It's Your Birthday

I really wish i could stop talking about it, about you. But today is your birthday and how couldnt i? So this is the letter i was meaning to write you some time ago but didnt find the strength to.

You were, are and forever will be my little baby brother. I remember when people were asking me, oh, you have a younger brother, how old is he? And i always had to think twice before answering cuz for me, you were still that little boy i was riding with back from school. We've always got along but the older we were getting, the better it was. 

I remember the bond we had when we were playing together, or watching stupid tv shows before doing our homework. It was the bond of brotherhood. And quite frankly, there isnt anything better in life.

As the years went by, i moved away from France and watched you from afar, struggling to make a living out of your passion but not doubting a single second this was what you wanted to do and where you wanted to be in your life. I knew you werent having it easy but every single time we saw each other over the past 13 years i've been away, it was like we were both living the life of our dreams, careless, carefree, having a ball and laughing our eyes out at eachother's stupid jokes.

And then the unspeakable happened. All of the sudden, i was caught in YOUR world and realized, in complete awe, how much bigger you were than all of us. What you managed to create from your tiny appartment, wow, i dont even know where to start. You succeeded in gathering hundreds of people and making them become this big family that has now lost their leader. You were admired and respected by people much older than you were, much more experienced than you were and yet, still managed to stay the reserved, humble, down to earth person i was lucky to grow up with.

Words cant even start to express how proud i am of you. How unbelievably proud i am of what you did with your life, of how many people you've inspired and somehow influenced for many years to come. You truly became a hero that so many admired, me included.

You've taught showed us that no dream is too big, that nobody is too small and that determination and faith go more than a long way. 

I wish i had had the chance to tell you this. I wish i could have held you in my arms to tell you how proud i've always been of you, tell you how much i love you and how much i thought of you all the time.

You're gone now. I miss you like i didnt even think it was possible to miss someone. It's like i have this massive hole in my heart that nobody can ever fill up completely. I think about you all the time, about all the things we still had to share, all the things we still had to talk about or laugh about, all the thing that you had to teach me and maybe also, the things i had to teach you.

I hope, wherever you are now, that you know how much we miss you. Life will never be the same again. They say you're in a better place. Well, better or not, this place here is a lot worse without you. But life aint always fair. And with you gone, it sometimes feels like the sparkle in my humble life will never glitter again.

Happy 33rd birthday lil'bro.

Love you ... now and always.

Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring - quite often the hard way.  ~Pamela Dugdale

Asshole

Tonight, and for a change, i listened to my mom's advice and made an appointment with an homeopath. Why? Because as i said in an earlier post, my brain is like a flat tire, it's exhausted and i badly NEED to be on top of my game for everything that is awaiting me. AND, to try to get some sleep cuz 5hrs a night is definitely not enough. Call it stress, depression, mourning, or plain exhaustion, bottom line is i'm suffering from insomnia, it's been going on for a couple of weeks now and it's bothering the hell out of me. 

And i refuse to take sleeping pills. Mostly because i'm allergic to one too many things already but also because i know myself and i'd get addicted to it in no time. 

When i told that to my shrink, she was enthusiastic about the idea and recommended me the best homeopath in town, bragging about how good he was and everything. So i called and got an appointment for the same day, today.

After i gave him the usual info regarding my little self, and told him a bit the reason why i was there, he stood up to check my eyes (apparently you can tell a lot about someone from the iris and i think that is creepy as hell).

And then he started what felt like lecturing me, about being selfish when we lose someone or something, about keeping all my love for myself without passing it on to a child, that it's wrong to keep it inside and not share it and even comparing losing a brother to losing a bag.

HOW THE FLYING FUCK IS LOSING A BAG REMOTEDLY CLOSE TO LOSING A BROTHER??? AND WHO THE HELL DOES HE THINK HE IS TO TELL ME I DONT GIVE MY LOVE AND PASSION TO ANYBODY? HOW THE FUCK DOES HE KNOW WHAT I DO AND DONT DO? HOW DARE HE ASSUME I'M KEEPING IT ALL IN? WHY IS HE INSINUATING I NEED TO HURRY UP TO HAVE A BABY? WHAT IF I DONT WANT ONE? AND WHY THE HECK DOES HE TALK TO ME SAYING "WE"? I DONT KNOW YOU, WE'RE NOT "WE" AND I'M NOT "WE" EITHER! 

