I meant to say BRILLIANT life of mine, AWESOME life of mine. I've felt increible for the past few weeks and i know i owe a lot to my boyfriend. Oh yes, i didnt say it before. I got a new boyfriend. It's been a month almost and i dont want to jinx it like it tend to do, so i didnt talk about it. He's the one thanks to whom i'm smiling all the time, thanks to whom i got a great deal of patience back. He makes me feel like the queen of the world, he makes me feel alive. I havent been in a bitchy mood ever since i met him. I've done several random acts of kindness just because i felt i could. Staying an extra hour at work to get a pair of shoes a guest forgot on our boat and bringing them back to their ship, lend my phone to someone who just missed their tour so they can sort out something else instead, taking a very dear friend of mine on the canopy tour tomorrow knowing he's been asking about it for ever, listening to a friend of mine rambling on and on and on about how nauseous she's been feeling and actually managing to cheer her up, convinced a friend of mine to sign up for the "it starts with us" campaign, writing love bombs to all the people that are suggested by the web site with the same name and enjoying the feedback my few lines along with a few hundred other people's can have on someone who truly needs it, giving away 40 growing trees from my property to the greenhouse at work so they can replant them elsewhere ... and the list goes on.
I'm honestly feeling like the luckiest bitch on planet earth right now. I mean i have a job i love, a house i'm crazy for, a pain in the ass dog i love to bits, the opportunity to do tours and excursions most people can only dream of, vacations coming soon, 3 friends who mean the world to me, family members getting back in touch with me after months, if not years, without knowing anything about them, people i admire and whose blogs i'm eagerly following leaving comments on MY blog (never have i felt such a groupie before) and the guy i've been dreaming to have in my life for YEARS now calling me his girlfriend and treating me like the last drop of water in the desert.
I dont believe in luck. I believe that all that i have, i dont have it because i deserve it more than anybody else, i have it because i wanted it. I've never been a pessimistic depressed person, never for long at least, but i didnt think it could be possible to be THIS happy. I dont know if there is a scale for happiness but if there is, i'm shooting through the roof right now. Everything seems to fall into place to make me even more happy day after day. I feel no guilt about it. I feel that i am finally ready to embrace that happiness. I am not gonna sabotage it this time. I am not gonna convince myself it's not normal to be this happy when other people are feeling down or blue or shitty, i'm not gonna feel bad to make them feel better, i can help them feel better with just a few kind words when they least expect it, i'm gonna keep on smiling, cuz when you smile all the time, a lot of people wonder what you're up to but a lot of people smile back. A smile makes you feel good. And feeling good will attract more feeling good feelings. I'm smiling on all my official pictures (driving license, FM3, passport, badges ...) - they always tell me dont smile and i just can't. I'm gonna hug my friends whenever i can and even better, whenever i feel like it. Cuz there's not quite anything like a good hug to lift your spirits.
All of that vomiting of happiness to tell everybody who's reading this blog that you too can feel that way. You too can have it all. You just need to want it hard enough. Don't believe beauty is only for other people, that happiness is only for other people, that luck is only for other people. All of that is for you. If you're keen enough on taking it. It's there. Just open your heart.
And remember ...
Happiness is a way of travel ... not a destination.