxiety. What i dreamt of last night was very similar to the giraffe dream. Except that no giraffe was involved this time. I was drowning INSIDE the bed. Like if the sheets and the mattress were quicksands. And i was trying to grab something away from me in order not to sink in the bed but it was just unreachable. You know, just like when you're at the movie and you're watching it in 3D and stuff from the screen are coming at you and you try to grab them and catch them but they always seem to be an extra inch away. Well like that.
So picture yourself drowning in your bed, seeing your salvation but knowing you're not gonna make it.

I woke up 3 times. All 3 times drenched in sweat, heart pumping and freaked out big time. Because all 3 times were exactly for the same reason. Every time i was finally falling asleep, i was literally FALLING asleep. Back in the sinking bed again, and again, and again.

Maybe i shouldnt watch movies like The Matrix before i go to bed ... It gives my brain waaaay too many tools to stray in the maze of my sleepless nights.





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