I answered back to him a few times in a pretty snappy way and i believe he sensed that i was about to stand up and punch him the face. And when i WAS actually going to just get the hell outta there, he gave me a prescription for some homeopathic meds and told me to come back in a week to check if the treatment had had some effects already and then again in 3 months before i leave so he can give me another treatment if needed be.

I am NEVER going back to see that man. 

What a complete ARSE.

I hate him.

I was so angry when i stepped out of his practise i almost puked. And he's supposed to make me feel better? I hope his meds work better than his human skills.

ASSHOLE.

I'm Breaking Free

I have a lot going on. And by a lot, i mean A LOT. I actually need to follow my shrink advice and make a to-do list of all the loose ends that need to be tie up.

I havent been doing great lately and i really feel like my brain is about to implode. Actually, my doctor said that it's a normal "feeling" and that's generally the first signs of something more serious called depression: your brain is exhausted.

What do you have? I have brain exhaustion. LOL.

I shouldnt laugh, it really isnt funny. But i have this mental image of a brain looking like a cartoon flat tire... 

Anywaysssss.

So here i was, this morning over breakfast, doing the usual, harvesting and planting shit in my farm when it kinda hit me in the face: I AM ADDICTED TO FARMVILLE. And that bloody addiction is taking a tremendous chunk off of my free time hence diverting me from my need to be done. 

And trust me, when you're about to move back to your home country after 11 years abroad, a lot need to be done. Especially when you realize that almost half of January is already gone and that there are only 3 months left. And i thought it'd take forever. If i'm not more careful, by the time i'll wake up tomorrow we'll be in April already and none of what needs to be done will be.

So today, i took the time to advice my FV friends that i wouldnt be playing anymore. I've been an avid player for about 2 years now and i've met some amazing people thanks to it. They know who they are (wink wink). And when i made it back home, i cleaned up everything on each of my 8 farms, sent gifts to my friends, changed the set up on my newsfeed so i dont get any more FV notifications and BLOCKED the app. O_o

It's been 10 minutes. It feels weird. But a nice kinda weird. It feels like i'm breaking free from something that ceased to be fun and had started to control my life and my free time. I'm becoming the owner of my life again. How cool is that? 

It's Official

Since i have sent that letter to my boss, the news is now official: 

I AM MOVING BACK TO FRANCE.

I know it might comes as a surprise for some of you, especially after such a long time abroad, but sometimes, life gets in the way of the best set plans.

As most of you know already, last September, i lost my one and only brother Antoine in a motorcycling accident. Needless to say it's been an emotional roller-coaster over the past few months. Some days are ok, some days are plain awful. And even though i know time heals pretty much everything, i personnally think that time is not working fast enough.

The idea of going back has come to my mind pretty much since the second my cousin took me back to the airport, as i waived my parents goodbye. My parents, in tears, on the sidewalk in front of my brother's appartment. Hadnt i had a house and a boyfriend in Mexico at the time, i wouldnt have hesitated a single second. Cuz at that particular moment, the only question that was going through my mind was: what the heck am i doing?

I should have stayed. 

Then things went sour with now ex-Dear Beloved, and Christmas came, and NY celebration came and the more i thought about it the more it made perfect sense. 

I mentioned it to my parents at the end of November but i dont think they realized i already made the decision of moving back. And that is was a decision i made a long time ago. I want need to be closer to my parents. I need to be there for them probably as much as i need them to be there for me. We're in this together. And will always be.

I am not leaving tomorrow. I have a lot to take care of here before i event think about moving back, selling my house being quite a big one! But i'm planning on moving back at the end of April, early May at the latest. May 5th being kind of a deadline date for me since it'd be the 11th anniversary of my life in Mexico.

11 YEARS. It's a lifetime almost. It hasnt been always easy, but i've got to do incredible stuff, and meet amazing people that i will keep in my heart for many years to come. Thank god for today's technologies to stay in touch easily.

I'm about to close a big chapter of my life. I'm not turning a page, i'm closing a book and about to start a new one. I'll be a foreigner in my own country. It will be a massive cultural shock all over again. I'll need a job. I'll need a home. I'll need to make friends. I'll need to get use to the money. I'll need to re-adjust to what  living in Europe is. And i'll most likely blog all about it!

Meanwhile, i'll try to enjoy my remaining time here, as well as the people who had become my family away from home.

I'll miss you all, some more than others.

Until we meet again...

I Dont Want To Cry Anymore

This is it. 2012 is finally coming to an end and honestly, i'm eagerly waiting for that new promising year to begin. Not because my life is going to change dramatically over the next hours but because i want this celebration and greetings and best wishes times to be over.

Tonight, i wont be celebrating. And there are a few reasons behind it. The first one, and i think that is one pretty good reason to be honest, is that i'm sick. And my doctor this afternoon was adament: i urgently need to rest. If he could tell that to my boss, i'd appreciate by the way ;)

It's nothing serious, i just got a sore throat but i'm also on the verge of exhaustion and i badly need to just chillax.

The second reason, and i believe it is a pretty damn good second reason as well, is that i am in no mood for a let's-pretend-i'm-having-fun celebration when i'm crumbling down inside.

I miss my brother so freaking bad. It was already hard over Christmas, especially when i talked to my parents, who received the photo album i made for them with the help and participation of dozens of my brother's friends, it's now even worse for new year. 

Why?

Cuz everybody is wishing me the best for 2013, hoping i wont have to go through such a traumatic experience again, cuz all his friends (some of them have become mine now) are mentioning him somehow when it comes to talk about what 2012 brought them (or took them in that case) and cuz whether i want it or not, until it'll be a year, we'll all have to go through experiencing our first everything without him.

It's been 4 months. How much longer will it hurt? How much longer is it gonna take for the pain to go away? How much longer will i cry for? How much more tears do i have? When will i stop missing you this much? Why did you have to go? What is the bigger plan behind all this? Is there even a bigger plan? Are you trying to tell me something?

Light my way lil'bro.

Light my way.

To a better 2013.

But please, i dont want to cry anymore.

Epic Transport Fail

I must admit, i did suggest it. Meeting these French clients of ours at the airport cuz you know, they're French and i am too and i've been in touch with them since they arrived in Mexico a couple of weeks ago and blablabla. Seemed like a good idea at the time. So i was there, their flight made it on time, i put them in their van en route to their fabulous hotel 2 hours south and off i was to take my bus back home. 

I was half way through to the bus stop when i realized i didnt collect the sign i used to welcome them. So i had to run back to their vehicle just as it was departing to get it back. Oh, did i mentionned i was wearing heels? Cuz you know, i thought it'd be nice to dress up all nice and shit. So i had the great idea of putting heels this morning to go to work. Running is fun. Not with heels though.

Anyways, after my little run, i sat at the bus stop waiting for my bus back home. And i waited. And waited. And bloody waited some more. It was starting to get dark and i was starting to get pissed off. I should have taken the first bus back towards downtown and then hop in my regular Magisterio bus. But noooo. I know best. I know there is a bus that goes direct from the airport to just a few blocks away from my house.

After at least 40 minutes waiting, i stopped the next green bus i saw, asking him if he was passing through my neighborhoord, he said yes and off was i. Finally. 

Except that he wasnt passing through my neighborhood. Not even remotedly. He was passing through the next-door neighborhood which can be close enough unless you're in that particular bus which passes through the opposite end of my next-door neighborhood. 

I got off a dozen blocks away from home, i had to walk for that dozen blocks, with heels, on cobblestones streets, or sandy streets, with no sidewalk, it was pitchdark and not a single cab in sight.

I hated my life. My feet are full of blisters now. The only thing that didnt happen was that i didnt break a heel. I'm home more than one hour later than normally. 
I badly need a foot massage.

I will never wear heels again.
Or take that green bus.
Or be a dumbass.
Ever.

I'll try at least ;-)

The Grand Mother's Experiment

No, i am not cooking any of my grandmothers (may they both RIP) nor anybody else's as it is, but i am an asthmatic and i've been told that there is a plant that you need to cook like if it was a tea that is great for every pulmonary infections including asthma. 

In fact its not really a plant, it's the roots of a plant, called (translated from Spanish) skunk's tail. And you have to boil it with a red onion. And then drink it. 

With that said, hmm,where to start??

Skunk tail...

Can you imagine the smell of this shit? And i'm cooking it on top of it all! When i got it delivered, you should have seen the face of the guy handling the bag to me. First it was wrapped into 3 platic bags (those jumbo super thick trash bags) and then he gave it to me with an expression on his face that was saying, for crying out loud put that away or i'll puke. 

I have a terrible sense of smell so i couldnt smell anything. But now that i'm cooking it, oh dear. It surely doesnt smell good - i dont even want to imagine the taste!

And to top it all, i had to add an onion in there!

I have no idea how long i should cook it or how much i should drink or if i can put sugar in it. I dont know anything.

I have a feeling it's not gonna taste good.

I have a feeling it's gonna taste like feet.

The moment of truth is about to happen....

OMG it's worse than the worse medicine ever, it's worse than feet.

I certainly hope it's effective cuz it's the nastiest taste EVER!!!!

I hate granny's remedies.

But they tend to work (i'll keep you posted)

100 Days

One hundred days have past since you left us. I'm not dwelling on the past or on what happened to you. But reaching the 100 days mark is a milestone and there is a song that reminds me of you. Ride free little bro, ride free.

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the timeI'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight it's only you and me, yeah

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go, oh yeah yeah

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the timeI'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love, whoa

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the timeI'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl it's only you and me, yeah oh yeah oh

I Am Single Again

It's been a while already, a few weeks even. I just didnt feel like announcing it that publically just yet. For those of you wondering how i am, dont you worry, i'm fine. And i'll continue to be. If you're expecting me to speak ill about ex-Dear Beloved, well, sorry, it's not my thing. Why would i anyway? Not that long ago, i was still convinced that he was the man of my dreams and the one i'd spend the rest of my life with. And speaking ill about someone you've loved and spent almost 2 years with equals speaking ill of yourself and the choices and decisions you've made. And i dont do that.

I dont see this relationship as a failure. Even if it has ended. I see it as an experience. As another part of the journey to discover who i am and what i want. Things and people who are right at a moment in your life might not be right forever. And this is what happened. Sometimes, you have to let go of what stops you from going forward.

I still have a lot of respect and affection for him and truly wish him the best in life. But the dramatically opposite ways of seeing things and life in general got the best of us. 

As John Lennon was singing, "you may say i'm a dreamer", but at the end of the day, if you want the moon, you've got to shoot for the stars. And you might not even get it, but if you dont even try, you definitely wont.

I'm like that. I see the good in things. I see the good in people. I see the good in situations and i life in general. I've just lost my brother 3 months ago and what do i get from it? Pain and sorrow of course but i also see all those amazing people i got to meet thanks to him, all that he's done during his life that has inspired so many people and keeps on inspiring them (and me) and all the good times and memories he left me with. 

I believe not only that good things can happen to me, i believe that extraordinary things WILL happen to me. I dont doubt about it. And that's why i get them. Most of the time at least. 

So yes, i'm good. And i'm about to dream even bigger!

Cause I'm raising the bar

I'd shoot for the moon but I'm too busy gazing at starsI feel amazing and I'm not afraid (not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We'll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that, you're not alone
Holla if you feel like you've been down the same road (same road)

I'm not afraid (I'm not afraid)

(Eminem - not afraid)

Lost and Found

We are currently remodeling the house, or better said, we're building up a guest room at the back of the garden. Reason why we have workers at home and we've had them for a couple of weeks now. A couple of days ago, when we got back home, one of the workers told us that Lola, our dog, was kinda acting weird and that she had been playing with a toad. OK that's never good but we're used to deal with that kinda situation, Lola has a thing for toads. And the bigger and the grosser, the better. 

I got back inside, get her milk so wash away the venom of her mouth but strangely, she wasn't drinking it this time. She wasn't even salivating like she normally does after playing with a toad.

And that's when it stroke us. She hadn't just played with the toad, she had actually ATE the damn thing. And she was dying of poisoning right in front of our eyes.

I called the vet, he told me to rush to his place and off we were. Dear Beloved drove so fast i closed my eyes the entire time. And Lola was getting less and less responsive.

We made it to the vet "in extremis", he gave her a shot, brought her temperature down (she had 40.3°C instead of 38°C) and waited until she started to react to the antidote to let us take her back home.

And the following morning, apart from her somehow stiff walk, it was like nothing happened. Dogs do live in the moment. 

But 2 days after she almost died in our arms, another incident happened. I got home first and Bullet came to say hi but Lola didn't  And considering she very nearly poisoned herself a couple of days prior, i went in the garden to check on her. Maybe venom is like an earthquake, there's the second wave of it after a while. Except that Lola was nowhere to be found. 

We currently have an enormous amount of crap laying around in the garden because of the construction going on. And i check behind every single piece of wood, metal, plastic, bags that are there and still no Lola.

I called Dear Beloved and told him: Lola is missing, she's not here.

And he said: what do you mean?

How can we be so thick when you hear a news like this. Dude, i mean exactly what i just said, she is not here. She's gone, she's not in the garden. Bullet is but Lola isnt. What part dont you understand?

Well i looked in the neighborhood, calling her, asking all the people i bumped into if they had seen her and nobody had and i was pissed and really thought someone had taken her. I was crazy mad at the workers for not being careful and letting her escape. And Dear Beloved came home and we start scowling each other like it's our fault, like we want to find a guilty person for it . And he stormed out to look for her again. Unsuccessfully.

When we went to bed that night, a part inside of me died a little. Lola has been part of the family for almost 2 years now and not feeding her and putting her to bed was just excruciating. 

I didn't sleep well. Spent the entire night twisting and turning in my bed and woke up like i had only slept an hour. I took Bullet on our morning walk, it was just him and me. He looked at me like he was gonna say: where's Lola? Isn't she coming too? It was weird and painful.

At breakfast, i was determined to make flyers and post them everywhere in the neighborhood. And that's when i heard a bark. That's when i heard HER bark. I don't think there is a single mother on this planet that doesn't recognize her children's voice. Well i don't have children but i have 5 pets. And i can recognize every single one of their voice. 

I dashed out and headed towards where i had heard her bark. And there she was. Sitting like a queen on one of my neighbor's lounge chairs, waving her tail like she was saying: mom, i went camping and it was aaaaaawesome! Can i do it again?

My neighbor told me she didn't know which house was mine and that she was terrified of my dog who had sneaked in her garden yesterday evening as she was parking her car. I'm so glad she chose that garden. 

And i'm so glad i have her back.

I Finished It

I finished that Half Marathon i bragged about earlier. I didn't finish last and i did it in less than 3 hours. So my 2 goals were actually met. I am so proud of myself i cant even start to explain.

We got up at 5:30am to be ready on the departure line at 6:30am as initially planned. There was this excitement going on around us and i could feel the adrenaline raising and honestly, i wanted to be time to get going.

They gave us little bags of colored powder to throw in the air when the "go" was said - don't ask, i didn't get the point either. They wanted to make this a unique only in Vallarta kinda thing but seriously, when you have 176 people throwing powder in the air, you start your run in the middle of this gigantic colorful cloud, you cant see shit and you're covered in 10 different colors. No, even now, still don't see the point of it.

So there we were. All covered in purple and orange (and yellow and pink), beginning to run our 21 km. Miguel and Michael, the other 2 guys from the office dashed out. Dear Beloved was behind me and my first concern was to adjust my steps to my breathing and keep the rhythm. 

So many people passed me but i didn't really care to be honest. I wasn't racing against anybody but myself. It was MY race and it was for ME.

I knew there was going to be a table with water and gatorade every 2km. So when i saw the first one, i was like, well that was fast. Then i passed the return for the 5k. There were 3 races in fact. A half marathon, a 10k (who left 10 minutes behind us) and a 5k (who left 10 minutes after the 10k). At this point, i was doing well, and i was doing well up until i saw someone coming on the return line. With an official number. And i hadn't even reached the 5k mark. For a second i thought, damn, am i that slow? Is it really worth keeping running that? I mean seriously, you're on your way back already??

And then another one. And another. And i was like this is not right. I've been running for less than 30 minutes, there is no way someone is already almost back. And just a few seconds after that, here it was: the return mark for the 10k. And i thought, bunch of pussy faces, they only on for the 10k. No wonder they're already on the way back.

And the base get running running and running running .... You HAVE to have motivating music to run. And the Black Eyed Peas are cool for that! Them among many others on my playlist. 

Things started to get tricky after passing km 9. The road wasn't flat anymore so it's a killer for the knees and the legs cuz it was inclined but sideways. It's not going uphill or downhill, it's going sideways like a Nascar's track. When i finally got to the point i was convinced was the 10.5km mark, and i saw the runners in front of me keeping on going straight, i was like this is a joke, this has got to be a joke, how far do we still have to go??? After running 10k, 500 meters seem like a light-year away.  But i did pass it, i did step on those carpets that capture the time with the chip you have attached on your shoe, i did hear the cheer of the staff standing there and i thought, from this point on, i'm already a winner. 

I knew i could run 10k so passing that mark was the mental minimum i should reach. Anything passed that point was already a huge accomplishment for me. 

And i kept running.

But after another 1.5km of running, we got back to that Nascar's track and that totally fucked me up. I couldn't feel my right leg, i had this big cramp in my foot and i thought, it's not worth hurting myself. So i started to walk. Dear Beloved kept on going.

I must say, the walking i did between km13 and km15 was hard on my mental. I got passed by a dozen runners and i was honestly convinced i was the last of the race. I stopped at the water stand at km14 for about 10 minutes. I was so thirsty, i was exhausted, i was in pain, i wanted to quit so bad. In fact, i wanted it to stop. I wanted the pain to stop.

But then i realized that even though it was hard, it wasn't costing me much to keep walking. And i couldn't get this out of my head, that pain is temporary, quitting is forever. That there is always the easy way out of giving up. And i just couldn't stop.

It's on km17 that i realized i wasn't last, that this older man dressed as a clown was behind me and that if he could do it, damn it so could i. I waited for him to catch up with me and when he told me "si puedes", he gave me that extra push that i so badly needed. And i started to run again, for another 2 kilometers or so. I saw my boss and colleagues on the side of the streets further down the road with big signs and banners, shouting and cheering and it was overwhelmingly awesome.

I walked some more but when i reached km20 and that i could actually see the finish line at the end of the road, i got that energy kick and began to run again. And that's when it became real. I was this close to finish that shit. I was this close to actually finish a half marathon. It didn't matter how much time had passed since i had started, it didn't matter if i was going to be last, all that mattered at that particular time was the fact that i was going to finish this. And i wanted to cry so bad, tears actually started to run down my face. 

It's when i had the finish line standing some 50 meters away that emotion got the best of me. I had this gigantic ball of tears stuck in my throat i could barely breathe. It's when you realize that you're not just going to finish this, you're actually about to cross the finish line. And all the other runners are there waiting for you, and everybody is cheering and clapping and shouting, and there is so much noise and so much emotion but the only thing you really see, is that carpet you need to step on to officially end your suffering.

It's 21 km of pain. It's 21 km of you and the road and the pain. I did it in 2 hours 52 minutes and 28 seconds. It's an emotion that no word is big enough to describe. But one thing is certain:

What The Heck Was I THINKING?

A little over 4 weeks. This is the time i have to train for that half marathon I've signed up for. Less than 2 weeks away from it now, i'm really start to wonder what was i thinking when i said i was in. I mean seriously?

I hate running, i'm exhausted, not a single muscle of my body doesn't hurt and I've gained 4 kilos in 2 weeks. Talking about motivation :(

I only run half hour every morning. And to be honest, i'm actually surprise I've been that good at keeping it up. The motivation i mean. Getting out of bed at 6am is the worse. If i were to listen to myself, i wouldn't step out and stay in bed for an extra hour. But i want to do this. And i want it bad. I want to prove Dear Beloved that i'm gonna finish that shit, and more important, prove myself i can do it. If i set my mind to it, i can do it. And my mind has been set on the finishing line for as long as i remember. 

I run 30 minutes a day, every day of the week. And i still bike to work every day. 20 minutes to get there, 20 minutes to come back.

The running is hard for me cuz I've never run before. Until now, I've never managed to breathe efficiently enough to keep going. I was out of breath in no time, drowning with no air. But i found my rhythm and i'm using my inhaler before the run and it's been going great. It's my body that's screaming like crazy. It's my legs that cant seem to take it. I'm not even out of breath when i make it back home. But my legs are shaking like leaves in the wind, i can barely stand and it's a bit scary. But damn, it feels good.

While i was away on my trip last week, i still managed to run every morning. And for the first time in my life, i actually experienced lactic acids and i puked. It was liberating. It was like reaching the physical limits of your body but still telling it: screw you, i'm doing this whether you want it or not. 

And this has been my motivation. Where i run in the morning, it goes uphill. It's awful, it's painful and i feel like i'm dying a little inside. In 2 weeks, at this exact time of the day, i'll be home, back from that half marathon that i'll have finished just a few hours prior.

I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna show them all who the bloody hell i am.

I'm gonna do it because i want to.

I'm gonna do it because i can.

Treasures of the Yucatan

After a year and half of running that tour from backstage, i finally got a chance to hop on the Trafalgar trip called Treasures of the Yucatan.

Trafalgar is a company that offers touristic circuits around the world, for a determined period of time. Mostly for an older crowd. I affectionately call them "mis viejitos" (my little old people).

The trip was going to last for a week and it was honestly, a great week. Travelling with an older crowd is more my thing than with some spring-breakers who only think about boozing and partying. Been there, done that, i'm up to other stuff now.

And obviously, i was the youngest of them all. Most of them were my parents age, some of them  could have actually be my grand-parents! But culture and ruins was on the program and i had a total blast.

So instead of describing everything i did for a week, i'd rather show off and put the pictures of the highlights of my "vacations" (technically, it was work).

At the top of the pyramid of Ek Balam

Under the arch of Ek Balam

Strolling Campeche's streets

Enjoying beautiful Edzna

Eating cochinita Pibil :P

Admiring the beauty of Uxmal from the top of the pyramid

Taking a dip in Sotuta de Peon's cenote!

And finally making it to Coba (and all the way to the top of the pyramid ... barefoot!)

And that is without talking (or bragging) about the flamingos of Celestun, our cooking class with a Maya family, our city tour of Merida, the hotels we stayed in, the visit of Chichen Itza and all the amazing people i got to hang out with ...

It was awesome. You should all go take that trip!

I'm Gonna Run A Marathon! (But My Dogs Ain't)

Well, it's not a marathon, it's actually HALF one but i thought it'd be more catchy for the title!! 

A few days ago, the accountant of the company i work for sent us an email saying that he wanted to gather people to run the half marathon of Vallarta on November 4th. After thinking about it for a minute, i remembered "running a triathlon" was on my bucket list and i thought, well close enough, i should do it.

So i answered his email with one sentence: I'M IN.

And everybody kinda was expecting me to say that and everybody started cheering and the accountant smiled and showed me the run we'd have to do and damn it's 21 km!

When i told the news to Dear Beloved, he wasn't half as excited as i were. He was even pretty unpleasant, telling me we were insane to do this, we'd hurt ourselves, we'll never finish it, even him could not finish it and had i signed him up as well? And i was like, what? You're scowling me for telling you i just signed up for a half marathon and now you're asking me if i signed you up for it too? Of course i haven't. Well sign me up he said. 

Men are weird.

So here we are, that very same evening, on our way to go buy proper running shoes, and out of nowhere, in the car, i got lectured (again) about this whole half marathon thingy. I'll pass on the details cuz i'd get pissed off again but hey, i'm not trying to make the Olympic team, i can abandon if needed, i wont get shot or fined if i do so and i'm excited at the idea that i'm actually going to have the chance to do this. So drop it, keep your negativity and help me chose the proper shoes.

And he did.

And so the training began. We took the dogs with us the following morning and i managed to run, without getting out of breath (that's definitely a first for me) for about 25 minutes. On the second day, the dogs weren't having any of it and they were like, is that a joke? 2 days in a row it's not funny anymore. I basically had to DRAG Lola for the last 10 minutes of the run and it's definitely no fun. I was kinda looking forward to run that half marathon with our dogs. I believe it's not gonna happen.

Well, too bad for them. I'm gonna do this and i'll keep all the laurels for myself!